CMB Year in Review: Farewell 2017, Hello 2018!

Happy New Year, Bagels! We hope you rang in the New Year in style (…and maybe even with a Bagel…), but before we get ahead of ourselves let’s bid one last farewell to 2017 by looking back at what happened on CMB!
We crunched some numbers to find out which cities took the crown for most LIKED to most ACTIVE in 2017, and here’s what we found:
CMB 2017: United States
We also took an even closer look at some of our top cities in the US! Find out how many introductions were made and messages sent in each city here:
San Francisco | New York | Los Angeles | Boston | Washington D.C. | Chicago
Cheers, Bagels! Let’s make 2018 a year to remember ;)

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After 330 Bagels, 57 Matches, 27 Dates, I Finally Found The One

~ A Reflection On A Year Of Bagels ~

After eleven straight months on Coffee Meets Bagel, I’m happy to announce that I’ve just deactivated my account because I met a Bagel who puts every other Bagels to shame. This was a big step for me, because after almost a year of fishing in what felt like every ocean in the goddamn world, I made the conscious decision to make the journey back to dry land and hang up my fishing rod. For the time being, at least.

I’d like to have this post serve as a reflection on my last (almost) year on CMB. Eleven months on CMB means that I have said yes or no to at least 330 eligible men in Los Angeles. Some days were more carb-heavy than others, but I think 330 is a fair estimate. To put that number into perspective, I compared it to my social media stats. I’m honestly not even sure I have 330 Facebook friends. I barely have more than 330 Instagram posts. I definitely do not follow more than 330 people on Twitter. Coffee Meets Bagel has arguably been the only app I have actively used every single day for the last year. Yikes.
For any of you who do know me, you’ll know that I need a first & last name in all phone entries. If I don’t have access to your last name, your last name in my phone is bound to be where or how I met you. Rightly so, each Bagel I’ve ever exchanged numbers with has the last name of “Bagel” in my address book. In writing this post, I searched my address book with “Bagel” and came up with a grand total of 53 entries. Some had the same name (there were a lot of Johnny Bagels and Jason Bagels), but trust me – each entry, like a snowflake, was unique. Could I tell you what conversation I had with each Bagel? Absolutely not. Will some be forever seared into my memory? Hell yes. 53 Bagel entries means that I connected and exchanged numbers with 16% of the bagels I ever received. Can someone tell me if that’s a good or bad batting average?
Out of the 53 Bagels in my phone, I have gone on 22 bagel dates. Say it with me – oy. I don’t need to tell anyone out there how easy it is to go from having a harmless chat one day to never talking to that person ever again. Life gets in the way – people are working, they have other priorities – honestly, why would anyone prioritize getting to know someone they happened to meet online when there are so many other things to do? I truly believe that for each conversation to result in a date, both parties either have to be really into the other person (rarely the case) or they have to be bored enough to agree to a date. In my last year of dating, I can truthfully say that I have never moved anything around to accommodate a first bagel date, and I’ve actually cancelled a lot of them because I got tied up at work and couldn’t commit to a raincheck. That being said, however, I believe I will never know if I like someone until I actually go out and meet him. But, that also means that I averaged 2 dates with strangers per month.
Now here’s where things start to dwindle down. After going out on 22 bagel dates, I have only seen 4 bagels more than once. I’ve written entries about all of these bagels (except the latest one), so I won’t go into details, but they all dwindled away because there was no real connection and I could never justify making time to see them. And that’s the thing that I’ve always struggled with: finding someone that I genuinely wanted to prioritize in my life. When you’re balancing friends, family, and a demanding full-time job, you really have to like the person to fit him into your schedule. So, I’m considering it a freaking miracle that I met someone I actually enjoy scheduling into my life.
Needless to say, I think my last year of CMB has taught me that maybe the guys do have it right – maybe online dating really is a numbers game. I had to go through over three hundred bagels to find one that I liked enough to give a relationship a real shot. After countless of bagels, many awkward run-ins around town, awkward conversations, and even more awkward dates, it’s good to know that there is some light at the end of the tunnel. Even if it did take eleven months.

