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6 Ways to Start a Conversation With Just About Anyone

October 27, 2014/in Date Tips /by Guest Blogger

Last week, I went to see a burlesque show for the first time. I didn’t realize that it was basically a strip tease dance performance. The thing that really struck me was the fact that these women were far from skinny. I don’t even feel comfortable walking around the beach in a bikini and there these women were doing tassel twirls from their tits while flaunting their muffin tops and cellulite without any shame. I immediately wanted to interview these women for one of the websites I write for covering the live entertainment scene because of the positive messages of body image these women were displaying through their risque performances.
After the show, the new friends I had made at the hostel I was staying at in Portland offered to stick around so I could go talk to them, but I was too shy. I didn’t want to interrupt the conversation someone else had started with them. I didn’t want to be rude, I didn’t know how to open, and I basically choked. How do you start a conversation with someone without it feeling like an interview or some kind of interrogation?
While waiting to talk to one of the performers in the middle of a conversation with a couple of the other audience members, I saw another one of the performers talking to someone in my group. It felt less intimidating to jump into that conversation since I knew my new friends wouldn’t think I was being rude. When it came down to it, my friends helped me get the conversation started and I kept it going by asking follow-up questions. But what happens when your friends aren’t there to set you up?
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The reality of starting conversations with perfect strangers is that at some point, you’re going to have to learn how to do it all by yourself. As a former sorority girl, I’d like to think that I was highly trained at having conversations with just about anyone after spending hours perfecting the art of a well-executed bumping pattern every year for sorority recruitment. Here are a few conversation starter tips I’ve picked up since my sorority days that have worked well for me during my time in Portland where I don’t know a soul.
Smile and say a hello.
This is by far one of the easiest ways to start a conversation with someone. No words need be exchanged when a smile says it all. Throw in a simple hello and that’s all you really need to start a conversation with just about anyone. While staying at my first hostel for almost a week, I’d hang out in the common room areas and smile to anyone who sat down next to me or made eye contact with me. When someone smiled back, I took that as an invitation to start a conversation, and would ask that person what brought him or her to Portland. Whenever someone new made their way into the women’s dorm, I’d smile, say hello and introduce myself which led to conversations about reasons for visiting Portland. My first day at the dorm, I did this to the first four women that entered the room and then asked if they were hungry. One by one, I invited each of these women to have lunch with me at this food truck haven known as Cartlandia. They all said yes and the conversations kept going from there.
Request a small favor.
Do you have the time? Do you have change for a dollar? Do you know when the bus is supposed to arrive? Can you watch my laptop while I use the bathroom? These are all very simple requests that can easily get a conversation started with anyone open to one. In mundane situations like waiting for the bus or working out of a coffee shop, a simple request can break up the monotony of someone’s everyday life with a touch of human connection, even for a brief moment in time. The other day, I installed a new email capturing plugin on my website, but I wasn’t sure if I installed it correctly, so I asked the person next to me if they could do me a favor. He seemed reluctant at first, but then I told him what I was trying to do and it led to a conversation about things I write about and he ended up helping me verify that my plugin was not configured properly.
Pay someone a compliment.
Another easy way to start a conversation with someone is through a friendly compliment. I can’t tell you how many times people have started conversations with me by telling me they liked my purse, my shoes or my necklace. I’ve certainly done this one myself, especially whenever I see a man rocking a hot pink tie. The other day, one of the women in my dorm room at the hostel was a retired meteorologist whom I later learned was a marathon runner. I couldn’t help but notice how nice and toned her legs were for her age so I paid her a compliment and told her so. I figured she would appreciate the compliment, especially at her age, and she most certainly did. People appreciate compliments and are more willing to talk to you when the compliment comes across as sincere and genuine.
Ask for an opinion.
This is probably one of my favorite ways to start a conversation with someone. It’s a classic technique used by pickup artists, but it’s also ideal for writers and journalists working on a story that could use the added insights of an alternative perspective. Asking people questions is a sure-fire way to get a conversation started, especially when that question is an engaging one. For example, I’m working on a piece about the best coffee shops in Portland so I could open a conversation by asking someone if they knew of any good coffee shops in town and which ones he or she thought were the best. Another example is asking someone if they think a joke is funny or lame. In fact, when I was younger, that was exactly how I made friends. I’d learn a new joke every morning and ask people sitting or standing next to me if they liked jokes and wanted to hear one. Then I’d acknowledge that I wasn’t too good at telling jokes and ask for their opinion on whether the joke was funny or not. No matter how bad I was at telling a joke or how lame the punchline, it always got a conversation started when the other person proceeded to share a joke they knew with me.
Comment on a mutual observation or experience.
Another easy way to start a conversation with someone is by simply making an observation or sharing an experience. Most people open with a comment about the weather. It’s cliche, but it works and can lead to a conversation about where someone is from or what kind of weather he or she is used to and before you know it, you’re talking about favorite vacation spots. Or say you’re standing in line waiting to order coffee when someone causes a huge scene that has everyone’s attention. Naturally, everyone will be looking around to see if anyone else saw what they saw, so when you make eye contact, you can say something like, “So, that just happened” and you can take it from there by using a combination of any of the above conversation starter tips or sharing similar experiences with unusual outcomes. Sometimes people end up swapping stories to pass the time by while waiting in line.
Open with a little humor.
So this one has yet to be tested, but it’s one I would totally try out just for kicks. I actually read this one online and thought it was super unique, but in order for this one to work, you need context. This is one I could have tested when trying to start a conversation with one of the burlesque dancers already engaged in a conversation with a couple other people, but again it’s all about context and depends on your personality type, how many people are involved in a potential conversation you’d like to start or jump into and whether or not you know anyone. Okay, I’ve created enough suspense by now. When you see two or more people talking to each other, you can saunter over nonchalantly and make a simple, yet humorous request:  “Hi, I’m Niki. Can I get tickets to this conversation?” If you want, you can add in the word “because” and explain why you’re interested in joining the conversation. For example, “Because with all the flying hand gestures, I’m really curious to know what you all are talking about.”
So there you have it—six simple ways to start a conversation with just about anyone. Practice with people you cross paths when in your everyday life and it’ll get much easier when you happen to cross paths with an uber hottie. You’ll come off as a natural no matter how nervous you’re feeling on the inside. With these helpful tips, you can start conversations with perfect strangers like a pro.
If you liked this post, then you’ll like these 9 things I learned from moving on after a breakup.


