You are here: Home / Date Tips
successful relationship

Are All The Good Men And Women Really Taken?

/in /by

Do These 6 Things To Find Out

Guest post by Linda Bloom
Charlie and I have heard many people asking this question during our career as relationship counselors. My point of view is: it only takes one. You may have to kiss a few frogs in the process but that’s a small price to pay compared to what could be a great outcome.

Why Bother?

There’s no doubt that finding somebody who floats your boat is a challenge, especially if you’ve gone through the process enough times to know exactly what you’re looking for — and what you aren’t willing to go through again. It’s not a walk on the beach to find somebody who will pair with you, make a commitment to support your development and to learn and respect your needs, who won’t bail when things get tense, can stand the heat, and work with you to create the partnership you look for.
So why bother going through this onerous process?  Isn’t it simpler and less upsetting to save yourself the inconvenience and stay out of the dating game altogether? After all, if you’re convinced that there’s nobody out there who’s available, who’s really worth being in relationship with, then why should you even try?

The Truth

Many people embrace the idea that “all the good ones are already taken” because it protects them from the possibility of the rejection, disappointment, pain, or loss that can accompany the quest for love. They may not be building a relationship and enjoying the benefits of a rich and rewarding bond, but by the same token they believe they will avoid the fear of being abandoned, cheated on, or the frustration of finding out that the one they thought was a prize turned out to be a disappointment and the source of hurt. Some of those who hold this position tend to gather “evidence” usually from others who share the same belief, which affirms their view: it’s just not worth the effort. Believing that the situation is hopeless has the advantage of justifying the avoidance of emotional risks fundamental with starting new relationships. Some prefer to find “friends” with whom they can commiserate and find solace and empathy.
Just as you might be contemplating abandoning the search, there are plenty of other qualified, decent, worthwhile eligible partners out there . Because they may be thinking the same thing as you, however, they are not likely to come knocking on your door without receiving some kind of invitation. And if your standards are such that you require your partner to adhere to some ideal of “perfection”, be prepared to be disappointed (unless you can prove that you are perfect yourself).
Whether you live in San Francisco or in South Carolina, whether you’re 18 or 92, whether you’re a conservative or a liberal, whether you like jazz or pop, there are people with whom it is possible to create true, lasting and loving partnerships. What it takes is:

  1. The readiness to risk involvement and emotional engagement, to make yourself vulnerable and face the chance of disappointment.
  2. The intention to become the partner of your dreams, rather than just trying to find him or her. Ask yourself: “ ‘I need somebody to love me’: is that true?”
  3. The commitment to persevere without getting discouraged even if you do end up having to kiss a few frogs.
  4. The ability to be selective about who you talk and listen to, and pay less attention to your nay-saying friends.
  5. A commitment to do your own work to become a more loving, authentic, and trustworthy person. Love with others starts with love within!
  6. And the patience, trust and faith that make it possible to hang in there and enjoy the ride between now and the time that you get to invalidate this less useful belief!

Linda Bloom and her husband Charlie are renown experts in the field of relationships. They have been married since 1972. They are educators and relationship therapists who are committed to helping individuals and couples experience a high level of well being in their lives. They have been featured by over two hundred radio and TV programs and are co-authors of several bestselling books. To learn about their practice, or to ask them a question, visit their profile on eTherapi. eTherapi is an online therapy platform that allows people to find and talk with a therapist anytime, anywhere.
If you liked this post, check out Is Love At First Sight Real?

Fill out my online form.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

App Store

love at first sight

Is Love At First Sight Real?

