If you’re at all aware of your surroundings, you know that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. If you’re at all aware of yourself, you know what your relationship status is. If you know anything about me, you also know mine: single. But contrary to the sticker pictured above that I discovered in a bar bathroom, it’s not because nobody can stand me. In keeping with the spirit of the holiday, I’m celebrating February 14 by declaring the top 14 reasons why I’m single on Valentine’s Day.
- Because I accidentally swiped left on that really cute gingham-shirt-wearing guy with the finance job and witty one-liner on Tinder two months ago.
- Because while I love going on first dates, I don’t like the commitment of second ones. What are we going to spend our time doing? I’m a sloppy eater, we probably don’t like the same music, and I’m a terrible bowler. Don’t you dare ask me to go to the latest work out class.
- It’s the principal of the thing—Valentine’s Day is an arbitrary holiday celebrated to raise chocolate sales and insecurities. Even when I had a boyfriend senior year of college, I refused to go out; we ordered Chinese take-out and watched The Princess Bride, and not because we thought it would be “romantic.”
- Because I live in New York. I trust you’ve heard about the dating scene here.
- Because I’m 23 and why wouldn’t I want to be single when I’m this young? I have my whole life to spend with a partner.
- Because I didn’t need to take BuzzFeed’s “We Know Why You’re Single” quiz to know the answer: I’m having too much fun. You’re flirty, wild, and having the time of your life right now. Who needs to date anyone when you’re having such a blast? You’re having too much of a good time to tie yourself down, so DON’T!
- I’m too self-absorbed. Why would I want to spend time on you and your problems when I barely have enough time for me and my own?
- And speaking of time—I’m busy. When I’m not at work, I’m at happy hour, or the laundromat, or occasionally, the gym. I have friends to get drinks with, roommates to watch TV with, a fridge to stock with yogurt and hummus. There’s simply no room in my schedule for another person.
- Because who needs a boyfriend when they have a sister as awesome as mine?
- Because I dress for myself and guys don’t appreciate my style (including, but not limited to: crop tops, high waisted skirts and pants, flash tattoos).
- Because though I made a handful of new year’s resolutions, none of them concern finding a significant other. And if it’s not on my To-Do list, how am I going to remember to do it?
- The hazy outline I did make of the man I want to meet in 2015 is a little obtuse. On top of that, I have oddly specific, occasionally crazy “rules” about who I date. Such as: must be at least two years older than me; has a stable job in a field with numbers; isn’t from the Midwest. Not to mention my wardrobe requirements.
- I have a strong tendency to only connect with guys when it’s “safe” to do so—meaning when I won’t have to follow through with a real commitment. I.e. when someone from my past makes a brief reappearance, but I know they’ll go back to their own lives after this weekend; when I meet someone who has plans to move across the ocean in a month; when the guy at the bar recently got out of a long-term relationship and is in need of nothing more than two shots and a rebound make out.
- Because I’m happy being single on Valentine’s Day.
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About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.