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Stretching The Truth: Do Lesbians And Gay Men Lie About Their Height?

April 14, 2015/in Date Stats /by Guest Blogger

The following article is a guest post, courtesy of Timothy Sweetser

Everyone pretty much knows the importance of being tall when dating in the straight community. It explains why so many lie about their own height in online dating. But what about among gay & lesbians? Does being tall make you more attractive or less appealing? Do they lie about their height too? By analyzing thousands of interactions between Coffee Meets Bagel’s gay men and lesbians, we have the scoop on how height affects attraction for same-sex couples. (Take a guess before you read the rest!)

All Men Lie (but some lie more than others)

men lie about their height straight men lie more than gay men On average, the gay men of CMB say they are 5’9.7″ tall; in comparison, according to the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, men in the United States between the ages of 20 and 39 are only 5’9.5″ tall. This difference, albeit small, is significant at 1% using a t-test. So either the gay population on CMB is just taller than the average men in the US, or they exaggerate their height slightly. It’s probably the latter but that’s ok because this just proved that gay men lie less than straight men! 

So is being tall “good” or “bad”?

To find out, we need a model.

Matt Cook

Matt Cook via Instagram

Hot as he is, I don’t think he has the answers. A statistical model, on the other hand, can tell us how often gay men like their Bagels, depending on both of their heights. (ok, bad joke – sorry – at least he is nice to look at). We can illustrate this with a few hypothetical guys of particular heights. do gay men like taller men Gay men like men who are at least as tall as themselves: if his Bagel is shorter than he is, each inch shorter decreases the odds of being liked by 7%. If his Bagel is taller than he is, this increases the odds of being liked by less than 1%. As a Bagel, being taller than your match is not much better than being his height, but being the same height is preferable to being shorter.  The vertices in the plot represent the point where each guy is the same height as his Bagel; you can see that each of the three guys likes Bagels to the right (taller) better than Bagels to the left (shorter). Let’s look at this for gay men of all heights. do gay men like taller men all heights Gay men prefer their Bagels to be at least as tall as they are (above the line), and dislike it when their Bagels are shorter than they are (below the line). Given this, does it make sense for gay men to lie about their height? Saying you are an inch taller than you really are doesn’t make you that much more attractive to guys who are already shorter than you, but it does make you more attractive to a guy who is really an inch taller than you. This is because with the fib, the two of you are now the same height. That is, until he finds out that you lied about your height. What else did you lie about, hmm? Now it’s lesbians’ turn; do they lie about their height? if they do, does it make them more attractive?

How much do women lie about their height?

do women lie about their height Yes: women exaggerate too! Straight women exaggerate about the same amount (half an inch) as straight men, while lesbians exaggerate by more than an inch. This extreme exaggeration makes sense only if lesbians strongly prefer tall women. Then, they would have the same reason to lie as men: it makes them more attractive to their desired partners. And since height is generally considered a valuable characteristic, this seems pretty plausible. To find out if lesbians really do prefer tall women, we’ll use another model and illustrate it with a few hypothetical women of particular heights.

How tall does she like her Bagel?

do lesbians like taller womenHold the phone: lesbians of all heights prefer short women! If her Bagel is shorter, each inch shorter increases the odds of being liked by 4%; if her Bagel is taller, each inch taller decreases the odds of being liked by 2%. Also note that the lines are parallel: short women are more picky about their Bagels than tall women, because they know they are popular and can afford to be selective. This same pattern holds for lesbians of all heights: no matter how tall she is, she prefers the shortest bagel possible. This is just like straight men’s preference for women’s age: the younger, the better, no matter how old he is. do lesbians like tall women all heightsBut this is totally backwards: why would gay women inflate their height, if their partners like shorter women better? I’m going to skate over to some seriously thin ice, but hear me out. Maybe this is the result of variation in gender identity. People who identify as more masculine may prefer shorter partners, while people who identify as more feminine may prefer taller partners. If this is the case, and if height is a masculine trait, then the exaggerated height and the preference for short people imply that CMB’s lesbians may identify more strongly with a masculine gender identity. There is some evidence that shorter gay men are more likely to be bottoms and taller men are more likely to be tops, but this certainly doesn’t prove anything about lesbians. This is just my own wild guess: as a heterosexual, married man, I am pretty clueless. Please leave a comment to tell me this is totally bogus, and why you think lesbians exaggerate their own height, yet prefer shorter women.

