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5 Tips to Take Your Chats to the Next Level

July 24, 2019/0 Comments/in Blog, CMB 101 /by Dawoon Kang

A note from David Osteen, in-house data scientist at CMB

Picture this: You open your Coffee Meets Bagel app and see you’ve made a new connection!

First comes that rush of exhilaration: you’re imagining all of the rom-com scenarios that are sure to unfold. But then, your brain busts in with a dose of negativity. Remember those matches that fizzled out with lackluster, forgettable messages?

As a data scientist at Coffee Meets Bagel, I’ve seen too many chats meet an untimely end due to an inability to convert a match into a fun, meaningful conversation. So, what gives? Why do some chats sizzle and other chats fizzle?

My team and I started looking into some of the chat data to answer this question. Here are my insider tips for turning your chats into conversations that lead to great dates.

1. Check Small Talk at the Door

Let’s be real, no one enjoys small talk. You grin and bear it at office Christmas parties. Why should you willingly engage in it when it comes to dating? Your time is more valuable than that.

Start your chat off with a bang by asking a question you genuinely want to hear the answer to. Say you’re a comic fanatic, ask who they think the best Avenger character is and share yours too. (It’s Captain Marvel, obviously.)

Feel weird about diving right into a chat with a question? Make sure to fill out your Icebreakers in your profile so we can help get things going. 

Here are some other questions to try out:

💬 What book are you reading?

💬 Have you picked up any new hobbies lately?

💬 What video games are currently obsessed with? (We should play together!)

Make sure you provide your own answer to your question, too, to help spark conversation. And, while my examples are a good start, feel free to get creative.

2. Don’t Wait to Break the Ice

If someone’s profile is interesting enough to earn your “like,” why wait to have a conversation? Procrastination may or may not be your middle name, but that won’t fly here.

It’s best to strike while the iron — or should I say bagel — is hot. Chats started on Coffee Meets Bagel within three hours of matching are 52% more likely to get a response!

Once you get rolling, don’t drag it out. Nothing kills conversation momentum quite like a reply that takes 16 hours. By that point, you don’t even remember what you were talking about without rereading past messages.

And plus, if conversation is flowing and you’re both feeling a spark, you’re that much closer to a great first date.

3. Don’t Be Scared to Make the First Move

For the love of all that is good, don’t let outdated, cliche dating rules lead you astray.

Guys should make the first move? Nope. You liked them first, so now it’s their turn? Forget it. Initiating the conversation gives away your power? Absolutely not!

My advice here is very simple but also very important: It’s just a chat. Don’t put so much pressure on it.

Reaching out first isn’t equivalent to a marriage proposal, it just means that you matched and would like to know more — it’s as simple as that. If you allow those misguided notions to dictate your dating life, you might miss out on promising opportunities.

4. Give Phone Calls a Chance

In today’s day and age, most of us freeze up when our phone actually rings. But when it comes to getting to know someone, a good ol’ fashioned phone call is invaluable.

That’s right, I’m suggesting that you pick up the phone, dial an actual number and talk on the phone like it’s 2005. Not only will you give your poor thumbs a break (hello, carpal tunnel!) but a phone call is a great change of pace. It can make you stand out and give you a better read on someone.

With online chatting and texting, people have time to craft the perfect, cool response. But, you can’t really get a feel for someone’s personality until you have a real life conversation. Chatting on the phone will reduce the chances you’ll be surprised within the first five minutes of meeting a bagel they just aren’t what you thought they’d be.

5. Take the Next Step or Wrap It Up

After a few exchanges, you should have a pretty good idea of whether you’d like to take this conversation face-to-face. And what better way to do that than with a virtual first date?

I know, virtual dates are a new concept we’ve all had to embrace thanks to our new world full of social distancing. But hear me out, because they have their perks:

💜 All you need is your laptop and boom – you can get to know someone from the comfort of your own home. No pants required (Just kidding, I insist you should wear pants.)

💜 It’s a safe and low-commitment way to get to know someone outside of a chat. Sometimes you can’t discover that spark until you have face-to-face interaction (even if it’s technically virtual). 

💜 You can try out new date ideas that you normally wouldn’t –  from virtual cooking classes to streaming an opera to playing virtual questionnaire games together. 

And here’s another reason to give virtual dates a chance: Everyone is new to this. We’re all fumbling and figuring it out together. Don’t believe me? We polled CMB daters and found out more than 80% of our Daters are open to virtual dates!

