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Singapore daters: Are you talking about sex?

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When you’re dating someone new and it feels right, it makes sense to start wondering about the next steps. Should I introduce them to my family? Will they love my dog? When are we going to have sex? 

If that last question made you pause, you’re not alone. Talking about sex pretty much everywhere has a reputation for being uncomfortable or even taboo. This is especially true for singles in Singapore. 

But we don’t think that has to be the status quo anymore. So, we got together with Durex to tackle the topic and give Singaporeans the tools they need to speak up about sex. 

Spoiler alert, talking about sex is tough

To kick off our campaign with Durex, we asked daters in Singapore for their thoughts around talking about sex. Right away, we realized that plenty of people actually want to talk about it…but just aren’t. 

54% of daters think it's important to talk about sex with their dates, but only 23% are actually talking about it

It turns out that asking if your date wants to have sex isn’t really the hard part. Only 26% of daters said that’s where they get tripped up. But more than half of singles said the No. 1 thing they have trouble talking about is health and safety, like STD history or latest test date.

There was also a difference between men and women when it comes to bringing up sexual health with someone new.

70% of women feel it is very important to use a condom, compared to 36% of men
59% of women want to know their dates’ STD history and latest test date, compared to 34% of men

These numbers show that women in Singapore might be bearing more of the burden around safe sex practices. And that burden is even more difficult if you and your partner aren’t actually talking about it. 

What’s stopping daters from talking about sex?

When asked why they aren’t bringing up sex with their dates, 40% of daters said the same thing: it’s super uncomfortable. 

Societal expectations play a major role here when we break down why talking about sex is uncomfortable in the first place. The No. 1 reason daters don’t feel like it’s OK to talk about sex with someone new? They don’t want to seem too forward or promiscuous. 

The top three reasons daters feel uncomfortable talking about sex #1 I don’t want to come across as promiscuous #2 I never talked about it, so I don't know how #3 It's too embarrassing

One other reason stood out when daters shared why they aren’t talking about sex: 42% of women don’t feel comfortable talking about it because they just aren’t interested in sex before marriage, while only 19% of men felt this way. 

How we can normalize talking about sex 

We know dating is already complicated enough. And talking about something as awkward as sex adds an extra layer of worry. So, we figured the best thing to do was to be as forward as possible, and sat down with some daters to have them answer questions about sex together.    

Daters in Singapore sit down together to answer questions about sex and dating.

Here’s the simple truth: You can’t have an honest, lasting relationship without good communication. And your sex life is included in that, too. If you want to know something about your date, like where they grew up or what their plans are for the future, you’d ask them. The same should go for questions around sex.

And even if you’re not interested in pre-marital sex, that doesn’t mean you should skip the conversation. It’s important that you share your plans with your dates and encourage them to do the same in return. That way, you can both make informed decisions about whether your wants and needs are compatible. 

So that’s why we’re here to give you the tools you need to confidently ask the questions. We asked daters what they struggle with most and want to learn more about – here’s what we got. 

How do I bring up sex? 

You want to talk about sex with your dates…but just have no clue where to start. We totally get that, it’s a whole new world for a lot of us. Here are some questions to get you started:

💜 Is sex something you’re interested in?

💜 What are you looking for in a sexual partner?

💜 At what point would you feel comfortable having sex?

💜 What are some boundaries you need to set before sex? 

💜 If you’re sleeping with other people, have you been tested?

Obviously, you don’t have to ask every one of these questions like some sort of interview. Think of these questions as guidelines to feel out what matters most to you, and you can ask them when the time feels right. 

How do I set boundaries in my sex life?

We all know boundaries are important for a healthy relationship. But what does a boundary even mean? They’re going to look different for everyone. Here’s a few guidelines to help you figure yours out. 

Think about past experiences. What did you like, what didn’t you like? Use those to figure out what you’d like your date to know now.

Get comfortable saying no. If you’re not down to have sex until a certain time or don’t want to try something they’re into, speak up. And if your date can’t respect those boundaries, it’s a sign to move on. 

Write it down. Try filling out a yes/no/maybe worksheet to figure out what you’re both into. Writing things down and reading responses on your own time takes away some of that awkwardness that comes with talking in person.