Can everyone win in musical chairs? or will someone be left out in the cold?

In my previous post, we found that straight men and women have mutually compatible preferences: they both like the man to be taller. Are gay men’s and lesbians’ preferences similarly compatible? Or is it like musical chairs, where someone will be left out when the music stops? Gay men like taller men, but not much more than men their own height; therefore, if every gay man had a Bagel his own height, everyone would be happy. Even if it doesn’t work out that way, it’s at least possible that everyone gets what he wants – in terms of height, at least. However, lesbians are unique in uniformly preferring short Bagels, no matter how tall they themselves are. Does this mean that no one will date tall lesbians? Not really, because lesbians’ preference for short women is extremely weak. To show this, I measured “strength of height preference” as the Euclidean distance between two numbers: the change in odds of Liking if a taller Bagel is 1” taller, and the change in odds of Liking if a shorter Bagel is 1” shorter. This summarizes each group’s preferences for taller and shorter Bagels from two numbers to one, allowing an easy visual comparison. who cares the most about partner's height Straight women have far and away the strongest preferences about height, while lesbians have the weakest. This is good news for tall lesbians; if all lesbians insisted on having a short partner, the tall ones would be out of luck. Fortunately for them, lesbians rely mostly on factors other than height in evaluating their Bagels. If you enjoyed this post, check out how straight men and women feel about height.


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About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

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is it ok to date a shorter guy

How Tall Are You, Really? Why Men and Women Lie About Their Height

February 10, 2015/in Date Stats /by Guest Blogger

The following article is a guest post, courtesy of Timothy Sweetser

Does this couple look unusual to you? Unlike Sophie Dahl, whose husband Jamie Cullum is 8″ shorter, many women prefer to date taller men. I don’t know whether this is due to evolutionary biology (tall men might be stronger and better at protecting their offspring) or cultural norms (we associate height with status and wealth), but it does seem convenient to have someone who can reach things on the top shelf, and is easy to find in a crowd. On the other hand, dating a short guy has its advantages, too: you don’t have to strain your neck to kiss him! For whatever reason, the myth that “tall is better” is still widespread.
In this post, I will use 2.7 million interactions between Coffee Meets Bagel’s (CMB) straight members to see if women really do prefer tall men. I will also investigate something that nobody ever talks about: do men have a preference about women’s height? Along the way, we’ll see how people strategically fudge their height in order to seem more attractive. This post is all about CMB’s straight members, but I will cover our gay members in the next post!
Before I share the results, a quick refresher on how CMB works: Every day at noon, CMB introduces members to one single (a.k.a. a “Bagel”), whom they must LIKE or PASS within 24 hours. These Bagels are friends of friends who also meet the member’s basic match preference criteria – gender, age, race, religion – which the members tell us when they first register with CMB. The member sees these characteristics, along with the Bagel’s height, occupation, and more, before deciding whether to LIKE or PASS. A mutual LIKE leads to a direct connection via a private chat line that the couple can use to communicate.

How tall are you, really?

On average, the men of CMB say they are 5’10” tall; in comparison, according to the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, men in the United States between the ages of 20 and 39 are only 5’9.5″ tall. This difference is significant at 1% using a t-test. male height coffee meets bagel versus averageBy comparing these two groups, I am assuming that there is no systematic difference between the men of CMB and the general US population of the same age. This might not be true if, for example, CMB had a disproportionate number of lumberjacks: tall lumberjacks illustrate selection biasBut another reason for the observed discrepancy is that guys are stretching the truth when they give their height. Men have two conflicting incentives; they want to be as attractive as possible, which (they think) means taller; but they also want to be honest, and know they can’t get away with exaggerating too much. After all, would you trust someone who turned out to be six inches shorter than they had said in their profile? They might reconcile these conflicting incentives with a small fudge. For example, a guy who might be somewhere between 5’7” and 5’8” would claim to be 5’8”. Little embellishments like this could add up to the half-inch gap between CMB’s straight men and the US average.
When Ok Cupid did a similar analysis, they found that their users exaggerated by a full two inches! Kudos to the men of CMB for being more honest than their counterparts on Ok Cupid.
Returning to CMB, we found that straight men seem to think that women find height attractive, and so strategically inflate their height. Do women do the same thing?

