The Cute, The Classy, And The Crazy: The Ladies Of "The Bachelor"
I don’t know what took me so long to start watching The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. I mean, I write about dating for a living and studied it in college, but I guess I’m just slow on the uptake sometimes. This summer I was unemployed and living with my boyfriend, who was working on construction on his house every day (and I am ill-equipped to help with such things), so during my days of sitting on his porch and doing pretty much nothing Hulu became my best friend and I became mildly obsessed with The Bachelorette. The new season of The Bachelor started a couple weeks ago and I am, once again, hooked.
The first episode of any reality show is always my favorite. As someone who has their BA in social psychology, I find people more fascinating than anything else in the world. How someone chooses to present themselves, how they construct their identity, interact with others, and so on and so forth. I decided to make some use of the hours I have and will continue to waste watching this show, and share my thoughts on each episode. I’m starting off a little late, but I’m gonna start off by sharing my thoughts on each of the first 30 girls and their introductions, but first a bit about the gorgeous farmer boy that has already stolen the hearts of these 30 girls.
Chris was a strong contender on Andi’s season of The Bachelorette this past summer, and a lot of people watching were pretty upset about it. She ended up with some a-hole named Josh (they’ve recently announced their break up). Chris is a farmer boy from Iowa with a swoon-worthy smile and (unlike the last Bachelor, Juan Pablo) actually seems like a genuinely nice guy, but maybe I should hold my tongue until we get a bit further into the season.
For those of you who might not watch The Bachelor/ette series, a) you should and b) the premise of the first episode is that the girls arrive at the mansion one by one and have about a minute to introduce themselves to Chris (and thus to the viewing audience). They wear ridiculous ball gowns and all look like a million bucks. It’s endlessly entertaining. These girls range from completely insane, to girls that I kind of want to be friends with. Ladies and Gentlemen, the ladies of The Bachelor, season 19.
Britt was the first girl to step out of the limos. A gorgeous brunette in a killer dress, but I wasn’t a huge fan of her at first. When she introduced herself, she hugged him for 20 seconds too long that it made me uncomfortable, and before she walked inside she handed him a note and said “come find me inside and I’ll explain.” The note said “Good for a free hug.” Uh, what further explanation does that need? She would have been a Nay, but when they had some one on one time later she seemed really sweet and you could tell there was a real connection between the two of them, which was proven when there was VERY palpable moment where they almost kissed. She ended up getting the first impression rose and then that kiss finally happened. Double Yay.
Whitney, a blonde girl from the south told Chris that she has watched the show since she was a little girl but “she was only there because he was the bachelor.” Seems kind of fishy to me. Nay.
I liked Kelsey, I didn’t love her dress, but hey, to each their own. She was polite and graceful and was just over all a class act. When she told Chris “I’m just a regular girl” I genuinely believed her. Yay.
Megan was cute. Instead of a boring “How are you?” she asked Chris “How do you feel?” Which, as someone who loves feelings (most of the time), I thought was a really nice and genuine thing to ask someone who is clearly experiencing an evening that has got to make him feel some type of way. Yay.
I have mixed feelings about Ashley I. She kind of reminded me of myself in that she got out of the limo and her dress was eh, but it was long and tight so she was having trouble walking. I dug that she made note of it and joked, “it might take a while to get to you in this dress,” but I also don’t understand girls who wear uncomfortable clothing for the sake of looking good. So, Eh.
Trina, who kind of looks like Elizabeth Hasselbeck from The View, was fine. Aside from her high-pitched voice, I didn’t really get any memorable impression of her which makes me think she might just be a boring person, and boring people are the worst. Nay.
Okay, so I thought I was going to like Reegan because I have a theory that people with cool names are usually pretty cool people all around. That was not the case here. Reegan got out of her limo with a cooler that had bio-hazardous stickers on it and introduced herself by telling Chris that she “sells human flesh” for a living. Um, what? She opened the cooler to reveal a human heart. After Chris just looked wildy uncomfortable and confused until she laughed and said “it’s not real, it’s just a joke.” It was super awkward and odd. Nay.
I think Tara and I might be the same person. She stepped out of the limo wearing daisy dukes, a flannel shirt and cowboy boots, just totally owning it. She told Chris “I didn’t wear a ball gown because this is who I am” which I loved, and when she got inside, all judging eyes on her, she asked for a Jameson on the rocks – a girl after my own heart. She proceeded to change into a dress, and sneak back into a limo. Yeah, kind of crazy, but I totally understand why she did it. Chris got some serious points when he recognized her almost immediately and said “You’re back!” Later in the evening she did get totally hammered and made a total fool out of herself, but I have a lot of empathy for that kind of situation so, Yay!
Amber was a little awkward. I’m all about teddy bears (I took mine on a family trip to Peru and brought him everywhere not even six months ago…) but I’m not sure what Amber was trying to portray about herself by bringing hers with her to meet him. As I’ve said, to each their own, just not my cup of tea. Nay.
Speaking of Peru, Nikki had just flown to the mansion directly from Peru. We didn’t get to see much her though because the camera was focusing on Tara, round two. I’ll give her the benefit of doubt because Peru was cool. Yay.
