My beautiful, intelligent, loquacious older sister turns 30 years young today. As I am six and a half years her junior, I haven’t known her for her entire life—but pretty damn close. Throughout most of these years, I’ve been single; but I’ve spent enough time in relationships to know that the one I have with my sister is stronger than the connection with the potential boyfriends I meet on the subway, on Tinder, and at Whole Foods (does anyone actually meet significant others at Whole Foods?). It’s true that relationships can be wonderful. But boyfriends come and boyfriends go. You know what relationship I believe in? The one I have with my sister. So in honor of my role model, my best friend, and my big sister, here are the top 30 reasons why having a sister is better than having a boyfriend.
- You have an endless supply of embarrassing photos of a sister to post on Instagram on her birthday.
- You can make fun of your parents with a sister. No one outside of the family is allowed to make fun of your parents.
- You can ask a sister “Do I look fat in this?” and actually receive an honest answer.
- You can share a Family Plan with a sister and not worry she’ll dump you and stick you with the phone bill.
- You can go shopping in your sister’s closet and borrow clothes that actually fit. You don’t need a boyfriend to wear boyfriend jeans.
- You never have to worry about who’s going to say “I love you” first with a sister.
- A sister will make sure you approve of the filter she’s chosen on the super adorbs pic of you two day drinking on a rooftop in Brooklyn because you’re just as hip as you are chic before she posts it to Instagram.
- You don’t have to worry about offending a sister’s crazy family because it’s your crazy family.
- A sister won’t be grossed out when you pluck your eyebrows or shave your armpits.
- You can plan a Christmas vacation and a summer house in the Hamptons months in advance without worrying you’ll break up before the time comes and you won’t be able to get your deposit back.
- When you have a sleepover with a sister, you don’t have to be self-conscious about your bathroom breaks.
- A sister will be able to tell you which of the liquor bottles in your parents’ cabinet are safe to raid because they never drink that Triple sec any way.
- You can talk to a sister about your diet while you’re eating French fries and she won’t surreptitiously glance at your love handles thinking that you won’t notice.
- You can have a sister answer the phone and pretend to be you when you don’t want to deal with the person calling.
- You can have a burping contest with a sister without being “that couple.”
- You can finish each other’s sentences without being “that couple.”
- You can do anything you want together and never be “that couple.”
- When you have a sister paint your nails for you she actually knows what she’s doing.
- Making a set of apartment keys for a sister isn’t a momentous milestone that makes you question the entire relationship and where it is or is not going.
- Asking a sister to pick up tampons and chocolate from the store isn’t even a little bit embarrassing.
- A sister will make fun of you for your guilty pleasure book/movie/music/food, but it won’t prevent her from going out with you again.
- If you get in a fight with a sister you can complain to your mother about it without worrying your mom will stop liking you two being together.
- You can eat extremely messy food in front of a sister and not even get self-conscious that you might have something in your teeth.
- You don’t have to explain your awkward childhood phase to a sister. She does have to explain why she let you wear your hair in that terrible cut for so long.
- You can talk about past family pets with a sister without boring her to tears.
- You can introduce a sister to your friends without seeking their approval that you’re not making yet another mistake.
- You can share an Amazon shopping account with a sister without needing to hide your browsing and purchase history.
- A sister will be there for you if you need a no-holds-barred perspective on your life.
- A sister will be there for you if you break up with a boyfriend.
- A sister will be there for you.
Happy birthday, sister!
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