Do women lie about their height, too?

Yes: women exaggerate just as much as men do! female height coffee meets bagel versus national average Evidently, they also think that height is an attractive quality to their desired partners. Both men and women seem to think that their desired partners are attracted to height, and so exaggerate their height. But is this really what their partners want? and even if taller is more attractive on average, what about relative height: how does my height compared to your height affect whether you will like me?

How tall would you like your Bagel, miss?

I’m going to start with straight women: how do a woman’s own height and her Bagel’s height affect how often she likes him? Let’s look at a few hypothetical women of particular heights and compare how they like men of different heights. how much do women prefer tall men Women definitely like taller men, but dislike men shorter than themselves even more: notice the sharp change at the point where she is the same height as her Bagel. If he is shorter than she is, she is much less attracted to him: being an extra inch shorter decreases the odds of her liking him by 40%. If he is taller than she is, the taller the better, but the effect is nowhere near as dramatic: each extra inch only increases her odds of liking him by 10%. Now let’s look at this for women of all heights. how much do women prefer tall men contour plot As long as her Bagel is taller than she is (above the line), women think that taller is better, no matter how tall she is. Straight men, then, have two valid reasons for exaggerating their height; being taller makes them more attractive to all women, but also makes them taller than a greater number of women, who desire a guy taller than themselves. Also notice that women over 5’10” are more open to dating someone slightly shorter, presumably because of the paucity of (and competition for!) guys taller than that. The stereotype seems to hold: straight women really do like tall men. But we saw above that straight women exaggerated their height by about the same amount as straight men. Is this warranted? do straight men really prefer tall women?

How tall would you like your Bagel, sir?

how much do men prefer tall womenFirst of all, straight men definitely do have a preference. In fact, their favorite height for a woman is his own! You can see that each guy’s preference peaks at his own height; he doesn’t mind too much if she’s shorter, but his interest plummets if she is taller than him. Straight women, then, also seem justified in exaggerating their height. If she is shorter than he is, an inch of height increases his odds of liking her by 2%; however, if she is taller than him, an extra inch decreases the odds of him liking her by 10%. For women, being taller is more attractive to your average guy, as long as you are still shorter than him. As before, we can look at this for men of all heights. how much do men like tall women contour plot These chevrons are rotations of the upside-down V shapes we saw above, and have the same meaning: a man’s ideal is a women his own height, and strongly prefers a woman shorter than himself (below the line) to one who is taller (above the line).

Summary

Both men and women like their partners to be tall, but in a relative rather than absolute sense. Men slightly prefer tall women, but strongly prefer to be the taller one of the couple. Women feel even more strongly that their Bagel should be taller than themselves; as long as this is true, women of all heights prefer a taller guy. Men and women tend to agree that the man should be taller; this compatibility of preferences is good news for the future of our species! It is also good news for short guys: while it’s somewhat better to be absolutely taller, it’s more important that you are taller than your Bagel. With men’s natural height advantage, you will catch the eye of plenty of shorter women. Given these preferences, it’s no surprise that men exaggerate their height; it makes them more attractive to all women, and also taller than a greater number of women, increasing their attractiveness to that group. But I must issue a word of caution to the women out there who are exaggerating their height: this makes you a bit more attractive to the guys who are still taller than you say you are, but much less attractive to the guys who are your height, but not as tall as you claim to be. But if you and he both exaggerate by a half inch, you’ll be perfect for each other!
Did you enjoy this post? Read more dating stats about how the number of singles in your city affects who likes you.


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About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a dating app designed with women in mind. Founded by 3 sisters in 2012 in NYC, CMB aims to deliver a fun, safe, and quality dating experience that results in meaningful relationships.

