The following article is a guest post, courtesy of Adrienne Shih
Men and women alike often share a common fear of approaching and talking to someone attractive. This can be gruesome because you don’t know how the other person is going to react. Let’s face it: there’s the nervousness involved in being completely vulnerable when walking up to someone you’ve never met before. The next challenge (if you happen to succeed in talking to your dream date) is keeping them captivated by you and your personality.
- Opinion Opener
If you happen to be out shopping or at the grocery store, and you see a very attractive man or woman, you can ask him or her something like this: “Hey, can I get your opinion real quick? I’m shopping for a gift for my sister’s birthday and I want a girl’s opinion on this.” You can basically tailor this approach to any situation you’re in. (Click here to see a gorgeous 55-year old woman use an opinion opener on an unsuspecting guy! )
- Accidental Run-In
Want to know one of the ingredients of a successful meeting between two individuals? Serendipity. If you two happen to meet by happy chance, the thrill of being together and linking up will feel and be “meant-to-be”. An excellent way to create a feeling of serendipity is by “accidentally” bumping into McDreamy at the grocery store. When he starts to apologize, you can say, “I’m so sorry. I’m so clumsy! Just last week I bumped into Shaq and he fell and caused a small earthquake.” From there, he should understand that you are messing around and will start playing along with you (if he’s any fun).
- Have Them At ‘Hello’
Initiating conversation can be as simple as “Hello.” This approach is extremely effective for women as most men will be shocked that a female is randomly talking to them. The key to this direct approach is to make sure your body language is open (no crossed arms), you’re looking him in the eye, smiling, and after you say “Hi,” or “Hey,” you follow it up with a Tease.
For example: “Hey, I just came over here to talk about my feelings.” The key is to share a laugh to build that magical feeling of ‘serendipity’ I talked about above.
- Let Them Hang. On. Your. Every. Word.
I’m sure you’ve seen actors, politicians, and eloquent people who have that special something (think President Obama, Jordan Belfort, Angelina Jolie). Something that makes people drop everything and want to listen when they talk—literally captivating their target audience. They have one thing in common: Value velocity. Value velocity is the use of short, impactful sound bites to build attraction. I usually tell my students to speak for 3 seconds at a time (but no more than 10 seconds). Why 3 seconds? To build suspense and, most of all, to build attraction. Value velocity will stimulate emotions and be more effective than speaking for minutes at a time. (Watch this video and see how to incorporate it into conversation)
TIP: Practice makes perfect!
The only way you are going to get better at talking to men and women is to go out and try it! My challenge for you is to try one of these and make a note of your results. In order to improve, you need to record your successes and learn what you can improve on.
Feel free to tell me your results below and I will personally give you pointers!