So if you want to have a virtual meetup with your bagel, don’t overthink it — just ask! This calls back to not putting so much pressure on the situation. If they say yes, congrats! If they say no, it’s all good — at least they were honest and didn’t waste your time with a date that would lead to nothing.

On the flip side, if you’ve been chatting but the spark isn’t happening, be honest and respectfully end the conversation. And I can’t stress this enough: don’t ghost!

Here are some ways to end a lackluster chat or politely decline an invite to meet:

💬 “I enjoyed chatting but I don’t think we’re a good fit. Thanks for the conversation and I hope you meet your right match!”

💬 “I enjoyed our convo but I don’t feel the connection. It was great meeting you and good luck with future bagels!”

Bonus: Keep an Eye Out for Scams

You’re here to meet people and have a good time, so don’t let the scammers of the world get in your way. While CMB does have an internal tool that runs 24/7 to combat scammers, it isn’t perfect (yet).

So, protect yourself, and your identity, by keeping personal information like phone numbers and email addresses to yourself until you are 100% comfortable.

Trust your gut and be aware of suspicious behavior, like someone pushing you to meet before you’re ready or asking for money. If it looks like a scam and walks like a scam… you get the picture. Report these people right away.

For more info on online dating safety, be sure to peek at our guide: “Online Dating Safety Tips: 5 Ways to Spot a Scammer.”

Time to Get Chatty

Now that you’re armed with these pro tips, it’s time to put them to the test and get to chatting with your matches! Every time you match with a bagel, a new convo with an icebreaker will appear in “Chats.” To get there, open your app and simply tap “Chats” in the bottom right corner.

Chatting isn’t meant to be hard, you just have to get out of your own head and be genuine. Keep my tips in mind and you’re sure to find yourself lost in conversation without breaking a sweat. Happy matching!

 


Feeling a meaningful conversation? Download the app now on iOS or Android if you haven’t already.

 

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Online Dating Safety Tips: 5 Ways to Spot a Scammer

June 7, 2019/in Blog, Date Tips /by Dawoon Kang

A note from Brenda Guardado, head of customer experience

Finding a good date used to be at the top of my “things I dread” list, right after public speaking and queuing at the bank. So, when apps like Coffee Meets Bagel came onto the scene, I was beyond relieved. I didn’t have to frequent loud bars, or try to recreate that rom-com scene where the woman bumps into a hunk at a supermarket and the 99-cent-oranges display goes flying.

But while coming across a good date got easier, so did coming across a less savory type: scammers.

Now as the head of customer experience at Coffee Meets Bagel, I’ve heard the happily-ever-after stories and the I-fell-for-a-scam stories. And while CMB does have technology in place to prevent scammers from joining in the first place, we can’t catch all of them by ourselves (yet).

So before you can star in your own dating app success story, check out my tips on how to stay safe.

Quick Online Dating Safety Tips

Buckle up! Safety, first. Before we hop into the five signs your match might be a scammer, check out these quick tips.

  • Never send money, gift cards, or account info to matches — especially if you haven’t met them in person.
  • Keep your exact workplace and address a secret until you’ve met in person and have built trust over time. (Some experts advise also keeping your last name private until after your first date.)
  • Tell your friends or family about when & where you’re meeting a match for the first time. Provide your own transportation, and always meet in a safe, public place, such as a coffee shop.

And, most importantly, if you ever feel uncomfortable or harassed when chatting with a match, stop talking to them and report them on the app. Then, block them from other messaging services if applicable. If you’re already on a date, leave immediately. Dating should never feel scary.

Signs Your Match Might Be a Scammer

Now that we’ve taken care of the crucial safety tips, you’re all set! Well, almost. I want you to spend time on matches who matter on CMB, not scammers. Here’s how to spot if your match is a scammer before you get involved.

1. They Go From 0-100

Oftentimes, scammers use artful tactics to try and sweep you off your feet. They might shower you with compliments or use flowery, romantic language right off the bat. They might give you a wholesome Disney-eqsue monologue about how they’re “just looking for love,” and “U the one 4 me, babe.” But I know you’re smarter than that, so you’ll see your match moving too fast as a red flag.

Another red flag: They’ll want to take things off the app and start texting, calling, or using other messaging apps (such as Kik, WhatsApp, or WeChat) ASAP. To cut to the chase, they may even include this contact info in their bio.