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About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

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Dating Tips

But What Are We Going to Talk About?

July 23, 2013/in Date Tips /by Guest Blogger

The following article is a guest post, courtesy of Lily Rudolph

Yep, we have all been there:
“So what do you do?”
“I work in (not very interesting office job)”
“Really, I work for (similarly dull business)”
Then the silence grows as you rack your brain for questions to ask each other.  Of course you are supposed to stay away from controversial topics like politics, sex, and religion.  Talking about family and future goals seems heavy for a first date, but that doesn’t mean the conversation has to be boring.  Here are 4 interesting conversation topics that will keep you chatting on your first date.
1. Traveling
dating tips: first date conversations
Just the thought of travel takes your mind to a new place.  Share stories about places you have visited and cultural experiences you have had.  Allow yourself to get wistful.  I know it might seem silly to tell your date about your dream of sailing around the world or visiting the moon, especially if you are the super-logical type, but once you get lost in conversation the date will feel more comfortable and fun.  For a little inspiration check out Amazing Places  by The Cool Hunter.
2. Shared Interests
dating tips: first date conversations
Whether you share an affinity for climbing, surfing, cooking, knitting or anime conventions, talking about shared interests will bring you closer together and might even give you ideas for future dates.  If you can’t think of a favorite past time maybe it’s time to start a new one.  Check out these tips for hobby hunting in A Beautiful Mess, an awesome blog by Elise and Emma Larsen.
3. Things That Used to be in Style
dating tips: first date conversations
This only really works if you were born in the same part of the world in the same generation, but talking about your favorite childhood TV shows and the fashion you grew up with will allow you to relate to each other’s memories.  For ideas check out BuzzFeed Rewind.  If you grew up in the 80’s, Like Totally 80’s will be a total blast from the past.
4. If You Were Stranded on a Desert Island blah blah blah
dating tips: first date conversations
Okay so that one is a bit played out, but creative questions can be fun.  My favorites are: If you were to design a restaurant what would it be like?  If you were born into a different decade what decade would you choose?  If you could sleep with one dead celebrity (in their prime of course) who would it be and why?
Most importantly, remember to be creative.  Use these dating tips as guidelines that you can branch off from, let the conversation flow naturally, and have fun!

CMB Texting 101

March 14, 2012/in Date Tips /by CMB

Hello CMB members and FUTURE CMB members ;)

We text all the time- no biggie. However, when it comes to that first text you send to the Bagel you’re interested in, it becomes a different story where you pause and have to think for a bit.

You don’t want to come off as the boring one or be creepy and ask for drinks at 10:00pm. So how can you be friendly, approachable, and make a good first impression with your text? Here are some good and bad examples our team collected.

BAD

Hey.  (Really? ..That’s a great conversation starter…really..)

Whaddup. (We’re grownups here. Let’s talk like one.)

Meet up for a drink? (This is fine after some actual talking, but this is comes off too abrupt. )

GOOD


Notre Dame! I was just in Indiana for work. How did you survive through the cold? ( Found a relevant topic to talk about- AWESOME!)

Your profile pic was so cute that I had to say hello. Can’t believe it’s almost spring again? Lets chat soon. (compliments the bagel in a sweet way and tries to get to know the person first)

Hello. I love to play golf as well even though it’s hard to do so in the city. Where are you from originally?  (When you share the same hobby or interest it becomes a great conversation starter, and a potential date activity)

Hi I thought it would be great to meet up for coffee since we are both in Finance, but let’s talk about something else :)   (Friendly and suggests that this meet up doesn’t have to entirely romantic. CMB can be a way to network as well.)

As you can see, mentioning your Bagel’s hobby and interest can be a easy way to start a conversation and you can have more fun with it. This is why it is so important to fill out your own profile and be descriptive of what you like to do and to tell the person a little more about yourself. Even your pictures. Don’t just put one picture, but maybe 2 or 3…or even 4 pictures of your face and yourself doing some interesting activity. These are all good conversation starters and gives a better sense of who you are to the other person. Wouldn’t you want to see such information on your Bagel’s profile rather than one picture and no other information?

There are many other ways to say ,”Hello” to your bagel. Hopefully these examples were helpful and inspired you to send a  text that makes your bagel want to talk to you more.

Good luck fellow CMB members!

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