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It's Raining Men - online dating

It’s Raining Men! How The Number Of Singles In Your City Affects Who Likes You

January 27, 2015/in Date Stats /by Guest Blogger

The following article is a guest post, courtesy of Timothy Sweetser

What if it really did rain men (or women)? No, seriously – imagine thousands of attractive, available singles suddenly fell from the sky and moved in to your town. How would this change your approach to dating? I don’t know about you, but with lots of new people potentially interested in me, I think I would become pickier about whom I liked, since I know that I now have more options. To test this hypothesis, I looked at how many men and women live in each major city across the U.S. (from the U.S. Census), and compared this to how often men and women on Coffee Meets Bagel LIKE their matches (using 800,000 matches). The idea is that the more singles of the opposite sex there are in your city, the more options you have, and therefore, you become pickier. I only looked at the dating statistics for straight users for now, but will investigate this for gay users soon.
Before I share the results, a quick refresher on how CMB works:  Every day at noon, CMB introduces members to one single (a.k.a. a “Bagel”), whom they must LIKE or PASS within 24 hours. These Bagels are friends of friends who also meet the member’s basic match preference criteria – gender, age, race, religion – which the members tell us when they first register with CMB. A mutual LIKE leads to a direct connection via a private phone line that the couple can use to communicate.
Now that you’re reminded of how CMB works, let’s see if having more options allows men and women to be pickier about their bagels. First, let’s see what men do.

 Men’s Pickiness vs. Number of Women Available to Them

when men have more women to date, they are more picky about whom they like
As I predicted, men in cities like NYC and DC, where there are a lot of women available, LIKED their matches much less often than men in cities where there are fewer women (e.g., San Antonio and Denver). This doesn’t surprise me – when they have a lot of options to choose from, men can afford to be picky! Does having more options also make women pickier?

Women’s Pickiness vs. Number of Men Available to Them

when women have more men to date, they are less picky about whom they like
Things actually looked very different for women. Women in larger cities like New York and Los Angeles, with lots of men available, were actually less picky than women in smaller cities like Detroit or Seattle. This really surprised me: women in cities with less men are pickier? This is exactly the opposite of what I expected! Can it really be right?
What we haven’t accounted for is the competition factor: if you’re a woman in a big city with a lot of men to choose from, there are also a lot of other women going after the same men. Since having more options means having more competition, we need to compare pickiness to the relative availability of men and women, that is, the ratio of men to women, instead of the absolute number of men or women available. This simultaneously measures how many options and how much competition each gender faces for the opposite sex. With this new definition of availability, let’s take another look at how picky men are.

Men’s Pickiness vs. Relative Availability of Women

men in short supply (high demand) are more picky
With this new definition of availability, which accounts for competition, men are still behaving in the way I expect: in cities where men are relatively scarce (e.g., New York, DC, Boston), they are pickier than in cities where they dominate (e.g., Seattle). I highlighted only the biggest cities to illustrate the effect. This is what I expected, and matches what we saw before when we looked at pickiness versus absolute number of women to choose from. How do women respond to the relative availability of men?

Women’s Pickiness vs. Relative Availability of Men

the abundance or scarcity of men does not affect whether a women likes her match
As before, things looked very different for women. Women completely ignore the relative availability of the opposite sex when they check out their match. For example, although DC has more women than men, women in DC like their matches just as often as the women in San Francisco, where there are a lot more men than women.
****** We interrupt this blog post with a public service announcement to the women of San Francisco: don’t like so many guys!!! There are more of them than there are of you, which means you have the power to choose! When you see an illiterate guy still living in his parents’ basement, don’t hesitate to pass him over for the tall, suave, handsome gentleman. He’ll be lucky to have you. ******
We now return to our regularly scheduled blog post.

Conclusion

In summary, men are more likely to LIKE their match when women are in short supply, but for women, the scarcity or abundance of men doesn’t even register. Why could this be? Imagine that a man and a woman are (separately) looking for a date for Saturday night. If they can’t find a suitable date, his back-up plan is to hang out with the guys, while her back-up plan is to go out with her friends. What these findings suggest is that our imaginary guy strongly prefers to go out on a date – when it is hard to find a date (because there is a lot of competition and/or few options), he responds by LIKING more of his matches to increase his chances of finding someone to go out with. But our imaginary lady doesn’t care if her match is the last guy on Earth; she will only go out with him if she wants to, perhaps because she is equally happy to go out with her friends as to go out on a date. This is just my guess – why do you think men respond to the level of competition, or number of options, while women don’t? Let me know in the comments!
Did you enjoy this post? Read more dating stats and surprising sex facts


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About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

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