 


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About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a dating app designed with women in mind. Founded by 3 sisters in 2012 in NYC, CMB aims to deliver a fun, safe, and quality dating experience that results in meaningful relationships.

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That Awkward Moment…When You Pay For Your Date

~ The No-Dough Bagel ~
I connected with No-Dough Bagel a few weeks ago and after several back and forth messages, we decided to meet up for lunch one weekend. We picked a place, but when we arrived, the line was too long and we were too hungry. So, we opted for a faster option that happened to be cash only. Assuming that No-Dough Bagel was literate enough to read the 10 CASH ONLY signs posted around the restaurant, I didn’t bother warning him. Also, I didn’t want to bring up anything regarding paying for the meal because I didn’t want him to think that I expected him to pay.
Raised to be incredibly independent, I don’t normally like it when dates pay for me; in fact, I always offer and sometimes insist. Contrary to many men and women telling me that it’s typical for the man to pay for the date, I just can’t let it slide. Regardless, when the check came, No-Dough Bagel reached for his wallet, took out a credit card, and firmly placed it on the bill, insisting that he get the lunch.
Sadly, I had to inform him that it was cash only and continued to reach for my own wallet. To my expected dismay, a look of fear came over No-Dough Bagel’s face as he informed me that he literally had no cash (this was further proven when he showed me his billfold with no bills). I nonchalantly said that it wasn’t a problem, that I could get it, and that I didn’t want to make it a big deal. He obviously felt embarrassed, but kept talking about it and wouldn’t let it go, which made me feel even more awkward for having to pay for him. However, let it be known that he did not even offer to run to an ATM (conveniently located inside this cash-only restaurant). Weird? Sure. Did I just want to get out of there at that point? Yes.
He walked me back to my car, talking about how awkward it was, and when we departed, we said the typical, “We should do this again!” and it was even followed up by subsequent texts about how he will get the next meal since I got this one. I kindly agreed and kept reassuring him that it wasn’t an issue. After I sat down in my car, I texted my friend, “That awkward moment when you pay for your bagel date because he has no cash…” and strangely enough, received a text that said, “OMG THAT HAPPENED TO ME TOO!”
And this brings me to the point of this post. I’ve now heard a few stories from different friends about similar situations and all I can say is that I am shocked at how often this happens! Isn’t it just common sense to always have at least $20 in cash on you just in case of emergencies? I know we live in a virtually cashless society, but I always have some rainy day cash in my wallet and let me tell you – it is definitely enough to cover my half of a meal if need be. I’m not saying carry enough to pay for an entire date, but everyone should be able to produce some cash – especially when they are going out to a meal. Moral of this story is that the Boy Scouts knew what was up – always be prepared – and they’re probably going to be the bagels that wind up with girlfriends.
~ Read more of my Bagel Stories here!


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About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

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Story From A Member: When You Can't Get Away Fast Enough

~ The Chef Bagel ~
It’s been quite a while since I’ve blogged about my fabulous dating adventures because my life got in the way of my dating momentum. However, here’s a gem for you, girls and boys!

