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After 330 Bagels, 57 Matches, 27 Dates, I Finally Found The One

November 30, 2014/in Dating in LA /by Guest Blogger

A Reflection On A Year Of Bagels

After eleven straight months on Coffee Meets Bagel, I’m happy to announce that I’ve just deactivated my account because I met a Bagel who puts every other Bagels to shame. This was a big step for me, because after almost a year of fishing in what felt like every ocean in the goddamn world, I made the conscious decision to make the journey back to dry land and hang up my fishing rod. For the time being, at least.

I’d like to have this post serve as a reflection on my last (almost) year on CMB. Eleven months on CMB means that I have said yes or no to at least 330 eligible men in Los Angeles. Some days were more carb-heavy than others, but I think 330 is a fair estimate. To put that number into perspective, I compared it to my social media stats. I’m honestly not even sure I have 330 Facebook friends. I barely have more than 330 Instagram posts. I definitely do not follow more than 330 people on Twitter. Coffee Meets Bagel has arguably been the only app I have actively used every single day for the last year. Yikes.

For any of you who do know me, you’ll know that I need a first & last name in all phone entries. If I don’t have access to your last name, your last name in my phone is bound to be where or how I met you. Rightly so, each Bagel I’ve ever exchanged numbers with has the last name of “Bagel” in my address book. In writing this post, I searched my address book with “Bagel” and came up with a grand total of 53 entries. Some had the same name (there were a lot of Johnny Bagels and Jason Bagels), but trust me – each entry, like a snowflake, was unique. Could I tell you what conversation I had with each Bagel? Absolutely not. Will some be forever seared into my memory? Hell yes. 53 Bagel entries means that I connected and exchanged numbers with 16% of the bagels I ever received. Can someone tell me if that’s a good or bad batting average?

Out of the 53 Bagels in my phone, I have gone on 22 bagel dates. Say it with me – oy. I don’t need to tell anyone out there how easy it is to go from having a harmless chat one day to never talking to that person ever again. Life gets in the way – people are working, they have other priorities – honestly, why would anyone prioritize getting to know someone they happened to meet online when there are so many other things to do? I truly believe that for each conversation to result in a date, both parties either have to be really into the other person (rarely the case) or they have to be bored enough to agree to a date. In my last year of dating, I can truthfully say that I have never moved anything around to accommodate a first bagel date, and I’ve actually cancelled a lot of them because I got tied up at work and couldn’t commit to a raincheck. That being said, however, I believe I will never know if I like someone until I actually go out and meet him. But, that also means that I averaged 2 dates with strangers per month.

Now here’s where things start to dwindle down. After going out on 22 bagel dates, I have only seen 4 bagels more than once. I’ve written entries about all of these bagels (except the latest one), so I won’t go into details, but they all dwindled away because there was no real connection and I could never justify making time to see them. And that’s the thing that I’ve always struggled with: finding someone that I genuinely wanted to prioritize in my life. When you’re balancing friends, family, and a demanding full-time job, you really have to like the person to fit him into your schedule. So, I’m considering it a freaking miracle that I met someone I actually enjoy scheduling into my life.

Needless to say, I think my last year of CMB has taught me that maybe the guys do have it right – maybe online dating really is a numbers game. I had to go through over three hundred bagels to find one that I liked enough to give a relationship a real shot. After countless of bagels, many awkward run-ins around town, awkward conversations, and even more awkward dates, it’s good to know that there is some light at the end of the tunnel. Even if it did take eleven months.

 


About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a dating app designed with women in mind. Founded by 3 sisters in 2012 in NYC, CMB aims to deliver a fun, safe, and quality dating experience that results in meaningful relationships.

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SCSB, Spinster For Life

August 10, 2014/in Date Stories, Dating in LA, Uncategorized /by Guest Blogger

I’m taking a slightly different approach to my normal blogs about dating horror stories to take some time to reflect on a trend I actually see a lot of my friends going through (including myself). I won’t get too deep, so just follow me on this thought process.
In order to provide context to what I’m about to say, I think I should provide some background. I recently turned 25 years old and have been officially single since January of this year. 8 months now marks the longest time I’ve ever been single since I was a junior in high school. Is this sad or is this liberating? I’m not exactly sure. I have unfortunately made enough bad decisions in my dating life to be known as the girl who can never be alone. We all have that friend, and I, unfortunately, was that friend for a long time. But now that I’ve embarked on the long voyage to the place that is my single life, I’m realizing that I have some basic standards that I’m just not willing to compromise. I’ve learned enough about myself during this time to be fully comfortable with my independence and actually revel in it more often than not. And most importantly, I’ve learned to put myself first.
This isn’t meant to be a post written in support of the single life, because I’m obviously still on the Bagels, going on dates, and not finding the one that I want to see more than once; at the same time, it’s not a post written in support of dating the world until you find someone who wants to see you more than once. It’s instead a post about trying to be as true to yourself as you can, and trusting in the fact that if it’s right, it will work out. This post is meant to uplift those of you who are like me, and sometimes struggle with wondering what exactly it is that you want and how you’re going to get it.
Throughout my own process of finding myself, I’ve had many talks with many single girl and guy friends, and all of us have come to the conclusion that it’s okay to not really know what you want from a relationship off the bat, but it’s not okay to not know what you want from yourself and your own life. A wise friend told me that she’ll be ready to date when she’s at a good spot in her life and knows who she is. I admire her courage to say that and agree that getting into a relationship when you’re finding yourself may not, in fact, be the best way to find yourself. We all struggle with putting ourselves out there. After my first few failed dates on CMB, I will even admit that my willingness to go on another one waned a bit and the idea of staying home in my sweatpants seemed more appealing (it doesn’t hurt that I have some really great pairs of sweatpants). We all know friends who take dating a bit too seriously, putting a lot of imaginary weight on a guy they have never met in person, and then feeling the disappointment when he’s not what she expected. I like to live by the ‘don’t put all your eggs in one basket’ rule, coupled by the ‘one egg for every egg he puts in’ theorem. That way, you don’t lose anything that you don’t invest, and you only invest when you know he (or she) is investing back in you. We all need a bit of a reality check sometimes, right?
I’ve always been the type of person who puts her job first before her personal life, to many of my exes’s dismay. My ambition to achieve personal goals has always been a big part of my personality and guys who don’t respect and, dare I say, like that part of me, don’t last very long. So after a few failed relationships, I realized that I need an equally independent counterpart who works more than I do so I don’t feel guilty when I tell him I can’t meet up for dinner until after 8 PM. My time as a single girl has allowed me to be more comfortable in doing what I really want to be doing and doing the things that are most important to me. I can be alone when I want to be alone, see the people who really matter to me, and focus on trying things that make me happy. Do I sometimes look at couples walking down the street and wish for something like that? Sure, but I also know that if it’s not the right guy, I’m not going to be happy even if I do have that. I also know that when I do find the right guy, giving up small things here and there won’t feel like I’m giving anything up.
I suppose what I’ve been getting at this entire post is that it’s okay to say no to somebody if there’s no connection. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t give people a shot, because you only know if there’s a connection if you give it an honestly try. However, we should all stay true to ourselves and trust that things will work out, because we’re ultimately looking for the same thing – to be happy by yourself and to find someone who makes you even happier.
There’s that, or you stay in sweatpants all day and get a bunch of cats.
XOXO,
SCSB

