Save the Date #13 How does my attachment style make or break my relationship? | Dr. Morgan Anderson
Today I’m joined by Dr. Morgan Anderson, a clinical psychologist, relationship coach, and host of the “Let’s Get Vulnerable” podcast. I love that: let’s get vulnerable. Today, we’re not only going to talk about attachment styles, we’re going to dig into how your attachment style could be making or breaking your dating life. When I first learned about this concept of attachment style, I was like: “Oh my god, this explains everything about my dating life!”
This is “Save the Date,” a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship.
SHOW NOTES:
What is secure attachment? [0:59]
Why is secure attachment important in our dating life? [6:10]
How to get assurance around your own attachments [10:59]
How can two people in a relationship move towards secure attachment [13:49]
How to approach dating if you’re an avoidant style [22:52]
Examples of unhealthy coping strategies [32:35]
How to approach people on dates using this knowledge [38:05]
The best dating advice Dr. Morgan Anderson has ever received [40:27]
RESOURCES:
- The “Let’s Get Vulnerable” Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lets-get-vulnerable-relationship-and-dating-advice/id1496034764
- Dr. Morgan Anderson’s website: https://www.drmorgancoaching.com/
- Dr. Morgan Anderson’s IG profile: https://www.instagram.com/drmorgancoaching/?hl=en
- The secure attachment quiz: https://quiz.tryinteract.com/#/5e77d82d29386e001428f8f1
QUOTES:
“Attachment theory is the understanding of how our early relationship experiences with caregivers create a template for how we navigate relationships throughout the rest of our lives.”
“Secure attachment is where we all want to be. This is where both our needs matter. I value closeness and taking care of myself. I can set boundaries as a healthy relationship develops.”
“Our brain is looking for partners who fit the template that we have for love.”
“You need to be a love scientist. You want to be showing up in dating with zero expectations, you’re just gathering the data.”
“The person that is meant for you will show up, hear you, and take in what you have to say. They are not your person if expressing your needs and how you feel pushes them away.”
“A relationship is a living, breathing thing. It’s the third entity between two people. And sometimes you have two amazing people, but that third entity just doesn’t function well.”
“Each new person you meet is an opportunity to be curious and really learn about who they are and how you feel around them.”
“Secure attachment is being really, really curious, openly and honestly expressing what you need, and seeing how they respond to that. And if it’s not a good fit, you move on.”
“If you’re communicating what you need, and it’s not being met over and over, they don’t have the capacity to meet you where you’re at, and you’re not getting what you need.”
“Is a relationship adding or subtracting value to your life? If there is more energy drain, more value subtraction, you need to ask yourself, is this really worth continuing?”
“How do you want to feel in your relationship? You’re creating the relationship culture from early on, so you need to be intentional about what that looks like in the early stages of dating.”