I liked this man on CMB because he was attractive and his profile led me to believe that he was a chef. In fact, he himself referred to himself as “the chef from CMB”. For a girl who loves food, this fact was incredibly appealing. A man who can always feed me? What more can anyone want? We connected and his opening line was, “You’re so cute! Let’s get a drink!” and on a whim, I blindly accepted. We hastily exchanged numbers and set up a time and a place.
He suggested a bar in Culver City because he was friends with the bartender. I agreed and said that I’d be going straight from work. He said that it was fine and that he’d be coming from work too. We met at 8 PM and I was famished after a long twelve hour work day. Upon meeting up, I immediately asked if he had eaten already (obviously hinting that I wanted to get some food going before I get too drunk) and he said that he had previously eaten, so he was full and that we should concentrate on drinking. He did not ask me if I had eaten or if I wanted to get some food. What kind of self-proclaimed Chef doesn’t care about the state of their companion’s stomach – especially at a prime eating hour like 8 PM?! I manned up and grabbed a drink, hoping that his charming personality and intriguing conversation would suppress my hunger. Sadly, that was not the case.
Let’s rewind a bit. Chef Bagel actually referred to himself as a Chef [BAGEL]. Logically, I asked if he went to culinary school. He said no. Strangely enough, his reasoning for being a chef boiled down to his spending a few months studying abroad in Italy back in college and learning how to cook from an Italian nonna, if you will. She taught him how to make a lot of pasta and various other delicious Italian foods. Thus, he is now a chef. I grew up helping my mom cook for the first 17 years of my life. Do I get to call myself a chef?
Without giving too much away about this bagel, let’s just say that he does not work in a restaurant, nor should he really be calling himself a chef. At least not with a capital C. Maybe only if it’s used in the ironic way.
Sadly, in the two hours I spent with him, he did not ask me one single question about the kinds of things I liked to do, where I was from, or really anything else about me. He did, however, tell me many stories that were the epitome of the #humblebrag and was sadly met with an unenthusiastic look on my face.
All of these notes could have been small bumps in the road that could have been overlooked, but here comes the kicker. He started to tell me that I had “Asian sarcasm” (is that even a thing?) and then he asked me “what I was”. This is one of the questions I hate being asked the most. Why does it matter what ethnicity I am? And if you can’t even ask that in a direct question, maybe you shouldn’t be asking it at all. After telling him that I was Chinese, he proceeded to immediately tell me that he cooks Asian-themed food in the cooking classes he teaches. Before I could stop myself, I had to ask what exactly he cooked. The Oriental Menu From The Far East Included: sushi, chicken teriyaki, egg rolls, orange chicken, and beef & broccoli. Awesome. It’s a combination of the Sarku Japan and Panda Express you find at the local mall. That’s totally traditional. When I swallowed down a scoff, he then proceeded to tell me how to properly and traditionally cook orange chicken. But don’t worry, he learned how to make this from the internet.
To top things off, he told me that his ideal woman would stay at home and cook for him. That’s funny, because my ideal man would stay at home and cook for me. Does that make things awkward…?

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About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

