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That Awkward Moment…When You Pay For Your Date

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~ The No-Dough Bagel ~
I connected with No-Dough Bagel a few weeks ago and after several back and forth messages, we decided to meet up for lunch one weekend. We picked a place, but when we arrived, the line was too long and we were too hungry. So, we opted for a faster option that happened to be cash only. Assuming that No-Dough Bagel was literate enough to read the 10 CASH ONLY signs posted around the restaurant, I didn’t bother warning him. Also, I didn’t want to bring up anything regarding paying for the meal because I didn’t want him to think that I expected him to pay.
Raised to be incredibly independent, I don’t normally like it when dates pay for me; in fact, I always offer and sometimes insist. Contrary to many men and women telling me that it’s typical for the man to pay for the date, I just can’t let it slide. Regardless, when the check came, No-Dough Bagel reached for his wallet, took out a credit card, and firmly placed it on the bill, insisting that he get the lunch.
Sadly, I had to inform him that it was cash only and continued to reach for my own wallet. To my expected dismay, a look of fear came over No-Dough Bagel’s face as he informed me that he literally had no cash (this was further proven when he showed me his billfold with no bills). I nonchalantly said that it wasn’t a problem, that I could get it, and that I didn’t want to make it a big deal. He obviously felt embarrassed, but kept talking about it and wouldn’t let it go, which made me feel even more awkward for having to pay for him. However, let it be known that he did not even offer to run to an ATM (conveniently located inside this cash-only restaurant). Weird? Sure. Did I just want to get out of there at that point? Yes.
He walked me back to my car, talking about how awkward it was, and when we departed, we said the typical, “We should do this again!” and it was even followed up by subsequent texts about how he will get the next meal since I got this one. I kindly agreed and kept reassuring him that it wasn’t an issue. After I sat down in my car, I texted my friend, “That awkward moment when you pay for your bagel date because he has no cash…” and strangely enough, received a text that said, “OMG THAT HAPPENED TO ME TOO!”
And this brings me to the point of this post. I’ve now heard a few stories from different friends about similar situations and all I can say is that I am shocked at how often this happens! Isn’t it just common sense to always have at least $20 in cash on you just in case of emergencies? I know we live in a virtually cashless society, but I always have some rainy day cash in my wallet and let me tell you – it is definitely enough to cover my half of a meal if need be. I’m not saying carry enough to pay for an entire date, but everyone should be able to produce some cash – especially when they are going out to a meal. Moral of this story is that the Boy Scouts knew what was up – always be prepared – and they’re probably going to be the bagels that wind up with girlfriends.
~ Read more of my Bagel Stories here!

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About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

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Story From A Member: When You Can't Get Away Fast Enough

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~ The Chef Bagel ~
It’s been quite a while since I’ve blogged about my fabulous dating adventures because my life got in the way of my dating momentum. However, here’s a gem for you, girls and boys!

I liked this man on CMB because he was attractive and his profile led me to believe that he was a chef. In fact, he himself referred to himself as “the chef from CMB”. For a girl who loves food, this fact was incredibly appealing. A man who can always feed me? What more can anyone want? We connected and his opening line was, “You’re so cute! Let’s get a drink!” and on a whim, I blindly accepted. We hastily exchanged numbers and set up a time and a place.
He suggested a bar in Culver City because he was friends with the bartender. I agreed and said that I’d be going straight from work. He said that it was fine and that he’d be coming from work too. We met at 8 PM and I was famished after a long twelve hour work day. Upon meeting up, I immediately asked if he had eaten already (obviously hinting that I wanted to get some food going before I get too drunk) and he said that he had previously eaten, so he was full and that we should concentrate on drinking. He did not ask me if I had eaten or if I wanted to get some food. What kind of self-proclaimed Chef doesn’t care about the state of their companion’s stomach – especially at a prime eating hour like 8 PM?! I manned up and grabbed a drink, hoping that his charming personality and intriguing conversation would suppress my hunger. Sadly, that was not the case.
Let’s rewind a bit. Chef Bagel actually referred to himself as a Chef [BAGEL]. Logically, I asked if he went to culinary school. He said no. Strangely enough, his reasoning for being a chef boiled down to his spending a few months studying abroad in Italy back in college and learning how to cook from an Italian nonna, if you will. She taught him how to make a lot of pasta and various other delicious Italian foods. Thus, he is now a chef. I grew up helping my mom cook for the first 17 years of my life. Do I get to call myself a chef?
Without giving too much away about this bagel, let’s just say that he does not work in a restaurant, nor should he really be calling himself a chef. At least not with a capital C. Maybe only if it’s used in the ironic way.
Sadly, in the two hours I spent with him, he did not ask me one single question about the kinds of things I liked to do, where I was from, or really anything else about me. He did, however, tell me many stories that were the epitome of the #humblebrag and was sadly met with an unenthusiastic look on my face.
All of these notes could have been small bumps in the road that could have been overlooked, but here comes the kicker. He started to tell me that I had “Asian sarcasm” (is that even a thing?) and then he asked me “what I was”. This is one of the questions I hate being asked the most. Why does it matter what ethnicity I am? And if you can’t even ask that in a direct question, maybe you shouldn’t be asking it at all. After telling him that I was Chinese, he proceeded to immediately tell me that he cooks Asian-themed food in the cooking classes he teaches. Before I could stop myself, I had to ask what exactly he cooked. The Oriental Menu From The Far East Included: sushi, chicken teriyaki, egg rolls, orange chicken, and beef & broccoli. Awesome. It’s a combination of the Sarku Japan and Panda Express you find at the local mall. That’s totally traditional. When I swallowed down a scoff, he then proceeded to tell me how to properly and traditionally cook orange chicken. But don’t worry, he learned how to make this from the internet.
To top things off, he told me that his ideal woman would stay at home and cook for him. That’s funny, because my ideal man would stay at home and cook for me. Does that make things awkward…?
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About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