Talk safety. Test dates, condom use, STD history, all that. And remember, safewords aren’t just for BDSM relationships. They work any time you need to quickly express when something isn’t right.

How do I build intimacy through sex? 

OK, now you know the importance of talking about sex and you can cover the basics. Let’s build on that to make your relationship and sex life even better. 

Start outside the bedroom. No, not like what you’re thinking. Ditch the small talk and work on opening up outside of your sex life, instead. That way you’ll feel more comfortable being real about what you like sexually. 

Talk about your definitions. To you, sex might mean one thing. But to the person you’re seeing, it might look a little different. If you two aren’t on the same page, it might lead to a misunderstanding or unmet expectations.

Be explicit. Be clear about what you like and don’t like. If you’re just going through the motions with each other, chances are you’re not having the best sex you could be having. It can be as simple as “Hey, that whole leg move we did? I definitely cramped up. Let’s not do that again.”

Discover your fantasies. Once you’ve got that whole using-your-words thing down, move on from basic boundaries to sexual fantasies. You might feel silly, and maybe you’ll laugh or fumble while trying it out, but letting your partner try something new with you is super intimate.

Be prepared. Let’s be real, nothing kills a mood faster than not having peace of mind. Make sure you’ve got what you need, like condoms, beforehand. That way, it’s less worrying and more focusing on each other.

Where we can go from here

Listen, sex isn’t an easy topic, and we’re not all going to suddenly become experts who never fumble their way through a tough conversation. But we have to start somewhere if we want to make talking about sex our new normal. 

If you want to learn more dating advice like this, be sure to check out our Instagram. We can get better at building lasting, stronger relationships together. 

CMB plus Getaway

CMB and Getaway giving a 2-night stay to couples affected by COVID-19

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A lot of good things have been crossed off the calendar lately, from casual happy hours to some of life’s more important events, like weddings. 

Couples everywhere have been faced with the hard decision to cancel their big day. But through it all, we’ve seen them find a way to celebrate their love anyway. Some are swapping guest lists for Zoom invites and photo booths for webcams, but the end result is still the same: Two people coming together to pledge their love with friends and family there to witness (well, virtually at least). 

One such couple was Sophia and David, who met on CMB three years ago. The plan was to get married on April 25, 2020, but they spent the weeks leading up to the big day with increasing worry. 

As news about the spread of COVID-19 rolled in, the couple went from wondering if they should postpone their honeymoon to facing the reality that their wedding simply couldn’t happen as planned. 

Instead, they had an intimate backyard ceremony – just David, Sophia, and their church pastor, with 150 guests watching via livestream. Nothing went according to plan, but Sophia recounts that it was all the more special because it happened in the face of adversity. 

When we heard about their plan to pivot to a virtual wedding, our co-founders decided to surprise them during the reception with a gift. 

Watch their wedding surprise below:

 

 

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A post shared by Coffee Meets Bagel (@coffeemeetsbagel) on

 

We teamed up with Getaway to give them a 2-night stay at a Getaway cabin, and now we’re offering the same gift to up to 10 other couples whose weddings or honeymoons have been affected by COVID-19.

Gifting couples with a Getaway weekend

Has your wedding or honeymoon been derailed by the pandemic? You can apply for the opportunity to receive a free 2-night stay at one of Getaway’s cozy cabins. Picture it now: you and your partner, away from the hustle of day-to-day life, surrounded by all nature has to offer. And hey, maybe your dog is there, too. 

Sounds like the perfect mini-honeymoon, right? 

And don’t worry, the gift doesn’t have to be used immediately – only when you feel safe and comfortable with traveling. But if you’d like to escape ASAP, you can read more here on what Getaway is doing to ensure their locations are safe for guests. 

How do I apply?

If you’ve been reading along and thought something along the lines of “Hey, my wedding was affected by COVID-19,” then you’re the perfect fit – and we’d love for you to apply! 

We’re offering this 2-night Getaway stay to up to 10 couples who meet the qualifications. Here’s what you need to know about eligibility and the application:

– Your wedding or honeymoon was canceled or rescheduled due to COVID-19.

– If chosen, you’ll be required to show proof of cancellation (receipt, with date of the event).

– Five CMB couples and five non-CMB couples will be randomly selected.