Next we have Amanda, who instead of getting out of the limo, had the limo driver give Chris a letter telling him to close his eyes. She then got out and told him she was going to be his secret admirer and went inside. I can dig it but Chris didn’t really seem to. Eh.
Jillian clearly lifts weights, like, she has arms that rival Michelle Obama’s. Chris noticed them too and commented on how “hard” they were and she laughed at its innuendo. I like a girl who can make sex jokes within 30 seconds of meeting a guy. Yay.
MacKenzie is awkward in an endearing way. Her introduction wasn’t anything noteworthy, pretty standard but her awkwardness was cute and sincere so I’ll give her a Yay.
You know how in the Blank Space music video Taylor Swift has crazy eyes? Ashley has crazy eyes. However, I loved her dress and she has a nice speaking voice. She brought Chris a lucky penny and asked if she could put it in his shoe — some kind of tradition I guess. I’m cool with weird traditions so I decided to give her a shot, but later in the night it became clear that she is bat shit insane. That, or she was one some kind of crazy drug. Nay.
Kaitlyn is gorgeous, but I can’t decide how I feel about her. I really liked that she told him off the bat that she didn’t really know anything about him, but then she told farmer boy Chris that he could “plow the f*** out of her field any day” which was followed by a long awkward silence. I kind of have mad respect for her confidence and ability to be upfront, but it was just a little alarming. She redeemed herself by wiping a piece of glitter off his face and jokingly saying “who is she?!” Yay.
Samantha was pretty, but also pretty boring. I really have nothing to say except that she totally rocked her white dress but that wasn’t quite enough for me. Nay.
When Chris told Michelle she was gorgeous, she called him a babe and I love that expression, so she won me over there. She also had a pretty pink floor length dress on that I wouldn’t be caught dead in, but it suited her. Yay.
I mentioned earlier that I’m a fan of unique names, but, and no disrespect to her parents, “Juelia” is just an annoying way to spell Julia — not that she had any say in the matter. We didn’t see much of her introduction so I don’t have much to say. Eh.
Becca had an amazing dress on. So amazing that even Chris commented on it. We didn’t see much more of her either but having that good of taste in clothing is a win in my book. Yay.
Tandra casually rolled in on a motorcycle, which I thought was fun. Like Tara and Kaitlyn, I have lots of respect for someone who owns who they are. Her dress, though a little long for my taste, was really classy, and something about her general disposition was likable. Yay.
Alissa was super cute in a Jessica Rabbit-esque dress that she totally rocked. She also has a great voice (I have a weird thing about people’s voices, I don’t know why). She’s a flight attendant and she brought Chris a seat belt, for “the bumpy ride ahead,” which I thought was adorable. She also kind of reminded me of Andi from last season and I loved Andi (until she picked the wrong guy) so, Yay.
Okay, so Jordan is the shit. She brought two mini bottles of whiskey which they threw back after they introduced themselves. I love whiskey so I love Jordan. Yay.
Nicole is definitely going home tonight. She got out of the limo with a costume pig nose strapped around her face and some bad joke about “hamming it up.” I’m sorry but did she actually think that was a good idea? I’m all for weirdos and doing you but this is national television and it seemed like more of a cry for attention than anything else. Nayyyyy.
Brittany. Okay girlfriend, what are you wearing? As one of the other girls commented to the camera, “Her outfit is… quite an interesting choice.” A mostly see-through and white “dress” is just notttt what I would have chosen for this occasion. I’m pretty sure Brittany and I would not get along if we met. Nay.
Carly is the girl that the producers obviously only chose because she would make for good television. When she got out of the limo in a pink cupcake dress and a pink karaoke machine I was done. Yeah, okay, you’re a cruise ship singer but introducing yourself in a song was not necessary. Nay.
Tracy is a friggin’ cutie pie. She’s a fourth grade teacher and brought a very funny note from one of her students. Also, Tracy, can I have your dress? Yay.
Next, we very briefly met Bo and Kimberly but really only saw their faces and heard their names. They were both gorgeous of course, but I have nothing more. I assume they’re both going home or we probably would have seen more of them. Nay
Kara told Chris that she thinks they would make “the cutest babies” within 30 seconds of meeting him. Too much. Nay.
Jade, the last girl to arrive, is beautiful and had a great dress on. She had the whole “confident but still kind of shy” thing going on and it worked for her, so, Yay.
As expected, there were a handful of crazies, a handful of cuties and a whole heck of a lot of beautiful women. So who didn’t get a rose? Michelle, Kara, Bo, Brittany, Nicole, Amanda, Reegan and Kimberly (sort of). After not getting a rose, Kimberly went back into the mansion and straight up asked Chris for a second chance. He decided to let her stay, which is admirable of him and very brave of her, but not something I would have done.
I was totally baffled that Ashley got a rose but there’s no way she’s sticking around for much longer. I legitimately think she might have been on drugs. But, hey! Only 1 of the 8 girls who didn’t get roses were Nay’s in my book so I’d say I’m off to a pretty decent start.
My initial prediction of who’s going to make it all the way to the final rose ceremony? Britt and Tara (Britt to take the cake), but who knows what’s to come? Stay tuned.
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