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Violet Lim, Episode 7

Save the Date #7 How can a matchmaker help me find the right person? | Violet Lim

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Have you ever felt curious about how matchmakers actually make matches? How do they know who their clients will be attracted to, or who they will be compatible with? In today’s episode, I interviewed 15-year veteran matchmaker Violet Lim to learn the secret to matchmaking, so you can apply all of her lessons to your own dating life. 

Violet is the co-founder and chief cupid at a premier matchmaking company, Lunch Actually Group. She was the first Asian to be certified by the Matchmaking Institute in New York City, where she now sits on their board. She’s also the executive director and principal trainer at the Matchmaking Institute of Southeast Asia where she trains matchmakers and aspiring matchmakers from all around the world. 

This is “Save the Date,” a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship.

SHOW NOTES:

An overview of Violet’s background [0:26]

How Violet decided to become a matchmaker [1:14]

How does actual matchmaking compare to the movies [3:40]

The art and science of matchmaking [6:44]

What role does attraction play in compatibility? [12:00]

What roles do mutual interest and values play in a relationship? [16:42]

Do mutual values also mean mutual trust? [20:46]

How to handle the check-in conversation [26:47]

If your date is unsure, should you give it more time? [35:37]

First messages that tend to get good responses [40:34]

The best (and worst) dating advice Violet has received [43:27]

 

RESOURCES:

 

QUOTES:

“It’s nice to have common interests, but it’s not going to make or break a relationship.” [23:18]

“Building trust and respect takes time. And from what we have seen so far, it usually takes between five to seven dates.” [28:03]

“Are you comfortable having the ‘check-in’ conversation with the other person? If you are not comfortable to even broach this subject, that could be a red flag.” [32:32]

“If you’re in the right relationship with the right person, that person would be very invested in your emotions and wants to make you happy and see you smile.” [37:40]

“You need to make your intentions clear at some point. If the other person’s intentions are totally different than yours, then you need to ascertain at that point, ‘What do I want?’” [38:40]

“As much as we love the other person and we want to support their dreams, goals, and aspirations – it’s more important that we love ourselves more.”  [40:02]

“When dating, be the best version of yourself – just like when you go on a job interview. Prepare and put your best foot forward.”  [48:38]

“My best advice for singles would be two things: one is having the right mindset, and two is having a positive attitude.” [50:32]

“Nobody wants to go on a date with someone who complains about everything under the sun. The worst thing that you can do on a date is to complain.” [50:35]

Jenna Card, Episode 6

Save the Date #6: How do I get better at asking my dates the tough questions? | Jenna Card

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How do I ask if my date is still using dating apps? How do I ask if they want to do a video chat instead of texting? How do I ask if they want to make things official? These are some of the most common questions I get from Coffee Meets Bagel Daters. Basically: I want to know X, Y, Z about my date, but I don’t know how to communicate it. 

Why is it so hard for us to ask these kinds of questions, especially considering how badly we want an answer? When I was dating, I didn’t want my date to think I liked them too much, or that I’m needy, or that I’m some kind of weirdo. Whatever the reason – communicating with people we are just starting to get to know is hard.

Well, today I’m here to share with you my little secret. Several years ago, I discovered a tool called Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and it completely transformed how I communicate not only with my dates, but with everyone in my life. I was no longer holding back what I wanted to say out of fear of rejection. My dates started commenting on how refreshingly different I was from other people they’ve dated. Dating has felt so different since then.

Today I am so excited to have my own teacher Jenna Card here to train all of us on this concept of NVC. She is a certified NVC trainer with 25 years of teaching experience. She excels at facilitating heart-centered connection. She helps businesses, communities, and individuals create more effective and fulfilling relationships through NVC. 

This is “Save the Date,” a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship.