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SCSB, Spinster For Life

I’m taking a slightly different approach to my normal blogs about dating horror stories to take some time to reflect on a trend I actually see a lot of my friends going through (including myself). I won’t get too deep, so just follow me on this thought process.
In order to provide context to what I’m about to say, I think I should provide some background. I recently turned 25 years old and have been officially single since January of this year. 8 months now marks the longest time I’ve ever been single since I was a junior in high school. Is this sad or is this liberating? I’m not exactly sure. I have unfortunately made enough bad decisions in my dating life to be known as the girl who can never be alone. We all have that friend, and I, unfortunately, was that friend for a long time. But now that I’ve embarked on the long voyage to the place that is my single life, I’m realizing that I have some basic standards that I’m just not willing to compromise. I’ve learned enough about myself during this time to be fully comfortable with my independence and actually revel in it more often than not. And most importantly, I’ve learned to put myself first.
This isn’t meant to be a post written in support of the single life, because I’m obviously still on the Bagels, going on dates, and not finding the one that I want to see more than once; at the same time, it’s not a post written in support of dating the world until you find someone who wants to see you more than once. It’s instead a post about trying to be as true to yourself as you can, and trusting in the fact that if it’s right, it will work out. This post is meant to uplift those of you who are like me, and sometimes struggle with wondering what exactly it is that you want and how you’re going to get it.
Throughout my own process of finding myself, I’ve had many talks with many single girl and guy friends, and all of us have come to the conclusion that it’s okay to not really know what you want from a relationship off the bat, but it’s not okay to not know what you want from yourself and your own life. A wise friend told me that she’ll be ready to date when she’s at a good spot in her life and knows who she is. I admire her courage to say that and agree that getting into a relationship when you’re finding yourself may not, in fact, be the best way to find yourself. We all struggle with putting ourselves out there. After my first few failed dates on CMB, I will even admit that my willingness to go on another one waned a bit and the idea of staying home in my sweatpants seemed more appealing (it doesn’t hurt that I have some really great pairs of sweatpants). We all know friends who take dating a bit too seriously, putting a lot of imaginary weight on a guy they have never met in person, and then feeling the disappointment when he’s not what she expected. I like to live by the ‘don’t put all your eggs in one basket’ rule, coupled by the ‘one egg for every egg he puts in’ theorem. That way, you don’t lose anything that you don’t invest, and you only invest when you know he (or she) is investing back in you. We all need a bit of a reality check sometimes, right?
I’ve always been the type of person who puts her job first before her personal life, to many of my exes’s dismay. My ambition to achieve personal goals has always been a big part of my personality and guys who don’t respect and, dare I say, like that part of me, don’t last very long. So after a few failed relationships, I realized that I need an equally independent counterpart who works more than I do so I don’t feel guilty when I tell him I can’t meet up for dinner until after 8 PM. My time as a single girl has allowed me to be more comfortable in doing what I really want to be doing and doing the things that are most important to me. I can be alone when I want to be alone, see the people who really matter to me, and focus on trying things that make me happy. Do I sometimes look at couples walking down the street and wish for something like that? Sure, but I also know that if it’s not the right guy, I’m not going to be happy even if I do have that. I also know that when I do find the right guy, giving up small things here and there won’t feel like I’m giving anything up.
I suppose what I’ve been getting at this entire post is that it’s okay to say no to somebody if there’s no connection. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t give people a shot, because you only know if there’s a connection if you give it an honestly try. However, we should all stay true to ourselves and trust that things will work out, because we’re ultimately looking for the same thing – to be happy by yourself and to find someone who makes you even happier.
There’s that, or you stay in sweatpants all day and get a bunch of cats.
XOXO,
SCSB

What to Do When Your Boyfriend is Still Online Dating

What to Do When Your Boyfriend is Still Online Dating

When you meet someone online and you start spending more and more time together, the last thing you’re thinking about is your online dating profile, let alone updating or deleting it. After all, you don’t want to jinx the relationship before it even has a chance to start. In the meanwhile, you might still get those email alerts when a new match has arrived. Most of the time, you ignore them because you’ve been seeing this new romantic interest pretty regularly. Other times, you get hit with a case of FOMO, or fear of missing out, and you take a gander at all the men or women you could be dating instead. Every now and then, you come across the online dating profile of someone you know, but when that someone you know happens to be someone you’re supposed to be in a relationship with, you can’t help but start questioning the validity of that relationship. It’s a dilemma that’s more common than you think when online dating turns into an offline relationship. The funny thing about being in a relationship when you’ve been single for so long is that you go into it having all these preconceived ideas on how you would react to certain dating situations, and you prejudge your future relationships based on your past ones. But when those unique dating situations suddenly become your present reality, you still feel like a deer caught in headlights no matter how many books about polyamory or open relationships you may have read.

man sitting on toilet with laptopStep 1: Acknowledge the issue.

I’ve been dating a guy I met online for almost six months, but he won’t delete his online dating profile. Given how much time we spend together, it’s really difficult for me to make a case against him keeping his online dating profile up if his ridiculousness of a truth is, in fact, a truth at all. He says he likes to read other people’s profile summaries for entertainment purposes while taking a crap on the toilet. Bull crap. I don’t buy it for a second, but in the spirit of trusting him, I went along with it anyway despite my own common sense. We’ve got a good thing going. Why mess it up with my own emotional hangups and insecurities?

