Things I’m Not Proud Of: Excuses I’ve Used to Get Out of a Date
How do you turn down a date you don’t want to go on? For some reason, society has a problem saying, “I’m just not that into you.” So we all do it: lie to get out of an obligation we don’t want to be obliged to. But no one will believe you have to wash your hair that night. I’m tentative about publicly sharing my go-to excuses—now everyone will know the tricks up my sleeve—but to be fair, half the time I say these things, they’re true! So don’t be too offended the next time I blow you off; there’s at least a 50% chance it’s really not you, it’s me.
What I Say: My roommate is having boyfriend troubles and we’re having a girls’ night in.
What I Mean: We’re having a girls’ night out to meet boys that are cuter than you.
What I Say: I just got out of a relationship and am not ready to date yet.
What I Mean: This is not true, but it’s fool proof—you can’t argue with this without sounding like a complete asshole.
What I Say: I stayed out too late last night and I’m really hungover. Can we reschedule?
What I Mean: I was having more fun with someone else last night than I would have with you tonight.
What I Say: I have to feed the cat.
What I Mean: 1) You can’t blame me for being a responsible pet owner, 2) maybe the fact that I’m a “cat lady” will convince you that you don’t even want to go out with me anyway (although it shouldn’t!).
What I Say: I have to do this thing with my sister. Ya know, family priorities.
What I Mean: Siblings over significant others, what else do I have to say?
What I Say: I have a press event to go to that night.
What I Mean: Either way I’ll get free booze and this way won’t involve me awkwardly kissing you on the cheek at the end.
What I Say: It’s raining. Can we reschedule?
What I Mean: Self-explanatory.
What I Say: My friend is in town and I’m showing them the city.
What I Mean: I probably had one class with this person sophomore year, but now I sound like a gracious host instead of an ungrateful date.
What I Say: I’m getting over a cold.
What I Mean: My nose is too red to be seen in public.
What I Say: I have to work.
What I Mean: When I was a hostess, this was such a valid excuse. Now I’m really grasping at straws because I really don’t want to go out with you.
What I Say: I have a hair appointment.
What I Mean: Blonde girl’s gotta do what blonde girl’s gotta do. I’m not Beyoncé, I don’t wake up looking like this.
What I Say: My friend just got promoted and we’re celebrating that night.
What I Mean: My coworkers and I found a new happy hour special near our office that we’re celebrating.
What I Say: I really have to clean my apartment.
What I Mean: I really have to binge watch Netflix.
What I Say: I’m sorry, I just really don’t see this going anywhere and there are other people, places, and things I’d prefer to spend my time on. No hard feelings. Onto the next one.
What I Mean: Hahahahah, when is anyone ever this honest?
What’s the best/worst excuse you’ve ever used to get out of a date?
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