 

SHOW NOTES:

What is Nonviolent Communication? [5:18]

Confidence is attractive [11:15]

Letting go of assumptions in communication [15:28]

Taking people at face value in a relationship [20:18]

What can I do to create a connection in this moment? [37:15]

How to navigate when communication gets sticky [47:08]

 

QUOTES:

“If I can self-connect and know what’s happening inside myself and be aware of what I want to create in this exchange, my way of being changes. How I interact with people changes.” [6:16]

“We talk about wanting to be confident, and confidence is attractive. I think that confidence is a sense of groundedness in yourself, a sense of assuredness in yourself.” [11:05]

“When you can let go of assuming anything about anyone else and just be curious, you will transform your connection with people.” [15:28]

“My internal phrase is ‘Thank you for taking care of yourself,’ when I hear someone’s no – and that helps me feel less defensive about a no.” [24:10]

“Ask for what you want. No one is going to know what you want unless you’re able to ask for it. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there.” [51:52]

Dr. Mariel Buque, Episode 5

Save the Date #5: How do I handle the stress of being single during the holidays? | Dr. Mariel Buquè

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Dating around the holiday season and the end of the year can be stressful. What do we say to well-intentioned friends and family who jab at us with questions like “Why are you still single?” or “Are you dating anyone?” And with cold weather, we now have to manage spending more time at home alone. Learn how to navigate dating this holiday season with peace, joy, and confidence from renowned mental health professional Dr. Mariel Buquè.

This is Save the Date, a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship.

 

 

SHOW NOTES:

An overview of Mariel’s background [1:27]

Dating during the holidays [3:31]

Coping with difficult emotions around the holiday [5:00]

Anticipating questions about dating from friends and families around the holiday [7:15]

A simple way to deal with holiday anxiety [12:13]

Specific breathing techniques listeners can start using today [18:27]

The science behind why breathing techniques are effective [21:48]

How to deal with loneliness and isolation during the holidays [25:26]

When is the right time to tell a date about depression or mental health conditions [33:16]

How to be supportive of a date who is struggling [36:31]

The best dating advice Mariel has ever received [42:03]

 

RESOURCES:

QUOTES:

“It’s really important to take a moment for yourself to engage in some self-reflection. Potentially engage in some journaling about what this season feels like for you.” [9:50]

“Tap into yourself, reflect upon what you want to say, recite it, and then when the opportunity comes, you can more calmly say: ‘I’m choosing to focus on myself right now.’” [12:04]

“If you can’t be a good friend to yourself, then how can you be a good friend to a partner?” [33:13]

“It’s so much more rewarding when you can step into a relationship already feeling full and the person just complements you.” [39:40]

“Long breaks are really healthy. It offers you an opportunity to reflect on what you’ve learned in that situation – how did you evolve within it?” [46:25]

“No matter what situation you go into, you are worthy.” [51:41]

Eli Finkel, Episode 4

Save the Date #4: How do I create a relationship that fits my needs? | Eli Finkel

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In the last episode, we touched on beginning with an end in mind. If you want to meet a great partner and find a great relationship, it’s a lot easier to navigate there if you have a clear picture of what that should look like for you. Once you have that clear picture, you’re going to be able to start from a blank slate. You can just go out and create whatever kind relationship works best for you from scratch, which personally I think is so much easier than trying to fix a broken relationship that’s not working – I have been in several, so I know how excruciatingly frustrating that can be. That’s why I’m really excited to have today’s guest help you understand what research has uncovered about what a great relationship should look and feel like, so you can go and start creating that.

Eli Finkel is the author of “The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work,” where he researched all aspects of marriages and uncovered what makes a modern long-term relationship work, and how you can get there. He is also a contributor to the Op-Ed page of The New York Times and the Director of Relationships and Motivation Lab at Northwestern University, where he has published over 150 scientific papers on love and relationships. The Economist has identified him as “one of the leading lights in the realm of relationship psychology.” 

This is “Save the Date,” a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship.

 

LISTEN ON:

Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Google Play | Stitcher

 

VIDEO:

 

SHOW NOTES:

Getting stuck our expectations and what we’re investing in [6:41]

Shooting for exquisite [9:16]

Fulfilling self-actualization in your relationship i [12:26]

An essential component of true intimacy [22:37]

The importance of self-discovery [32:32]

Compatibility is important, but so is self-work [36:33]

Getting in the right headspace for a date [49:57]

Orient towards saying “yes” when you’re on the fence [57:04]

 

QUOTES:

“How well do you even know who you are? There’s a lot to be said for taking some time for some serious self-discovery to get a sense of who you are.” [32:42]

“I don’t want to say dating is a numbers game because it sounds too cynical. But I think an orientation toward saying ‘yes’ in cases where you’re on the fence is a good idea.” [57:04]