Step 2: Admit defeat and cut your losses.

If any other girl came to me with the same dilemma, I’d tell her the exact same thing dating expert Evan Marc Katz would say. He’s not that into you if he’s still looking at other women online. It’s not that he doesn’t want to keep spending time with you, it just means that he wants to keep his options open until someone he’s more into comes along. You’re Miss Right Now, not Mrs. Right. Katz makes a great point in one of his blog posts about this very dating dilemma online. A man doesn’t use online dating for anything other than it’s intended purpose – to meet new women. Here’s how Katz breaks it down in layman’s terms: “I don’t go to Amazon to browse books. I go there to buy. I don’t go to the gym to not work out. I go there to swim. There is simply no viable, reasonable, acceptable response he can make – even if, somehow, he has not met ANY new women since “committing” to you,” argues Katz. The dating expert goes on to say that while there is constant temptation to always be trading up, “the whole point of dating – for most of us, anyway – is to find one person that makes you want to quit altogether.” I honestly thought I had found that person, especially when he finally agreed to delete his online dating profile. “You’re my girl, and I love you. 10 minutes of weekly entertainment isn’t worth losing endless hours of entertainment from you,” he said. But then he did a complete 360 less than 24 hours later.

Step 3: Talk about it.

“We need to talk.” Four words no man or woman ever wants to hear at any point during their relationship. Nothing amazing has ever come out of those four words. My heart sank as the truth I had already known finally started to come out. Katz was right. A man can frame it any way he likes, but the simple truth is that a man doesn’t keep his dating profile up unless he wants to keep his options open. He wants to have the best of both worlds — that of being single, and that of being in a relationship — which now leaves us at the point of either breaking up or renegotiating the terms of our relationship. I think we can both agree that no two relationships are alike, and that being in a relationship doesn’t have to mean the same thing it means for most people, especially the kind of people who believe in marriage. A relationship can be whatever two people decide it to be, at least that’s my belief. We both care really care about each other and want to stay in each other’s life. The issue now is figuring out how and in what capacity.

Step 4: Be willing to walk away.

The toughest part about being in a relationship is knowing when to call it quits, especially when it’s not something you really want. Instead, it’s something you think has to be done as a courtesy and out of respect for that person when you know you’re going to eventually mess up. Breaking up is the easy solution when you’re operating under the guise of a traditional relationship, but there’s no such thing as traditional when it comes to online dating. In an idealistic world, you’d be able to have your cake and eat it too. But then again, so would your partner. It’s only fair. At the end of the day, you can’t really make someone be with you if they don’t really want to be with you. All you can really do is let him or her go in peace, and hope that maybe one day soon, he or she will realize before it’s too late what a truly great catch you really are. I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a dating app designed with women in mind. Founded by 3 sisters in 2012 in NYC, CMB aims to deliver a fun, safe, and quality dating experience that results in meaningful relationships.

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Story From A Member: How Many Dates Does It Take To Get A Kiss?

~ The Blue Balls Bagel ~
This could be one of the most perplexing bagel stories I have ever told. Mainly because it’s been almost a month since it happened and I’m still wondering how I went on four dates and the most I ever got was an unenthusiastic side hug from this Bagel. While the owl asked, “How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?”, I am now asking, “How many dates does it take to get a kiss?”

Backing up to the beginning, he was a very normal guy (they always are). The only thing that struck me as a bit weird was that he lived with 3 girls and seemed a little bit feminine. We used the same lip balm (and I don’t mean chap stick..I mean we both used the EOS lip balm that looks like a ball). But I was willing to overlook that part because he was so nice and I was curious to find out more.

Our first date was dinner. We ate, talked, and I wound up walking him to his car because I walked to the restaurant. Our second date was dessert. I greeted him and went in for the hug, but it was met with a sidestep into a half-assed side hug. Either way, I didn’t let it shake me. We walked around the neighborhood while we talked. Yet again, I wound up walking him back to his car because he happened to park closer than I did. We said goodbye and I was just met with another hug. At that point, I was pretty sure he didn’t like me.