– Getaway Outposts are only available in these locations: Atlanta, Austin/San Antonio, Boston, Dallas, Los Angeles, New York, Pittsburgh/Cleveland, Portland, and Washington, D.C.

– One couple per Getaway location will be chosen.

And that’s all there is to it! Fill out this application – the deadline to apply is May 5, 2020. We’ll reach out if you and your partner were selected. 

There’s nothing fun about canceled plans. But seeing couples do what they can to make the best of their situation has been inspiring to us here at CMB. We hope these Getaway weekends can be something fun added to the calendar. 

*NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW. Ends May 5th, 2020 at 8:00am Eastern Time. Must be 21+, and be a legal resident of the U.S. Sponsor: Coffee Meets Bagel, Inc. Odds of winning depend on the number of entries received. Click here for complete rules.

 

Ready to get your virtual chat on? Download Coffee Meets Bagel to text yourself a link. Or, download CMB directly from your phone: iOS | Android

Coffee Talk

‘Coffee Talk’ gives CMB Community a place to virtually meet

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Stop us if any of this sounds familiar: You’ve recently dug up never-before-used puzzles from the games closet. Your Google search history includes “How to bake ciabatta.” And checking your phone’s screen time report? Forget about it.

At first, coronavirus was simply scary. And to be honest, it’s still scary. But with social distancing and shelter-in-place becoming the new normal, life has become a little lonely – and even boring, as well.

To combat the feelings of isolation and remind CMBers that we’re in this together (at least virtually), we’ve launched Coffee Talk: a virtual meetup with the CMB community.

Coffee Talk: conversations from the couch

Sure, we may have to be physically apart, but Coffee Talk gives CMB singles the chance to get their socialization on from the comfort of their own home – cozy slippers and glass of wine optional. 

Every Tuesday and Friday at 8 p.m. local time, we’ll be hosting virtual meetups for bagels in five major shelter-in-place cities: San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, and Washington, D.C.

How does it work?

Once each session starts, participants will be greeted by a CMB moderator. They’ll go over some ground rules and then kick things off with an initial icebreaker. 

From there, everyone will break into small groups of 6-8 people so they can have more intimate conversations. After about 20 minutes, we do a little bit of video-chat musical chairs and switch up groups, giving participants the opportunity to meet as many new people as possible. 

And while we’ll provide an icebreaker or two, anything goes for conversation – from dating during COVID-19, to your latest Animal Crossing tips and Netflix picks (“Tiger King,” anyone?)

At the end of the hour, we’ll bring all of the groups back together for some parting words. And if some CMB singles happened to hit it off, romantically or platonically, they’ll have the opportunity to exchange contact info via DM.

The buzz on Coffee Talk

We’ve hosted a few Coffee Talks so far and the response has been overwhelmingly positive: When surveyed, more than 90% of participants said they would join again. 

Many participants felt that chatting with people who are also getting used to this “weird new world” helped normalize their emotions. Hearing that you’re not alone in this feeling helps make it a bit more manageable. 

“I believe that CMB’s mission to create real connections is even more important in uncertain times like this,” says Dawoon Kang, Coffee Meets Bagel’s co-founder and -CEO. “We needed to be creative about how we can enable them to stay connected with one another in times of social distancing, shelter-in-place, and self quarantining.” 

With the news cycle constantly changing and being cut off from our normal day-to-day interactions, something as simple as a casual conversation with strangers can be the thing that turns your day around.

How do I sign up?

When you open the app on Tuesdays and Fridays before 3 p.m. local time, we’ll show an in-app announcement that will let you sign up for that night’s event. 

Remember, we’re hosting small groups to help daters really get to know one another, so that means space is limited. After signing up, be on the lookout for a follow-up email to let you know whether your spot is confirmed. If one night’s roster fills up fast, don’t let that deter you from signing up for the next one. We have plenty to talk about, so be sure to try again.

To sign up for our Coffee Talks on Tuesdays and Fridays at 8 p.m. local time, open your app (and hey, maybe check your noon bagel while you’re at it.).

 

Ready to get your virtual chat on? Download Coffee Meets Bagel to text yourself a link. Or, download CMB directly from your phone: iOS | Android