Often with online dating, we wait to message someone because we are hunting for the perfect opener. An hour goes by… then a day… then a couple more… and then, wait! Is it too late to message now? Cue the wallowing in self-pity and hail Mary message that reeks of panic and desperation.
Analysis paralysis is very real in online dating.
While there are highly-optimized and better message options than the “Hey” “Sup bb” and “how r u”s of the world (Refer to my CMB book or contact me for more detail, of course), there is never going to be a message or opener that will live up to the expectations that you are placing on it. It’s something I run into with my clients constantly – they want to intrigue, attract, charm, seduce, and stand out all in one first message to their intended paramours. This is natural, because we know that online dating is a numbers game to some extent, and you have to make the biggest impact you can in the shortest amount of time possible. But in reality, those messages end up being so twisted and contrived that they are tossed by the wayside and have a far lower success rate than you’d think. So how exactly should you write your first message, and what should you be aiming to do with it?
It’s simple. Dial back your expectations and don’t try to be Don Juan and Fabio rolled up into one message. Your first message has one singular purpose – to get a reply.
This falls squarely in the gray area between “Hi bb” and a novella with an intro, thesis, and conclusion. Whether you want to accomplish that by…:
(1) commenting on a common interest – Favorite Coachella performance? I can never get over Daft Punk in ’07.
(2) asking about a regional event – Did you brave that ramen festival over the weekend? Longest lines ever.
(3) relating a mini-story about how her dog reminds you of your own dog food – The first time I took my dog to the beach, he stayed in the water for 3 hours straight… are our dogs related?
… that’s up to you. But see how those 3 openers are pretty much as organic a way to begin a conversation as the medium allows, and relatively short? Remember, people look for personal connections through online dating, just as they do in real life. Now that we’ve got our first message taken care of, click over to find out exactly how to message to ask her out!
Read more from Patrick at Patrick King Consulting, and check out his best-selling CMB-focused online dating book on Amazon.
About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.