“Compatibility is a real thing, but a hell of a lot of how to build a good relationship is working on ourselves and working on the relationship.” [36:33]

“Shooting for exquisite is great because it puts exquisite within reach.” [9:16]

“Essential to true intimacy is that I’ve handed you my love and heart and vulnerability. We are going to hold each other’s hearts and be gentle and tender with them.” [22:37]

“If you could do something that you would enjoy doing, even if there’s no connection, that’s a good headspace to go into the date with because it keeps expectations in check.“ [49:57]

Amari Ice, Episode 3

Save the Date #3: How do I decide what matters most in a relationship? | Amari Ice

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One phrase that has helped many people in both their personal and professional lives is “Begin with an end in mind.” If we don’t know where we want to end up, we’re going to meander, get lost, or maybe even end up somewhere we thought we wanted to go… but it turns out it wasn’t. Oftentimes in dating, we jump in without having a clear idea of what kind of partner we need or the relationship we want to create – and that can be the cause of a lot of painful dating experiences. 

Today’s guest, Amari Ice, is the author of the book “Lasting Love at Last: The Gay Guide To Attracting the Relationship of Your Dreams.” He is the first gay, black dating coach to be certified as a matchmaker by the Matchmaking Institute, and he has coached over 500 daters – with a 75% success rate in terms of finding relationships! In this episode, he provides insight to help listeners improve at the art of figuring out who they should meet and what their end goals should look like. He also answers questions that listeners submitted. 

This is Save the Date, a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship.

SHOW NOTES:

Don’t take love so seriously [4:36]

Wants vs. needs [7:36]

Aligning values [19:56]

Don’t fall for potential [22:13]

The five crucial values [24:42]

QUOTES:

“We’re going to be most attractive, most engaging, most fascinating when we’re having fun – when we’re in that state of childhood, childlike passion.” [5:04]

“We often bypass or totally exclude or don’t even consider what we actually need from a partner in order to be happy.” [8:09]

“A lot of times, what we want serves as a barrier to getting what we need from a partner – when that doesn’t really matter in terms of what’s going to make us happy long term.” [8:18]

“If the values aren’t aligned, it doesn’t matter if they have any of the other traits, because you’re going to grow apart eventually anyway.” [20:07]

“The person who is going to meet your needs long term has to have the capacity to do that now. Meaning, if we look for someone and fall for potential – which many people do – the only way to guarantee that a person has the capacity to meet our needs later is that they have the capacity now, which means they actually have those traits. They don’t just have the potential to have the traits.” [21:04]

“If you only look at physical traits, you’re missing out on whether or not this person can meet your needs.” [22:04]

“You’ve got to ask yourself, why are you attracted to certain types of people? Why do you continue to be attracted to people who you know aren’t good for you?” [26:37]

“Whenever you have a requirement, ask yourself: ‘Why is this important to me?’ If you can’t give yourself a viable answer, usually there’s a bias going on you want to unpack.” [30:48]

“For long-term relationships, the more familiar we are, the more closely our values match, the safer we feel, the more comfortable we’re going to be with that partner long term.” [34:14]

“You want to see if there’s consistency of those traits over time. That’s what leads you to the night before the wedding, not wondering if this is the right person.” [39:15]

Natalie Lue, Episode 2

Save the Date #2: How can vulnerability help me forge a loving relationship? | Natalie Lue

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Opening up to someone new is never easy, and we’re all guilty of hiding our vulnerable side when it comes to dating. But how to do we drop the act and really practice emotional availability with a partner – and what do we stand to lose if we don’t? Natalie Lue, dating expert and author of “Love, Care, Trust & Respect” shares her expertise and personal experiences to help us get to the bottom of it.

This is “Save the Date,” a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship.

Show notes

[1:39] Are we actually the emotionally unavailable ones?

[4:27} Why being vulnerable is so scary

[8:20] We can’t judge emotional availability right away

[14:04] There’s no crystal ball for relationships

[15:56] Are we being open, or just pretending to be?

[19:53] Being vulnerable in a safe way

[23:40] Learning to ask for what you need

[27:12] What does emotional availability actually look like?

[31:35] Practical tips for asking important questions

[40:52] The different stages of a relationship

[48:21] How bias affects our dating life

[51:01] When having “a type” creates blindspots

[55:52] The best dating advice Natalie has ever heard

[57:15] Natalie’s one go-to piece of advice for daters

Quotes

“I thought of myself as miss commitment, miss monogamous, you know, I’m just like, so emotional. I’m so there. But I realized that I am the common denominator.”

