For the first episode of 2021, I’m really excited to have a publicist turned dating and confidence coach, Alexis Germany, here with me. I first came across Alexis on Bustles’ article, 14 TikTok Dating Coaches Who Are Here To Save Your Love Life. In the article, Alexis gave her 60,000 Twitter followers very specific and actionable tips on how to make the most out of their dating profiles – plus, I love that title!

I certainly have been stuck not knowing what to write or what photos to pick on my own CMB profile. And I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s had that experience. So for the new year and those of us who are giving another go on our dating life, I wanted to have Alexis here to give you all the tips you need to set your CMB profile up for success.

This is “Save the Date,” a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship.

SHOW NOTES:

How a publicist becomes a dating coach [1:10]

The top three common mistakes Alexis sees in her client’s dating profiles [1:47]

Alexis’ favorite advice to give her clients [4:45]

Why the order of your photos matters [6:42]

A few simple ways to get more high-quality photos for your profile [7:35]

An introduction to profile reviews [10:43]

Profile review #1: Andrea [12:37]

Profile review #2: Edgar [23:43]

Profile review #3: Miss Anonymous [34:25]

Profile review #4: Samian [42:05]

The best dating advice Alexis ever received [52:07]

 

RESOURCES:

• The YouTube video where you can see the profile reviews: https://youtu.be/uIzLZhg4h7U
• The Bustle’s article that mentions Alexis, 14 TikTok Dating Coaches Who Are Here To Save Your Love Life: https://www.bustle.com/wellness/tiktok-dating-coaches
• Alexis’ company: https://www.alexisgermany.com/about
• Alexis’ Instagram page: https://www.instagram.com/lexinlalaland/
• Alexis’ TikTok channel: https://vm.tiktok.com/JRVLBsm/
• Alexis’ YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdsrMYcg29iqTJZUFehK8zg

 

QUOTES:

“After you write your profile, if it could describe you, your sister, your best friend, and your coworker, then it’s not unique enough. It’s time to add in some unique flavor.”

“We want to be using photos that are less than a year old and we all have access to the technology to make sure that we can do that.”

“When building your profile, remember that you’re investing in your romantic life. Put your best foot forward, because that’s going to help you yield the best results.”

“We all learn we grow, we become better people – but at our core, we know what we need, we know what our needs are, and how they need to be met.”

“The top three profile mistakes are 1) a blank profile relying on photos alone, 2) not using good quality photos, and 3) having lots of errors, writing too much, or being too vague.”

“Ask a friend of the opposite sex to look at your profile, and don’t be hurt when they tell you their honest opinion of it.”

“But anybody should be able to see five photos of you, they can see five photos of you, then once you move to texting, they should not be asking you, ‘Send me a pic.’ Like, no, you’ve seen five photos, if you don’t like those five photos, you’re not gonna like me physically.”

Have you ever felt curious about how matchmakers actually make matches? How do they know who their clients will be attracted to, or who they will be compatible with? In today’s episode, I interviewed 15-year veteran matchmaker Violet Lim to learn the secret to matchmaking, so you can apply all of her lessons to your own dating life. 

Violet is the co-founder and chief cupid at a premier matchmaking company, Lunch Actually Group. She was the first Asian to be certified by the Matchmaking Institute in New York City, where she now sits on their board. She’s also the executive director and principal trainer at the Matchmaking Institute of Southeast Asia where she trains matchmakers and aspiring matchmakers from all around the world. 

This is “Save the Date,” a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship.

SHOW NOTES:

An overview of Violet’s background [0:26]

How Violet decided to become a matchmaker [1:14]

How does actual matchmaking compare to the movies [3:40]

The art and science of matchmaking [6:44]

What role does attraction play in compatibility? [12:00]

What roles do mutual interest and values play in a relationship? [16:42]

Do mutual values also mean mutual trust? [20:46]

How to handle the check-in conversation [26:47]

If your date is unsure, should you give it more time? [35:37]

First messages that tend to get good responses [40:34]

The best (and worst) dating advice Violet has received [43:27]

 

RESOURCES:

• Violet Lim’s company, Lunch Actually Group
• Violet Lim’s Instagram

 

QUOTES:

“It’s nice to have common interests, but it’s not going to make or break a relationship.” [23:18]

“Building trust and respect takes time. And from what we have seen so far, it usually takes between five to seven dates.” [28:03]

“Are you comfortable having the ‘check-in’ conversation with the other person? If you are not comfortable to even broach this subject, that could be a red flag.” [32:32]

“If you’re in the right relationship with the right person, that person would be very invested in your emotions and wants to make you happy and see you smile.” [37:40]

“You need to make your intentions clear at some point. If the other person’s intentions are totally different than yours, then you need to ascertain at that point, ‘What do I want?’” [38:40]

“As much as we love the other person and we want to support their dreams, goals, and aspirations – it’s more important that we love ourselves more.”  [40:02]

“When dating, be the best version of yourself – just like when you go on a job interview. Prepare and put your best foot forward.”  [48:38]

“My best advice for singles would be two things: one is having the right mindset, and two is having a positive attitude.” [50:32]

“Nobody wants to go on a date with someone who complains about everything under the sun. The worst thing that you can do on a date is to complain.” [50:35]

Dating around the holiday season and the end of the year can be stressful. What do we say to well-intentioned friends and family who jab at us with questions like “Why are you still single?” or “Are you dating anyone?” And with cold weather, we now have to manage spending more time at home alone. Learn how to navigate dating this holiday season with peace, joy, and confidence from renowned mental health professional Dr. Mariel Buquè.

