The Pretentious Bagel
Bagel #2 came as an unfortunate ‘like’ because I felt bad for judging others based off 3 pictures and 50 words. Should have gone with my intuition.
This fatass (me) was only swayed to meet up with Bagel because he suggested one of my favorite restaurants in Downtown LA. I figured at the worst, I would leave full and satisfied from a good meal. The best thing all night was by far the food.
So as to not recant this tale in paragraph form, I will share some highlights that pretty much summed up my night:
- Upon arrival, he asked if I had ever been to that restaurant. I said yes and that I loved the food, then asked if he had been there as well. He replied with: “No, I haven’t, but I’ve heard good things. Though I must admit, I am a food snob, so my standards are quite high. I don’t like what everyone else normally likes. For example, I don’t like the Halal Guys in New York.” Dafuq?! Who doesn’t like the Halal Guys?
- “I should tell you, I’m not feminine, but I have very strong intuition. We’ll see how this restaurant, and you, fare.” Wow. Sorry I didn’t bring my resume. Didn’t know I was on a job interview.
- However, when I did tell him about my career path and what I did after graduating college (nothing crazy special, in my opinion), he says, “Wow! That’s really impressive for a girl like you.” At this point, I think some food came out and I was too interested in eating than I was at asking him what that was supposed to mean.
- When I told him I could never get into Breaking Bad (I know, I’m weird. I gave it 5 episodes and just never got into it. Maybe it just wasn’t my thing), I was met with a shocked: “What?! You have horrible taste in television. Breaking Bad is arguably one of the best-written shows ever created. Wow. We have to change the subject now.” Sorry, bro. Good thing I didn’t tell you I watched KUWTK on a regular basis…would have loved to hear your opinion on that. Not.
- [Unrelated observation] He ate like a mouse and I wound up eating more than he did. If you can’t out-eat me, you can’t have my respect.
- “I have to be honest with you…I used to be a brat when I was a kid. I would be like [begins to pout and cross his arms and shake his head] at everything.” That impression was way too good and natural to be using the past tense in his statement. He obviously makes that face on the regular.
- When the bill came, I insisted to split it because I don’t like it when people pay for me. He allowed my card on the check, but put his hand over it as if he was going to remove my card at the last minute when the waiter came. However, when the waiter came, up went his hand and there remained my card. I have no issue splitting the cost of food, but don’t make a poor show of it. You’re not winning an Oscar anytime soon with that acting…
- As we were walking back to our cars, my bag slipped off my shoulder and hit the ground. By reflex, I apologized and said that I was a clumsy mess. I was met with: “Oh it’s not really your fault. Your shoes aren’t really conducive to walking properly.” Note that my low-heeled booties were just fine and I was walking very normally. I just have slopey shoulders.
When I returned home, convinced I never wanted to talk to him again, I received this friendly text message:
“[My name]. I’m skipping any 3 day rule to be frank. I like you. I’d like to watch Frozen in 3d with you sometime; if you’re interested. Let’s discuss later.” I have to note that Frozen was the one movie we were able to agree was phenomenal.
Thanks, Pretentious Bagel, for validating me. Because you deem me worthy of seeing again, I can now rest easy and feel better about myself. Good riddance.
Want to know about my other date? Perhaps you’ll want to find out about The Stripper Bagel.
About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.