“We have to ask ourselves. Why is it that when it comes to dating or being in a relationship, we consistently want to be involved with people who we are in no danger of actually being emotionally available with?”

“Boundaries are also a form of intimacy. Are we willing to say and show the word no? If we’re not, then we don’t have intimacy, because we can’t be real.”

“When we first meet somebody, when we’re dating them, we’re not meeting them. We’re meeting their representative. We’re putting our best forward, we’re giving the big laughs, telling the best stories. You know, we’re bringing our A-game. When we move from dating to being in a relationship, this is where the real getting to know begins.”

“Part of getting into the love bit in a relationship is, we actually have to be willing for the possibility of having our heart broken.”

“Whatever it is that you’re afraid to ask is typically the thing that you very much need to ask. Whatever it is that you’re afraid to say is often the thing that you really, really need to say.”

“Once we’ve now talked ourselves out of asking something that we need to know and then we’re privately anxious or irritated or upset or resentful or whatever it is behind the scenes – we’re now entering into this relationship with this big question mark, or continuing on with this involvement with this big question mark, and it sours things. We are far more likely to forge an intimate relationship with somebody who we were willing to ask the questions that we were afraid to ask.”

“People who are emotionally available consistently feel their feelings, even when they’re not the pretty ones.”

“If you keep doing the things that you typically avoid doing in relationships that you don’t want to be in again, you’re going to be in that relationship again, even if it’s just from how you are behaving.”

“If you only ask questions when your back’s against the wall, then you’re going to feel really intense. But when you’re going on dates and you’re actually there with the person and you’re being yourself and you’re having a conversation – it’s a natural extension to ask questions, right?”

“If we want to be in a loving relationship, we have to be willing to be honest, we have to be willing to ask the difficult questions.”

“In an ideal world, meeting somebody’s parents would mean that you are in a relationship and that this person wants to commit to you and sees you for something serious. But I have an ex who introduced me to his parents on our second date…and after the third date, our involvement was over.”

“Well the thing about dating is that a lot of people are driven by bias. Now, all humans have bias. And every human that says they don’t have bias, that’s just another bias.”

“There is a lot of using biases to make decisions that just do not make any sense whatsoever. We think ‘Oh, I just need to find somebody who is at an Ivy League, who earns this amount of money, who works in this field and if I can find somebody like that, then they’re perfect for me.’ How? None of those things tell you anything whatsoever about what type of partner they could be, whether you’re compatible in terms of core values.”

“Look back at who you’ve dated. Is there a pattern to it? Do they all look the same? Is the criteria pretty much all the same? This is an example of a blind spot.”

“We are often overlooking people who we are far more compatible with because we’re looking for something that actually might be totally irrelevant.”

“If you’re serious about being in a serious relationship, accept no substitutes.”

Jess McCann, Episode 1

Save the Date #1: Dating Hacks with Jess McCann

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You might not think dating advice and medical sales would come up in the same conversation, but Jess McCann has an interesting story to tell. In this episode of Save the Date, the dating coach and author dives into dating hacks developed from her best sales tactics, and how they can immediately change the way you date.

This is Save the Date, a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship.

 

Show notes:

The similarities between sales and dating [2:23]

A curse does exist in dating, but it’s not what you think [4:28]

Why self-knowledge is critical to dating [6:22]

How to shift your mindset around “prospecting” in dating [8:07]

Why it’s so important to end a date at the height of impulse [10:04]

How the SEE factor and mirroring can relax you on a date [12:58]

The difference between playing a game and strategizing [16:18]

Why Jessica wrote “Cursed?” [17:53]

What it means to be self-absorbed in dating and why this is such a big risk [20:47]

While “being present” may be overused today, there are good reasons why it is essential on any date [25:22]

Practical next steps to immediately improve your dating prospects [28:25]

What to do if the other person isn’t ready for a relationship but seems interested? [30:08]

What do you do when the date starts to go bad? [31:20]

The best dating advice Jessica has ever received [34:42]

Once piece of advice that will help people looking for a long-term relationship right now [35:32]

 

Quotes:

“My team told me I should write a book that takes these sales strategies and teaches daters how to date using them. So I wrote it.”