2. Their Stories Pull on Your Heartstrings

Gone are the days when all scammers were Nigerian princes. Nowadays, they’re architects, oil-rig engineers, geologists, make-up artists, nurses, and more. But one of the most common careers scammers claim to have is that of a soldier, or any career related to the military. And oftentimes they are oh-so-conveniently stationed far overseas where they can’t meet you in person.

But their real job title? A sly scammer. They may even claim to be religious (a tactic used for inspiring trust), or tell you a sob story: they’re a recent widow and their partner has passed in a tragic accident. Or, perhaps they have a sick child or parent they care for. While these unfortunate circumstances may be true for a small portion of singles involved in online dating, one of the telltale signs you’ve matched with a scammer doesn’t come until later — when they ask for your money.

3. They’re Just Too Good to Be True

If your match has profile photos that belong in a magazine catalogue, you’ve either met a model, or a scammer. And while both exist in real life (models aren’t Bigfoot, after all), it would be very unlikely for a real person not to have any casual, non-professional photos in their profile pic lineup.

In short, if your match has too-good-to-be-true photos, your match may indeed be too good to be true. But just because your match is in sweatpants in their pic (which, to be clear, is not a good dating photo best practice) doesn’t mean you’re in the clear.

Take note of other profile/photo inconsistencies. For example, if their profile says they’re 32, but they look only 22 in their picture, that’s a red flag. Likewise, if their profile claims they have a high level of education, but their grammar is disjointed, something might be up.

4. Meeting in Person Isn’t an Option

We know that the most meaningful connections happen face-to-face, so on Coffee Meets Bagel, we encourage members to meet in person. So if your match isn’t keen on meeting in real life, you should raise an eyebrow.

One of the most common excuses scammers use to avoid meeting in person is claiming that they work abroad. And if they won’t even agree to chat on the phone, you should hear alarm bells.

One way you can combat catfishing — someone pretending to be someone they aren’t online — is by fact-checking. Try running a Google reverse image search to check if they have multiple profiles under different names or with different info. Some scammers may also steal photos from influencers, low-profile celebrities, or stock sources.

5. They Ask for Money, Gift Cards, or Account Info

Lastly, and most importantly, if your match asks you for money, gift cards, or your account information, stop all communication immediately. It is extremely likely this person is a scammer.

But, it isn’t always clear right away. Many scammers will play the long-game by trying to build trust with you over time. Then, suddenly, there’s an “emergency,” and they need money quickly. Here’s a few types of fake emergencies they may claim to have:

  • They were robbed and need money
  • They have to book a last-minute business trip
  • They need a loan
  • They or their family member has a medical emergency

Sometimes, scammers may also ask for gift cards, such as an iTunes gift card. But, you should never trust a match who claims they need anything from you but your time and words, even if they promise to pay you back.

Another way a scammer might try to steal from you is less direct: by gaining access to your accounts. While some may directly ask you for your account info, routing numbers, social security number, or driver’s license info, others may be more sneaky.

If you match asks you strangely specific personal questions about old addresses, your pets’ names, or schools you’ve attended, be cautious. They could be trying to gain access to your accounts by resetting your passwords via security question answers.

How to Report a Match on CMB

If you think you’ve come across or matched with a scammer, or if your match has violated our terms of service, please report them. By reporting a scammer, you’re preventing them from scamming other lovely bagels on our app in the future.

To report a bagel in Suggested, simply tap on the flag icon in their profile. To report a bagel in Discover, submit a request.

 

 


Ready to meet someone special? Download Coffee Meets Bagel on iOS or Android.