As I had started to let this bagel go stale, I got a lot of text messages and appropriate Snapchats from him, to which I responded in equal enthusiasm out of courtesy. Eventually, he asked if I was free because “he had a surprise for me”.

What was this surprise date, you ask? He picked me up from my house, after showing up 15 minutes late because he fell asleep, on a Sunday evening and told me we were going to a cooking class! This is actually one of the cooler dates I’ve ever been on because I have never gone to a cooking class and have always wanted to try one. We were joking around during the class and made some pretty impressive food, if I do say so myself. The class ended around 8:30 and I assumed we were going to keep the night going until he said, “OK I’ll take you home now.”  At this point, I’m so confused. Do I smell bad? Did I make offensive jokes?

In the car, I even went so far to ask if he had anything planned for the rest of the night [hint hint]. He said no and that he was planning on making his lunches for the rest of the week. Oh. That sounds super important. When we arrived at my place, I said thank you and gave him a hug, and, to my own mortification, lingered in the car until it was clear that nothing was going to happen. 3 dates and we are still at hugs.

At this point, I’m convinced he’s either gay or he just wants a friend. Why would he keep asking me to hang out if he found me repulsive? Even my friends had to say “maybe he’s just not that into you”. I became a less-psycho version of Maggie Gyllenhaal only slightly worse off because I couldn’t even get this guy to kiss me! Not even a small kiss on the forehead or a peck on the cheek.

Fast forward a couple days later, he asked me if I had plans the upcoming weekend, to which I said no. He basically invited himself over to my place to watch a movie and suggested we cook dinner. If that doesn’t say “first base”, I don’t know what does!

And here is where everything seemed to go wrong. He sent me a recipe knowing that I was home working, and suggested that I go out and pick up the ingredients, even though he is passing 3 grocery stores from his house to mine. But he planned the cooking class the week before, so I kind of owed him. I happily went to the store and told him to come around 7, to which he said, “Cool see you then”. 7 became 7:30 and I didn’t hear from him. At 7:35, he told me he was outside and when I opened up the front door for him, I don’t get a hug, I don’t get a hello, but I got a, “your place looks weird”. Oh. Thank you, captain obvious. You’re 35 minutes late. How about a “sorry I’m a bit late”?

I overlooked the unusual exchange and change the subject. We began to cook some dinner and I realized he is horrible in the kitchen. He was dropping food everywhere and I was making mental notes about which spots I would have to clean afterwards. As I cooked the meal, I suggested he pour some wine instead of wielding a knife and handed him two glasses. He poured a glass, then, as my hands were full with a pan of pasta and a couple plates, he handed me the bottle as he drank from the glass he just poured. Good thing I have a mutant third hand coming out of my sternum that could take this bottle of wine and pour myself a glass.

We ate dinner and he seemed happy. I popped in the movie and we sat next to each other on the couch. He grabbed the life-size Ted in my living room and then hugged Ted for the entire length of the movie. I was doing everything possible – leaning in, shifting closer, playful arm touching; what am I left with? Nothing. By the end of the movie, Ted got more action than I did. Bastard.

I was convinced the night was lost and there was no point in even trying. The movie was over, it was 1 am, and I wanted to go to bed by myself. But he didn’t want to leave and suggested we watch some TV. Oh, could it be that he was waiting for the movie to end before he made his move? Nope. Because he just took Ted back into his arms and spooned him all over again. He finally left at 2:30 AM, after much of my obvious yawning, and as I walked him out, he went in for the not-so-sexy, yet sadly expected side hug and said we should do it again soon.
Guys, there is such a thing as being too forward and there is also such a thing as playing hard-to-get too much, but please try to read the signs and find a happy medium. No one should have a Blue Balls Bagel.
If you want another sad story, read about the Stripper Bagel.
About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.
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Story From A Member: Too Many Feels, Not Enough Time

~ The Feels Bagel ~

This is the story of a bagel who needs to make like Elsa and just let it go. (It’s fitting, I promise, but I also did just want to use this gif).