“There’s a difference between games and strategy. A strategy is going out with a certain number of people and arming yourself with these techniques so a person can really get to know you.”

“If you’re seeing a negative pattern in your relationships over and over again, the reason is you have a certain mindset that is sabotaging your love life.”

 “The purpose of a date is for you to get to know someone and them to get to know you. In order to do that, you both have to be in the present moment – you can’t be future-focused.”

“If you’re too self-focused, you can’t accurately assess what’s going on in the relationship or with the person sitting across from you.”

“Being loving is not about doing whatever another person asks. It means responding in a loving way. It means being loving in how you handle anyone in a situation.”

“People go on dates and they’re more concerned with what sounds good and what the other person is going to want. Focus on who you are and what is important to you.”

“You really have to know yourself and what you’re looking for. Otherwise, you’re going to be tied up into what the other person wants to hear from you, which is not important at all.”

“Just be yourself and don’t worry if the other person doesn’t like you. Just go into everything with good intentions and a good heart and it’ll be fine.”

“If you’re nervous on a date, ‘mirror theory’ is so helpful because all you have to do is mirror the other person. You don’t have to overthink it – your body language will come off just right.”

“Remember your ‘SEE Factor’: Smile, Eye Contact, Energy. The other person will feel that positive energy and know that you like them and are excited to meet them.”

“End your date at the height of impulse. If you’re having a great time on a date and thinking ‘I wish this date would never end,’ – that is the exact point where it should end.”

CMB plus Getaway

CMB and Getaway giving a 2-night stay to couples affected by COVID-19

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A lot of good things have been crossed off the calendar lately, from casual happy hours to some of life’s more important events, like weddings. 

Couples everywhere have been faced with the hard decision to cancel their big day. But through it all, we’ve seen them find a way to celebrate their love anyway. Some are swapping guest lists for Zoom invites and photo booths for webcams, but the end result is still the same: Two people coming together to pledge their love with friends and family there to witness (well, virtually at least). 

One such couple was Sophia and David, who met on CMB three years ago. The plan was to get married on April 25, 2020, but they spent the weeks leading up to the big day with increasing worry. 

As news about the spread of COVID-19 rolled in, the couple went from wondering if they should postpone their honeymoon to facing the reality that their wedding simply couldn’t happen as planned. 

Instead, they had an intimate backyard ceremony – just David, Sophia, and their church pastor, with 150 guests watching via livestream. Nothing went according to plan, but Sophia recounts that it was all the more special because it happened in the face of adversity. 

When we heard about their plan to pivot to a virtual wedding, our co-founders decided to surprise them during the reception with a gift. 

Watch their wedding surprise below:

 

 

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We teamed up with Getaway to give them a 2-night stay at a Getaway cabin, and now we’re offering the same gift to up to 10 other couples whose weddings or honeymoons have been affected by COVID-19.

Gifting couples with a Getaway weekend

Has your wedding or honeymoon been derailed by the pandemic? You can apply for the opportunity to receive a free 2-night stay at one of Getaway’s cozy cabins. Picture it now: you and your partner, away from the hustle of day-to-day life, surrounded by all nature has to offer. And hey, maybe your dog is there, too. 

Sounds like the perfect mini-honeymoon, right? 

And don’t worry, the gift doesn’t have to be used immediately – only when you feel safe and comfortable with traveling. But if you’d like to escape ASAP, you can read more here on what Getaway is doing to ensure their locations are safe for guests. 

How do I apply?

If you’ve been reading along and thought something along the lines of “Hey, my wedding was affected by COVID-19,” then you’re the perfect fit – and we’d love for you to apply! 

We’re offering this 2-night Getaway stay to up to 10 couples who meet the qualifications. Here’s what you need to know about eligibility and the application:

– Your wedding or honeymoon was canceled or rescheduled due to COVID-19.

– If chosen, you’ll be required to show proof of cancellation (receipt, with date of the event).

– Five CMB couples and five non-CMB couples will be randomly selected.

– Getaway Outposts are only available in these locations: Atlanta, Austin/San Antonio, Boston, Dallas, Los Angeles, New York, Pittsburgh/Cleveland, Portland, and Washington, D.C.

– One couple per Getaway location will be chosen.