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Story From A Member: Too Many Feels, Not Enough Time

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~ The Feels Bagel ~

This is the story of a bagel who needs to make like Elsa and just let it go. (It’s fitting, I promise, but I also did just want to use this gif).

Let me rewind and say that I connected with Feels Bagel on a whim because he looked like a nice guy, wasn’t younger than I was (which has been a recent problem), and was a programmer. We chatted for a bit about how we both had to work during the Super Bowl to make sure our campaigns ran correctly, then decided to meet up for a post-game dinner.

He was really nice, seemed a little too enthusiastic, which made me think he was slightly left of straight, but we discussed our jobs, our families, the normal stuff. Then out of the blue, he said, “So my last relationship was May 2011,” and proceeded to tell me all about it. Over the next 15 minutes, I fought his fights and I cried his tears. After feeling emotionally drained from the Sparknotes of his last relationship, I was asked the following question: “When was your last relationship?” Before I could respond with an answer, my sarcasm got the best of me. “Sorry, I forgot to circle the date of my last break up on my mental calendar.” Woops.

Quickly trying to recover, I bit my tongue and used more brain cells trying to muster an accurate date than I had used all day. I told him a ballpark guesstimate of a year and he then asked what went wrong. Is it just me, or is this conversation getting a little heavy for someone I met 30 minutes ago? I literally met him an episode of How I Met Your Mother ago, and he’s asking me Mosby questions. Doing my best to dodge this inquisition, he wound up telling me about what happened in all of his past relationships and what he’s been doing since then.

When I finally thought I was free, I get this: “How many times have you said ‘I love you’?” Dude…are you for real? I once again gave him a general number, feeling incredibly uncomfortable as a girl who does not like to feel the feels, let alone talk about the feels. I deflect in the only way I know best, and he leaps in and tells me about how he’s only said the “L word” to one girl who happened to never be his girlfriend. Once again, he told me all the details of this fleeting relationship and I didn’t really know what to say, so I smiled and nodded and kept on eating.

I’m sure there’s someone out there who can love Feels Bagel, wipe away his tears, and big-spoon him into comfort. I, however, am not that person.

Read more about my other Bagel Adventures!!

If you enjoyed this post, perhaps you’ll want to read SCSB’s Island of Lost Bagels.
About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.
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Story From A Member: When You're On A Date … SQUIRREL

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~ The Amazeballs Bagel ~

What can I say about The Amazeballs Bagel? Many unusual things struck me, but did not deter me nor raise any significant flags:

  • Our text messages would seem to quickly jump from topic to topic. For example, he would say, “I’m at the drug store buying $50 worth of floss to use up my 2013 FSA.” Before I could respond, I receive a “…SO when are you free to hang out???”
  • He was 33 and went to a rave for New Years. Sorry, but at that point, shouldn’t you be out-untzed?
  • Many of his messages began with a “…” and note that no prior text message ended with a “…” nor was the “…” ever truly necessary.

Regardless, I agreed to a date. We met up and he was the first bagel I could actually banter and joke around with. There was minimal judgement passed, and he did not share that he dropped $10k on strippers, so in my book, he was golden. He even dropped a funny from time to time. However, he started to pepper the word “amazeballs” into conversation but was very serious in his delivery. When I called him out on it, he claimed his boss said it a lot so it stuck with him and I assumed he was doing it to be ironic in some way. But after the twentieth “amazeballs”, I realized he actually just says it a lot.

The conversation ADD really kicked in, though, when it took him a good 45 minutes to tell me a 10-minutes-tops story because he kept getting sidetracked by his own stories. I’m all for a stream of consciousness, but that’s slightly excessive when I’m wondering at the end of the story why we’re even talking about it in the first place.