Let me rewind and say that I connected with Feels Bagel on a whim because he looked like a nice guy, wasn’t younger than I was (which has been a recent problem), and was a programmer. We chatted for a bit about how we both had to work during the Super Bowl to make sure our campaigns ran correctly, then decided to meet up for a post-game dinner.

He was really nice, seemed a little too enthusiastic, which made me think he was slightly left of straight, but we discussed our jobs, our families, the normal stuff. Then out of the blue, he said, “So my last relationship was May 2011,” and proceeded to tell me all about it. Over the next 15 minutes, I fought his fights and I cried his tears. After feeling emotionally drained from the Sparknotes of his last relationship, I was asked the following question: “When was your last relationship?” Before I could respond with an answer, my sarcasm got the best of me. “Sorry, I forgot to circle the date of my last break up on my mental calendar.” Woops.

Quickly trying to recover, I bit my tongue and used more brain cells trying to muster an accurate date than I had used all day. I told him a ballpark guesstimate of a year and he then asked what went wrong. Is it just me, or is this conversation getting a little heavy for someone I met 30 minutes ago? I literally met him an episode of How I Met Your Mother ago, and he’s asking me Mosby questions. Doing my best to dodge this inquisition, he wound up telling me about what happened in all of his past relationships and what he’s been doing since then.

When I finally thought I was free, I get this: “How many times have you said ‘I love you’?” Dude…are you for real? I once again gave him a general number, feeling incredibly uncomfortable as a girl who does not like to feel the feels, let alone talk about the feels. I deflect in the only way I know best, and he leaps in and tells me about how he’s only said the “L word” to one girl who happened to never be his girlfriend. Once again, he told me all the details of this fleeting relationship and I didn’t really know what to say, so I smiled and nodded and kept on eating.

I’m sure there’s someone out there who can love Feels Bagel, wipe away his tears, and big-spoon him into comfort. I, however, am not that person.

Read more about my other Bagel Adventures!!

If you enjoyed this post, perhaps you’ll want to read SCSB’s Island of Lost Bagels.
About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.
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SCSB's Island of Lost Bagels

I wanted to take a quick break in bagel stories to reflect upon some of my best Bagel interactions. Like snowflakes, each one is unique and holds significant value. So, welcome to what I like to call the Island of Lost Bagels. The place where communication fails with Bagels who never really could grow up.

The Unemployed Bagel

Bagel: Hey! Nice to meet you. Would love to take you to coffee round 3 today.
Me: Oh…I’m at work at 3 PM today. It’s a Monday!
B: How about tomorrow round 2? Or Thursday round 4?
M: Still at work…

The Negligible Bagel

Bagel: Let’s go try a ballroom class!
Me: Sounds great – let me know when you’re free
B: Ballroom dance West LA is only open on Tuesdays..
M: Guess we’ll have to find a Tuesday then!
B: You aren’t very proactive about this scheduling thing are you

This is comical if you know how much of a scheduling tyrant I am.

Unresponsive Bagels (Case Studies 1-3)

Bagel 1: Are you into sports? Football playoffs today :) !
Me: I’m actually watching the playoffs now! Go Niners! What sports do you like to watch?

Guess you don’t like the 49ers. 

Bagel 2: I have to say, I rely on other people to get me to try new things. I find what works and stick with it, so having adventurous friends is a plus!
Me: Really? I love trying new food. I’m pretty lucky in that most of my friends like to also, so we’re always down to try new places. What’s one of your favorite go-to meals?

So..you don’t like to eat? 