And that’s all there is to it! Fill out this application – the deadline to apply is May 5, 2020. We’ll reach out if you and your partner were selected. 

There’s nothing fun about canceled plans. But seeing couples do what they can to make the best of their situation has been inspiring to us here at CMB. We hope these Getaway weekends can be something fun added to the calendar. 

*NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW. Ends May 5th, 2020 at 8:00am Eastern Time. Must be 21+, and be a legal resident of the U.S. Sponsor: Coffee Meets Bagel, Inc. Odds of winning depend on the number of entries received. Click here for complete rules.

 

Ready to get your virtual chat on? Download Coffee Meets Bagel to text yourself a link. Or, download CMB directly from your phone: iOS | Android

Coffee Talk

‘Coffee Talk’ gives CMB Community a place to virtually meet

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Stop us if any of this sounds familiar: You’ve recently dug up never-before-used puzzles from the games closet. Your Google search history includes “How to bake ciabatta.” And checking your phone’s screen time report? Forget about it.

At first, coronavirus was simply scary. And to be honest, it’s still scary. But with social distancing and shelter-in-place becoming the new normal, life has become a little lonely – and even boring, as well.

To combat the feelings of isolation and remind CMBers that we’re in this together (at least virtually), we’ve launched Coffee Talk: a virtual meetup with the CMB community.

Coffee Talk: conversations from the couch

Sure, we may have to be physically apart, but Coffee Talk gives CMB singles the chance to get their socialization on from the comfort of their own home – cozy slippers and glass of wine optional. 

Every Tuesday and Friday at 8 p.m. local time, we’ll be hosting virtual meetups for bagels in five major shelter-in-place cities: San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, and Washington, D.C.

How does it work?

Once each session starts, participants will be greeted by a CMB moderator. They’ll go over some ground rules and then kick things off with an initial icebreaker. 

From there, everyone will break into small groups of 6-8 people so they can have more intimate conversations. After about 20 minutes, we do a little bit of video-chat musical chairs and switch up groups, giving participants the opportunity to meet as many new people as possible. 

And while we’ll provide an icebreaker or two, anything goes for conversation – from dating during COVID-19, to your latest Animal Crossing tips and Netflix picks (“Tiger King,” anyone?)

At the end of the hour, we’ll bring all of the groups back together for some parting words. And if some CMB singles happened to hit it off, romantically or platonically, they’ll have the opportunity to exchange contact info via DM.

The buzz on Coffee Talk

We’ve hosted a few Coffee Talks so far and the response has been overwhelmingly positive: When surveyed, more than 90% of participants said they would join again. 

Many participants felt that chatting with people who are also getting used to this “weird new world” helped normalize their emotions. Hearing that you’re not alone in this feeling helps make it a bit more manageable. 

“I believe that CMB’s mission to create real connections is even more important in uncertain times like this,” says Dawoon Kang, Coffee Meets Bagel’s co-founder and -CEO. “We needed to be creative about how we can enable them to stay connected with one another in times of social distancing, shelter-in-place, and self quarantining.” 

With the news cycle constantly changing and being cut off from our normal day-to-day interactions, something as simple as a casual conversation with strangers can be the thing that turns your day around.

How do I sign up?

When you open the app on Tuesdays and Fridays before 3 p.m. local time, we’ll show an in-app announcement that will let you sign up for that night’s event. 

Remember, we’re hosting small groups to help daters really get to know one another, so that means space is limited. After signing up, be on the lookout for a follow-up email to let you know whether your spot is confirmed. If one night’s roster fills up fast, don’t let that deter you from signing up for the next one. We have plenty to talk about, so be sure to try again.

To sign up for our Coffee Talks on Tuesdays and Fridays at 8 p.m. local time, open your app (and hey, maybe check your noon bagel while you’re at it.).

 

Ready to get your virtual chat on? Download Coffee Meets Bagel to text yourself a link. Or, download CMB directly from your phone: iOS | Android

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6 Virtual Date Ideas for CMB Matches

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As social distancing and quarantine life become “the new normal,” it’s easy to feel like much of life has been “canceled.” But the good stuff in life? You can’t cancel that. Here’s a recent CMB Instagram post inspired by author Jamie Tworkowski.