Run Date Festival 2018 – A CMB Experience

February 25, 2018/in CMB Experiences /by Audrie Thompson

On February 11th, 2018, Coffee Meets Bagel hosted Asia’s largest singles running event at Hong Kong Science Park in Hong Kong, with over 1,500+ participants! The 5km run involved a group warm up with ice breaker activities, two obstacle courses that could only be done in pairs, and some awesome date activities like latte making classes and dinner for two as rewards.
So you might be wondering…why did a dating app organize Run Date 2018? At Coffee Meets Bagel, we want to create authentic connections for this generation in all possible ways. We didn’t want to be limited by the online world. We thought hard: how can we bring more playfulness and fun to dating? What if we create in-person opportunities for people to have fun and make new connections – not in an awkward networking event kind of way – but through experiencing new things that you can actually enjoy.
This is why we decided to launch CMB Experiences – unique, real-world events and spaces where people can step offline and engage in a fun, novel, delightful experience together that inspires them to share and connect authentically with someone new! Run Date Festival in Hong Kong was the first CMB Experience of many to come. This coming May, we will host our second CMB Experience — Camp Meets Bagel, a summer sleep-away camp for grown ups that will take place in New York.
We hope that through these shared experiences we can create a sense of relatedness, camaraderie and belonging for everyone! We are excited to organize a series of CMB Experiences that will make great memories for you and your friends, foster great new friendships, and maybe spark some romance as well.

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Singles & Valentine’s Day

February 10, 2018/in Date Stats, Date Tips /by Audrie Thompson

February 14th is upon us! What are singles doing for Valentine’s Day this year? We surveyed over 650 CMBers around the world to determine the latest dating trends and stats around the holiday synonymous with love, and here’s what we found…
CMB Valentine's Day 2018

This is why right now is the best time to be on a dating app!

January 9, 2018/in Date Stats /by Audrie Thompson

We surveyed 800 CMB members across the United States about how this time of the year is impacting their dating lives…and turns out right now is the BEST time to be on a dating app!
CMB: This is why RIGHT NOW is the best time to be on a dating app!

CMB Year in Review: Farewell 2017, Hello 2018! [Asia]

January 4, 2018/in Date Stats /by Audrie Thompson

Happy New Year, Bagels! We hope you rang in the New Year in style (…and maybe even with a Bagel…), but before we get ahead of ourselves let’s bid one last farewell to 2017 by looking back at what happened on CMB!

We crunched some numbers to find out which cities took the crown for most LIKED to most ACTIVE in 2017, and here’s what we found:

CMB 2017: Year in Review Asia

We also took an even closer look at some of our top cities in the Asia! Find out how many introductions were made and messages sent in each city here:

Hong Kong | Singapore 

Cheers, Bagels! Let’s make 2018 a year to remember ;)

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CMB Year in Review: Farewell 2017, Hello 2018!

January 4, 2018/in Date Stats, Dating in LA, Dating in NYC, Dating in SF /by Audrie Thompson

Happy New Year, Bagels! We hope you rang in the New Year in style (…and maybe even with a Bagel…), but before we get ahead of ourselves let’s bid one last farewell to 2017 by looking back at what happened on CMB!
We crunched some numbers to find out which cities took the crown for most LIKED to most ACTIVE in 2017, and here’s what we found:
CMB 2017: United States
We also took an even closer look at some of our top cities in the US! Find out how many introductions were made and messages sent in each city here:
San Francisco | New York | Los Angeles | Boston | Washington D.C. | Chicago
Cheers, Bagels! Let’s make 2018 a year to remember ;)

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Collegiate Dating Trends in Los Angeles

October 31, 2016/in Date Stats /by Dawoon Kang

There are many top-ranked colleges in the Los Angeles area, but how do they stack up when it comes to the dating scene?
We analyzed more than 30,000 profiles of singles from some of the top colleges in Los Angeles to uncover which schools have the most attractive, the pickiest, the most assertive, the chattiest singles and more!
The complete Los Angeles rankings can be found below!2016 Collegiate Dating Trends in LA by CMB

Collegiate Dating Trends in Dallas

October 25, 2016/in Date Stats /by Dawoon Kang

There are many top-ranked colleges in the Dallas area, but how do they stack up when it comes to the dating scene?
We analyzed more than 10,000 profiles of singles from some of the top colleges in Dallas to uncover which schools have the most attractive, the pickiest, the most assertive, the chattiest singles and more!
The complete Dallas rankings can be found below!
2016 Collegiate Dating Trends in Dallas by CMB

Collegiate Dating Trends in Washington DC

October 25, 2016/in Date Stats /by Dawoon Kang

There are many top-ranked colleges in the Washington DC area, but how do they stack up when it comes to the dating scene?
We analyzed more than 13,000 profiles of singles from some of the top colleges in Washington DC to uncover which schools have the most attractive, the pickiest, the most assertive, the chattiest singles and more! (Spoiler Alert: Georgetown ranks pretty high across the board!)
The complete Washington DC rankings can be found below!
2016 Collegiate Dating Trends in Washington DC by CMB

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