Bagel 3: Sorry for the late response! Long day in the lab and I just dropped a friend off at LAX. How was your New Years?
Me: No worries! It was good – pretty chill. Laid low for the night with some friends. What did you do?

Your New Years was that crazy, huh?

The Raver Bagel

Bagel: I’m going to White Wonderland for New Years!
Me: Oh man…did you find white pants?
B: Haha I had them from last year! Do you like raves?
M: No, not really my thing, but a lot of my friends are going to be at White Wonderland this year.
B: Wait..so do you not like drinking? Or dancing? Or having fun?!

I missed the memo that said people only have fun when they’re at raves. Sorry. 

The Existential Bagel

Bagel: You just met this bagel. Hi.
Me: Thank you for identifying yourself as the bagel of the day.
B: I’m the coffee. You’re the bagel.
M: I think we’re both bagels. Does that mean we’re both coffees?
B: Whoa.

Hope you enjoyed reading these as much as I didn’t enjoy realizing that this was now my life.
 
If you enjoyed this post, perhaps you’ll want to read When You’re on a Date…Squirrel
About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.
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Story From A Member: When You're On A Date … SQUIRREL

~ The Amazeballs Bagel ~

What can I say about The Amazeballs Bagel? Many unusual things struck me, but did not deter me nor raise any significant flags:

  • Our text messages would seem to quickly jump from topic to topic. For example, he would say, “I’m at the drug store buying $50 worth of floss to use up my 2013 FSA.” Before I could respond, I receive a “…SO when are you free to hang out???”
  • He was 33 and went to a rave for New Years. Sorry, but at that point, shouldn’t you be out-untzed?
  • Many of his messages began with a “…” and note that no prior text message ended with a “…” nor was the “…” ever truly necessary.

Regardless, I agreed to a date. We met up and he was the first bagel I could actually banter and joke around with. There was minimal judgement passed, and he did not share that he dropped $10k on strippers, so in my book, he was golden. He even dropped a funny from time to time. However, he started to pepper the word “amazeballs” into conversation but was very serious in his delivery. When I called him out on it, he claimed his boss said it a lot so it stuck with him and I assumed he was doing it to be ironic in some way. But after the twentieth “amazeballs”, I realized he actually just says it a lot.

The conversation ADD really kicked in, though, when it took him a good 45 minutes to tell me a 10-minutes-tops story because he kept getting sidetracked by his own stories. I’m all for a stream of consciousness, but that’s slightly excessive when I’m wondering at the end of the story why we’re even talking about it in the first place.

The evening comes to an end because my parking was going to run out (the best excuse ever when you live in a city like Los Angeles), and I said I had to go. He walked me to my car and said, “I think we should see each other again.” I nodded indifferently. “Is it going to happen?” I just nodded, buddy, chill out. He then gave me a kiss on the cheek and as I was saying goodbye, he cut me off and said, “You’re so cute!!!!”

I drove home confused at the last thirty minutes of interaction and proceeded to engage in the weirdest post-date text conversation ever:

Bagel: Text me when you get home and all that crap.
Me: Just got home. Thanks again for tonight!
B: What are you wearing?
M: Uh…the same thing I wore 10 minutes ago when you saw me drive away.
B: You dirty dirty girl
[I swear you make one balls joke after he says ‘amazeballs’ and you’re automatically a slut]
B: We’re eating dinner on Sunday.
M: What?
B: Dinner. Sunday.
M: You’re not even going to ask if I’m free?
B: Oh. Fine. Are you free?
M: No…I have plans.
B: Great. Brunch. Sunday.
M: No…I still have plans.
B: Well I leave on Wednesday. Figure something out. I will tell you the whole taking advantage of me at dinner thing won’t happen.
M: Noted.
B: You’re cute!
M: You have a short attention span.

I’m still so confused and exhausted. Sadly, the only word I’m left with is “amazeballs”.

Want to know more about my dating adventures? Maybe you’ll like The Pretentious Bagel.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

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