You see this list? Connections fall under the “good stuff” category. In fact, we might even say they fall under the category of “really good stuff.” So, sure, in-person dates are on pause. But CMB daters like you are finding creative ways to take their connections beyond chats. If you’re interested in trying something new together, ask a match out on one of these virtual dates.

1. Keep it casual with a video coffee date

A video coffee date is the perfect twist on the common video chat. How does it work? Schedule a time to video chat (Zoom, Facetime, and Skype are all good picks) to have casual conversation over coffee.

Not a coffee fan? Tea, water, or even a glass of wine will do (just maybe not for the morning; then again, you do you). There are no hard rules that say you have to have coffee or that it needs to be the morning; it just sounds better than, “Let’s Skype.” Plus, you can fill any awkward silences with a cooler-than-cool slurp of your beverage.

2. Make a throw-back phone call

For those of us used to Zooming, a phone call may seem a little…antiquated. But you heard it here first: phone calls are in. We won’t tell you how it works because we all know how to dial a number – and that’s the best part. It’s painfully simple, and there’s no need to find your best first-date outfit (because amid COVID-19 we all know it’s at the bottom of your laundry pile).

If you’re interested in talking on the phone but not so sure about giving out your phone number, consider using free-call services like Google Voice or Kakao Talk.

Pro Tip: Worried about carrying the conversation? Have a box of table-top cards on hand like the Icebreaker deck from Best Self Co to get things going. Just make sure you tell your date you’re bringing them out before you start the question party.

3. Challenge your match to a game night

Sometimes a little flying blue shell is what you need to spark chemistry. If you and your match are both into games, challenge them to a game night. Multiplayer and co-op videogames such as Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, Animal Crossing: New Horizons, Castle Crashers, and Lovers in a Dangerous Spacetime are guaranteed fun.

But if you don’t have any gaming systems on hand, there’s no need to buy one just for virtual dates. Mobile games like Words With Friends can be a lot of fun, too, as well as the traditional Battleship (if you both have the boardgame), Pictionary, or a casual 20 Questions.

4. Try something new with an online museum tour

There’s a certain kind of person who prefers museum and gallery dates to a casual cup of coffee. If that person’s you, don’t fret over the “closed” signs. Google’s got your back with virtual museum views, and there’s always The Smithsonian’s Museum of Natural History. Share a screen via video chat and explore the secrets of Stonehenge, or take turns pretending you’re the tour guide by making up backstories for exhibits.

If a museum tour just isn’t your thing, the Metropolitan Opera is presenting live streams of performances as well for the near future. Looking for something a little more…exotic? It’s a date: tune in at 3 p.m. EDT for “Home Safari Facebook Live,” where the Cincinnati Zoo will share an (albeit sometimes shaky) stream of one of their zoo animals.

These experiences may not be the right virtual date for every match, but if you’re both down to try something new – it’s worth a shot.

5. Stream movies with Netflix Party

Netflix and Chill is canceled for the near future, but Netflix Party is fair game. With Netflix Party, you can synchronize video playback and group chat while you watch your favorite Netflix TV shows and movies. Swap witty commentary, or simply sit back and watch something together to discuss afterward.

Even better: Use Netflix Party to stream Bandersnatch – an interactive “choose your story” film – and take turns deciding (or debating) where the story goes.

6. Get creative with a recipe swap

Let’s be real, watching people eat over video chat isn’t the sexiest date. But, there are still a few ways to bond over a meal that are a smidge cuter. Enter, the recipe swap. To start a recipe swap, ask your match about their favorite recipe. Then, give them yours. On your own time, or via video chat if you both have ingredients available, get to cooking and see how it turns out. Take your first bite via video chat to see immediate reactions.

Fridge looking grim? Play a virtual version of “Chopped” – the show where chefs are put head-to-head to see what meal they can come up with using limited ingredients. Better yet, share pantry lists and have your match choose the ingredients for you.

Wishing for more virtual date ideas?

If you’ve exhausted this list of virtual dates and you’re looking for more, stay in the loop on our Instagram. There, we’ll post more tried and true digital dates, as well as tips for dating during COVID-19. Feel free to drop a comment or DM us about your experience – we’d love to hear from you about what’s working (and what’s not) when it comes to dating during coronavirus.

Looking for someone to test out these virtual date ideas with? Download Coffee Meets Bagel to text yourself a link. Or, download CMB directly from your phone: iOS | Android

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