We can’t stop talking about our October 11th event, when special guests Nev Schulman and Laura Perlongo from MTV’s “Catfish” MC’d one of our CMB Experiences: The Gathering. As a refresher, The Gathering is a series of intimate CMBxSofar concerts in NYC centered on meaningful dating and relationship stories.

The topic of the night?
Dating as self-discovery. 

“It was all of our past relationships and what we’ve learned from them that allowed us to very quickly fall in love with each other,” Nev said at the event.
Between live music artists, Nev and Laura even made special appearances on our Instagram Story, where they answered dating-related questions from our fans. One Instagram fan asked how to stay positive after a relationship doesn’t work out.

“Even if this relationship didn’t work out, you learn something from it,” Nev said. “You know probably better now what you don’t want from your next relationship. You learn, and you grow.”

We were kind of obsessed with Nev and Laura’s insight into dating as self-discovery, so we followed up with the duo via email after the show to ask more.

After Hours Q + A

Q –
How have your relationships in general helped you grow as a person?
A –
Laura: Seeing yourself through other people’s eyes is always a good thing. I’ve seen different sides of myself shine in different relationships and identified which parts of myself serve me best.
Nev: Like a forest fire, when things burn down, as painful as it may be, it clears the way for new growth. Early relationships taught me the importance of honesty and fidelity. Later, relationships taught me about confidence and compatibility. Most recently, I’ve learned about patience and compromise.
Q –
(For Laura) What were some learnings from past relationships that led you to your relationship with Nev?

A –
Laura: If it’s not a good fit or timing is off, you can feel it in your core. Not to say it’s always perfect, but when you’re both ready for a real relationship, it’s very obvious. I learned that having similar goals and priorities (in my case adventure, family, and being open to change) are really important in choosing a life partner.  
Q –
Dating can be hard. How can people stay positive and hopeful even when things don’t work out?

A –
Laura: Just remembering that there is no such thing as a failed experience. It’s an oxymoron. An experience you choose (i.e., to go on a date) is always worthwhile. No matter if it ends after one drink or turns into a long relationship, meeting people always teaches you something about yourself and/or helps someone else grow.
Nev: Don’t get discouraged. Knowledge of the person you DON’T want to be with is just as important as knowing the person you DO want to be with.
Q –
In the media, finding “the one” is generally depicted as the ultimate achievement. Any tips to help people filter out all that pressure throughout their dating journey?
A –
Laura: I think “the one” is simply time and place. When you find someone with the same commitment to love as you, you’ll know. Until then, don’t sweat it. Take it as an exciting time of exploration. In fact, once you DO find “the one” you might even miss all the random adventures you had when you were dating.

Nev: Every relationship has an expiration date. So, you should just be worried about finding the one you makes you happy NOW. Actual NOW happy. Not “future” happy.

Q –
“Cuffing season” is upon us. How do you think people can make sure they’re “cuffing” for the right reasons?
A–
Laura: Cuffing season is really about body heat and laziness. Make sure you have a warm coat. Very warm. And if you have a very warm coat and still want to see the person you’re dating, then you’re probably good.
For more dating and relationship advice from Nev and Laura, check out their Facebook Watch series with Attn, “We Need To Talk.”
About The Gathering and Coffee Meets Bagel Experiences
The Gathering is part of CMB Experiences – real-world events in real-world spaces, where people can unplug and practice being present. Together. We started Coffee Meets Bagel Experiences because we don’t think meaningful connections should be limited to the online world.
In fact, while the CMB journey starts out online, the most important connections are made face-to-face. Check out other exciting CMB Experiences we’ve put together, like the Run Date Festival and Camp Meets Bagel.

Don’t forget to follow us on Instagram and Twitter to learn more about upcoming CMB Experiences.