The evening comes to an end because my parking was going to run out (the best excuse ever when you live in a city like Los Angeles), and I said I had to go. He walked me to my car and said, “I think we should see each other again.” I nodded indifferently. “Is it going to happen?” I just nodded, buddy, chill out. He then gave me a kiss on the cheek and as I was saying goodbye, he cut me off and said, “You’re so cute!!!!”

I drove home confused at the last thirty minutes of interaction and proceeded to engage in the weirdest post-date text conversation ever:

Bagel: Text me when you get home and all that crap.
Me: Just got home. Thanks again for tonight!
B: What are you wearing?
M: Uh…the same thing I wore 10 minutes ago when you saw me drive away.
B: You dirty dirty girl
[I swear you make one balls joke after he says ‘amazeballs’ and you’re automatically a slut]
B: We’re eating dinner on Sunday.
M: What?
B: Dinner. Sunday.
M: You’re not even going to ask if I’m free?
B: Oh. Fine. Are you free?
M: No…I have plans.
B: Great. Brunch. Sunday.
M: No…I still have plans.
B: Well I leave on Wednesday. Figure something out. I will tell you the whole taking advantage of me at dinner thing won’t happen.
M: Noted.
B: You’re cute!
M: You have a short attention span.

I’m still so confused and exhausted. Sadly, the only word I’m left with is “amazeballs”.

Want to know more about my dating adventures? Maybe you’ll like The Pretentious Bagel.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

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The Pretentious Bagel

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Bagel #2 came as an unfortunate ‘like’ because I felt bad for judging others based off 3 pictures and 50 words. Should have gone with my intuition.
This fatass (me) was only swayed to meet up with Bagel because he suggested one of my favorite restaurants in Downtown LA. I figured at the worst, I would leave full and satisfied from a good meal. The best thing all night was by far the food.
So as to not recant this tale in paragraph form, I will share some highlights that pretty much summed up my night:

  • Upon arrival, he asked if I had ever been to that restaurant. I said yes and that I loved the food, then asked if he had been there as well. He replied with: “No, I haven’t, but I’ve heard good things. Though I must admit, I am a food snob, so my standards are quite high. I don’t like what everyone else normally likes. For example, I don’t like the Halal Guys in New York.” Dafuq?! Who doesn’t like the Halal Guys?
  • “I should tell you, I’m not feminine, but I have very strong intuition. We’ll see how this restaurant, and you, fare.” Wow. Sorry I didn’t bring my resume. Didn’t know I was on a job interview. 
  • However, when I did tell him about my career path and what I did after graduating college (nothing crazy special, in my opinion), he says, “Wow! That’s really impressive for a girl like you.” At this point, I think some food came out and I was too interested in eating than I was at asking him what that was supposed to mean.
  • When I told him I could never get into Breaking Bad (I know, I’m weird. I gave it 5 episodes and just never got into it. Maybe it just wasn’t my thing), I was met with a shocked: “What?! You have horrible taste in television. Breaking Bad is arguably one of the best-written shows ever created. Wow. We have to change the subject now.” Sorry, bro. Good thing I didn’t tell you I watched KUWTK on a regular basis…would have loved to hear your opinion on that. Not.
  • [Unrelated observation] He ate like a mouse and I wound up eating more than he did. If you can’t out-eat me, you can’t have my respect.
  • “I have to be honest with you…I used to be a brat when I was a kid. I would be like [begins to pout and cross his arms and shake his head] at everything.” That impression was way too good and natural to be using the past tense in his statement. He obviously makes that face on the regular. 
  • When the bill came, I insisted to split it because I don’t like it when people pay for me. He allowed my card on the check, but put his hand over it as if he was going to remove my card at the last minute when the waiter came. However, when the waiter came, up went his hand and there remained my card. I have no issue splitting the cost of food, but don’t make a poor show of it. You’re not winning an Oscar anytime soon with that acting…
  • As we were walking back to our cars, my bag slipped off my shoulder and hit the ground. By reflex, I apologized and said that I was a clumsy mess. I was met with: “Oh it’s not really your fault. Your shoes aren’t really conducive to walking properly.” Note that my low-heeled booties were just fine and I was walking very normally. I just have slopey shoulders.

When I returned home, convinced I never wanted to talk to him again, I received this friendly text message:

“[My name]. I’m skipping any 3 day rule to be frank. I like you. I’d like to watch Frozen in 3d with you sometime; if you’re interested. Let’s discuss later.” I have to note that Frozen was the one movie we were able to agree was phenomenal.

Thanks, Pretentious Bagel, for validating me. Because you deem me worthy of seeing again, I can now rest easy and feel better about myself. Good riddance.
 