SCSB's Island of Lost Bagels

June 9, 2014/in Dating in LA /by Guest Blogger

I wanted to take a quick break in bagel stories to reflect upon some of my best Bagel interactions. Like snowflakes, each one is unique and holds significant value. So, welcome to what I like to call the Island of Lost Bagels. The place where communication fails with Bagels who never really could grow up.

The Unemployed Bagel

Bagel: Hey! Nice to meet you. Would love to take you to coffee round 3 today.
Me: Oh…I’m at work at 3 PM today. It’s a Monday!
B: How about tomorrow round 2? Or Thursday round 4?
M: Still at work…

The Negligible Bagel

Bagel: Let’s go try a ballroom class!
Me: Sounds great – let me know when you’re free
B: Ballroom dance West LA is only open on Tuesdays..
M: Guess we’ll have to find a Tuesday then!
B: You aren’t very proactive about this scheduling thing are you

This is comical if you know how much of a scheduling tyrant I am.

Unresponsive Bagels (Case Studies 1-3)

Bagel 1: Are you into sports? Football playoffs today :) !
Me: I’m actually watching the playoffs now! Go Niners! What sports do you like to watch?

Guess you don’t like the 49ers. 

Bagel 2: I have to say, I rely on other people to get me to try new things. I find what works and stick with it, so having adventurous friends is a plus!
Me: Really? I love trying new food. I’m pretty lucky in that most of my friends like to also, so we’re always down to try new places. What’s one of your favorite go-to meals?

So..you don’t like to eat? 

Bagel 3: Sorry for the late response! Long day in the lab and I just dropped a friend off at LAX. How was your New Years?
Me: No worries! It was good – pretty chill. Laid low for the night with some friends. What did you do?

Your New Years was that crazy, huh?

The Raver Bagel

Bagel: I’m going to White Wonderland for New Years!
Me: Oh man…did you find white pants?
B: Haha I had them from last year! Do you like raves?
M: No, not really my thing, but a lot of my friends are going to be at White Wonderland this year.
B: Wait..so do you not like drinking? Or dancing? Or having fun?!

I missed the memo that said people only have fun when they’re at raves. Sorry. 

The Existential Bagel

Bagel: You just met this bagel. Hi.
Me: Thank you for identifying yourself as the bagel of the day.
B: I’m the coffee. You’re the bagel.
M: I think we’re both bagels. Does that mean we’re both coffees?
B: Whoa.

Hope you enjoyed reading these as much as I didn’t enjoy realizing that this was now my life.
 
If you enjoyed this post, perhaps you’ll want to read When You’re on a Date…Squirrel
About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.
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Spilled Coffee & Stale Bagels, Signing On

April 28, 2014/in Date Stories, Dating in LA /by Guest Blogger

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Hey, CMB Community!
I wanted to take this first post and quickly introduce myself and how I wound up writing for this blog. I’m a 24-year-old single girl living in Los Angeles, and have sadly and quite humorously collected my fair share of dating horror stories over the last few years. After a few failed non-relationships that can only be described as ‘typically millennial’, I decided to suck it up and join Coffee Meets Bagel, because what’s the worst that can happen?
After going on my first few bagel dates, I wound up telling my friends about these ridiculous encounters, only to be met with laughter and incredulous looks. At some point, you have to laugh to stop yourself from crying, right? Shortly following my fifth time telling the same story, I decided to chronicle my bagel misadventures in a blog so that everyone can live vicariously through me as I continue to swim in the sea of many fish, looking for my Moby Dick (all puns intended).
Four months later, here I am, with more than a baker’s dozen of stale bagels and many cups of spilled coffee. So, please join me and keep checking back in to see if I make it through the carbs and find myself a Tide stick.
 
Want to find out how my dates go? Let’s start off with The Stripper Bagel.
About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.
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