This is Save the Date, a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship.

 

 

SHOW NOTES:

An overview of Mariel’s background [1:27]

Dating during the holidays [3:31]

Coping with difficult emotions around the holiday [5:00]

Anticipating questions about dating from friends and families around the holiday [7:15]

A simple way to deal with holiday anxiety [12:13]

Specific breathing techniques listeners can start using today [18:27]

The science behind why breathing techniques are effective [21:48]

How to deal with loneliness and isolation during the holidays [25:26]

When is the right time to tell a date about depression or mental health conditions [33:16]

How to be supportive of a date who is struggling [36:31]

The best dating advice Mariel has ever received [42:03]

 

RESOURCES:

• Dr. Mariel Buquè’s website
• Dr. Mariel Buquè’s Instagram

QUOTES:

“It’s really important to take a moment for yourself to engage in some self-reflection. Potentially engage in some journaling about what this season feels like for you.” [9:50]

“Tap into yourself, reflect upon what you want to say, recite it, and then when the opportunity comes, you can more calmly say: ‘I’m choosing to focus on myself right now.’” [12:04]

“If you can’t be a good friend to yourself, then how can you be a good friend to a partner?” [33:13]

“It’s so much more rewarding when you can step into a relationship already feeling full and the person just complements you.” [39:40]

“Long breaks are really healthy. It offers you an opportunity to reflect on what you’ve learned in that situation – how did you evolve within it?” [46:25]

“No matter what situation you go into, you are worthy.” [51:41]

Opening up to someone new is never easy, and we’re all guilty of hiding our vulnerable side when it comes to dating. But how to do we drop the act and really practice emotional availability with a partner – and what do we stand to lose if we don’t? Natalie Lue, dating expert and author of “Love, Care, Trust & Respect” shares her expertise and personal experiences to help us get to the bottom of it.

This is “Save the Date,” a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship.

Show notes

[1:39] Are we actually the emotionally unavailable ones?

[4:27} Why being vulnerable is so scary

[8:20] We can’t judge emotional availability right away

[14:04] There’s no crystal ball for relationships

[15:56] Are we being open, or just pretending to be?

[19:53] Being vulnerable in a safe way

[23:40] Learning to ask for what you need

[27:12] What does emotional availability actually look like?

[31:35] Practical tips for asking important questions

[40:52] The different stages of a relationship

[48:21] How bias affects our dating life

[51:01] When having “a type” creates blindspots

[55:52] The best dating advice Natalie has ever heard

[57:15] Natalie’s one go-to piece of advice for daters

Quotes

“I thought of myself as miss commitment, miss monogamous, you know, I’m just like, so emotional. I’m so there. But I realized that I am the common denominator.”

“We have to ask ourselves. Why is it that when it comes to dating or being in a relationship, we consistently want to be involved with people who we are in no danger of actually being emotionally available with?”

“Boundaries are also a form of intimacy. Are we willing to say and show the word no? If we’re not, then we don’t have intimacy, because we can’t be real.”

“When we first meet somebody, when we’re dating them, we’re not meeting them. We’re meeting their representative. We’re putting our best forward, we’re giving the big laughs, telling the best stories. You know, we’re bringing our A-game. When we move from dating to being in a relationship, this is where the real getting to know begins.”

“Part of getting into the love bit in a relationship is, we actually have to be willing for the possibility of having our heart broken.”

“Whatever it is that you’re afraid to ask is typically the thing that you very much need to ask. Whatever it is that you’re afraid to say is often the thing that you really, really need to say.”

“Once we’ve now talked ourselves out of asking something that we need to know and then we’re privately anxious or irritated or upset or resentful or whatever it is behind the scenes – we’re now entering into this relationship with this big question mark, or continuing on with this involvement with this big question mark, and it sours things. We are far more likely to forge an intimate relationship with somebody who we were willing to ask the questions that we were afraid to ask.”

“People who are emotionally available consistently feel their feelings, even when they’re not the pretty ones.”

“If you keep doing the things that you typically avoid doing in relationships that you don’t want to be in again, you’re going to be in that relationship again, even if it’s just from how you are behaving.”

“If you only ask questions when your back’s against the wall, then you’re going to feel really intense. But when you’re going on dates and you’re actually there with the person and you’re being yourself and you’re having a conversation – it’s a natural extension to ask questions, right?”

“If we want to be in a loving relationship, we have to be willing to be honest, we have to be willing to ask the difficult questions.”

“In an ideal world, meeting somebody’s parents would mean that you are in a relationship and that this person wants to commit to you and sees you for something serious. But I have an ex who introduced me to his parents on our second date…and after the third date, our involvement was over.”

“Well the thing about dating is that a lot of people are driven by bias. Now, all humans have bias. And every human that says they don’t have bias, that’s just another bias.”

“There is a lot of using biases to make decisions that just do not make any sense whatsoever. We think ‘Oh, I just need to find somebody who is at an Ivy League, who earns this amount of money, who works in this field and if I can find somebody like that, then they’re perfect for me.’ How? None of those things tell you anything whatsoever about what type of partner they could be, whether you’re compatible in terms of core values.”

“Look back at who you’ve dated. Is there a pattern to it? Do they all look the same? Is the criteria pretty much all the same? This is an example of a blind spot.”

“We are often overlooking people who we are far more compatible with because we’re looking for something that actually might be totally irrelevant.”

“If you’re serious about being in a serious relationship, accept no substitutes.”