Want to know about my other date? Perhaps you’ll want to find out about The Stripper Bagel.
About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.
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The Stripper Bagel

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I was a few days into the app, still bright-eyed and bushy-bageled, eager to find out who I would get the next day and whether or not we would be connected. And finally, as if sent from the head baker himself, I was matched with a bagel! Everyone, please meet Stripper Bagel.
Stripper Bagel and I texted for a couple of days before meeting up. Conversation was normal, nothing too alarming or surprising. He was a big nerd (just the way I like them) and was a computer programmer at a building not too far from where I worked, so knowing we shared the same zip code both made me equally excited for the possibilities and weary for the probabilities.
We decided to meet up after work at a local bar, grab some drinks and maybe play some pool. I got there first, ordered a beer, gave the waitress my card to hold. Apparently he did the same and we realized we were a couple booths away from each other without knowing it. Talk about a meet cute. We chatted for a bit and I could tell he was a little bit nervous, but we kept conversation light and humorous. Discussions ranged from jobs to music and all seemed to go well. Until he said:

“So…Promise not to judge me, okay? I have to tell you something.”

I’m thinking, “What could you possibly have to confess to me when we’re 1 hour into meeting each other?” What I said was, “Oh I’m definitely not going to promise that. But tell me your story.” And this is what I got:

“I went to Vegas with a few buddies and coworkers of mine and, promise not to judge, but I went to my first strip club on Saturday night after the club. I was really drunk and when all of my friends went back to the room after the club, I ran into a coworker who wanted to go to Sapphire. I guess I was so drunk, I blacked out after I walked through the doors.
“When I came to, the sun was out and I was leaving Sapphire. I hailed a cab, went back to the room, and passed out for a few hours. When I woke up, I got a few emails from American Express telling me there was suspected fraudulent activity. I checked my account online and realized I had charges from Sapphire amounting to a total of ten thousand dollars. I called AmEx and disputed the charges, but I’m waiting for them to follow up with me. Oh man, if I end up having to pay it, I guess that’s fine because I have money saved up, but I just wish I remembered what happened.
“Phew. It is so good to be able to tell someone this. I haven’t told anyone and it’s stressing me out.”

Now, when faced with a story like that, here’s what comes to mind:

  • Laughter. A lot of guttural laughter. Check. He didn’t join in with me, though…
  • Wow. Did you actually purchase the strip club? Or at least a few strippers in a sort of indentured servitude agreement? Said this, but I don’t think he found that much humor in it. He must not have the pink slip to neither the strip club nor the strippers.
  • Did you father some stripper babies? Said this too, only to be met with an expression that told me he actually did not think about this possibility. Whoops.
  • You might want to go get tested just in case… Because of the reaction to the statement above, I opted to keep this one to myself.
  • It’s good that you at least have $10k saved up to spend on strippers. Said this too, but was really thinking: It’s unfortunate that you’re weirdly okay with the possibility of spending that much money on strippers during a night you don’t even remember. 
  • Do you still have your card? How can you claim fraudulent activity if you know you were there and you still have the card in hand? I said this because it’s morally questionable. However, it looks like he reverted to his survival instincts of self-preservation.
  • Why, oh for the love of all things holy, why would you choose me of all people to tell this story to? I guess I just made him feel comfortable. Or he thought the date was going so badly he had absolutely nothing to lose. For those of you who watch How I Met Your Mother, this could be his version of the Naked Man. This can be called the Shameful Man.

I tuned out after that story and applauded myself for getting such a winner on my first bagel date. Oh, and to put the cherry on top, when the bill came, we told the waitress to split the tab. My card came back, but his was declined. Those damn strippers.
Want to know about my other date? Perhaps you’ll want to find out about The Pretentious Bagel.
About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.
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Spilled Coffee & Stale Bagels, Signing On

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Hey, CMB Community!
I wanted to take this first post and quickly introduce myself and how I wound up writing for this blog. I’m a 24-year-old single girl living in Los Angeles, and have sadly and quite humorously collected my fair share of dating horror stories over the last few years. After a few failed non-relationships that can only be described as ‘typically millennial’, I decided to suck it up and join Coffee Meets Bagel, because what’s the worst that can happen?
After going on my first few bagel dates, I wound up telling my friends about these ridiculous encounters, only to be met with laughter and incredulous looks. At some point, you have to laugh to stop yourself from crying, right? Shortly following my fifth time telling the same story, I decided to chronicle my bagel misadventures in a blog so that everyone can live vicariously through me as I continue to swim in the sea of many fish, looking for my Moby Dick (all puns intended).
Four months later, here I am, with more than a baker’s dozen of stale bagels and many cups of spilled coffee. So, please join me and keep checking back in to see if I make it through the carbs and find myself a Tide stick.
 
Want to find out how my dates go? Let’s start off with The Stripper Bagel.
About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.
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