/in /by

Love at first sight! Hmmm!, have you ever experienced it before?  Do you even believe it can happen to you? Many people have different notions when it comes to falling in love at first sight. To some, it looks very possible, while to others, it is very ridiculous. Ok, let’s consult the opinions of psychologists to determine whether it is really possible to fall in love at first sight or not.
A study carried out by Stephanie Ortigue, Ph.D of Syracuse University and his colleagues from West Virginia University, and a Switzerland based University Hospital revealed that falling in love only takes about a fifth of a second to happen.
They discovered that love at first sight depends on the psychological state of mind. Some people fall in love at first sight because they believe love exists and are ready to fall in love. It will be difficult for people who do not believe in love to fall in love at first sight.  Again, you cannot fall in love at first sight if you are not in a good state of mind or you have loads of problems on your mind. At such time, falling in love will be the last thing on your mind.
It was also discovered that men have the tendency to fall in love at first sight more than women.  This is due to physical attractiveness factor. It is possible for a man to  fall in love at first sight because the more he looks at a woman for the first time, the more he will be interested in her. However, this is not true for most women. They tend to fall in love while in a relationship. A woman can like a man’s appearance, looks etc, but will hardly fall in love at that instant, but as a relationship develops, she tends to fall in love and is committed to the relationship.
Apart from scientific researches, is it really possible to feel love at first sight or is it “lust” that people experience. For us to discover the truth, we will first of all look at the definition of love and lust.
Love, according to the Wordweb dictionary is “a strong positive emotion of regard and affection”.  I love the definition given by Brene Brown, he said love is “an intangible connection between two people that feels exceptionally good”. Love is a good feeling. Most people describes it as having butterflies in your stomach.
Lust on the other hand is defined as “having a craving, appetite, or great desire for”.  Love and lust looks similar but they generate different actions and reactions. Most people refer to love at first sight as been lust and not love.  Lust can be very deceptive and most people develop it easily thinking they have found utmost chemistry with someone they are meeting for the first time. Most people are drawn to outward appearance and not considering other relevant factors that can make a relationship successful.  Those traits cannot be seen outside, they are inbuilt virtues.
People who fall in love at first sight have a preconceived notion of the kind of person they want to date and so when they come into contact with them at first sight, they tend to fall in love.
The true test of love is that it tends to endure, shines and grows with increased interest overtime, unlike lust which have the ability to fade away, shrinks and disappear within a short period of time.
A Greek-American baseball coach said, “if you don’t know what you’re looking for, you ain’t gonna find it, if you don’t know what is love, you probably ain’t gonna find that either”
Therefore, we can safely conclude that those who fall in love at first sight are looking for love and those who don’t may not be searching for it.  But, is this true, let’s hear your opinion.

Fill out my online form.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

App Store
Get it on Google Play

Tinder

If Tinder Advertised Like eHarmony

/in /by

Here at Coffee Meets Bagel, we’re proud to have intelligent users who are looking for something a bit more fulfilling than a one night stand. Did you know that more than 50 couples who met on Coffee Meets Bagel have gotten engaged or married since we launched in 2012?! Case in point, Tinder users are generally looking for something different than CMB users. (You can read more about this here.) We just couldn’t help but laugh at this spoof, it’s the perfect combination of humor and accuracy. Give it a gander!

If you liked this post, check out What Happened When We Tested 11 Different Male Profile Pictures.

Fill out my online form.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

App Store

dating vines

4 Funniest Dating Vines From 2014

/in /by

Another year slows down to its end but that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t a funny one! As a final celebration for 2014, Coffee Meets Bagel put together a list of the funniest dating Vines we’ve found over the internet to conclude your year in tears…tears of laughter of course!

1. When someone you like is single!

2. If I looked like this…

3. Children in the 21st Century

4. New Relationship VS Old Relationship


 

If you enjoyed this post, you might like "On Kissing 100 Boys...And Counting".

Fill out my online form.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

App Store
Get it on Google Play

Is Watching Porn While You're In A Relationship Cheating?

/in , /by

Okay everyone, time to get real here. You watch porn. Your friends watch porn. Maybe you watch porn with your friends. It’s a weird thing, like pooping (weird comparison, I know, sorry), that everybody does, but for some reason, doesn’t talk about. So, assuming that you don’t talk openly about watching porn with your girlfriend — also assuming you don’t watch porn with your girlfriend — is it considered cheating? Some of the Elite Daily staff are here to put in their two cents on the topic.

If you liked this post, check out The Dark Side: Speed Dating Star Wars Style.

Fill out my online form.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

App Store

Cuddling Is Good For You Because Science (…But Really)

/in , , , /by

Note: The post was written by Laura Argintar and was originally posted on Elite Daily.

It turns out there really is some science as to why your sorry, single self is going to bed at night alone and waking up miserable.

We’re probably not the first people to tell you this — and don’t get all offended when we do — but you need to find a partner. According to collective research by Andrea Petersen in The Wall Street Journal, sleeping with a partner in the same bed provides an array of health benefits. And it doesn’t stop there.

Some scientists hypothesize that sleeping with a partner may be a prominent reason people in intimate relationships tend to be in better health and live longer than sad and lonely singletons.

Sharing really is caring after all, at least when it comes to your sheets. The new study challenges previous findings that women don’t sleep as well with someone else in their bed and that both sexes move around more when sleeping together.

While this may be true, according to Wendy M. Troxel, an assistant professor of psychiatry and psychology at the University of Pittsburgh, “the psychological benefits we get having closeness at night trump the objective costs of sleeping with a partner.”

So maybe don’t be so quick to f*ck ‘em and chuck ‘em next time, ya feel?

Here’s another reason to love your partner more: Sleeping together promotes feelings of safety and security, which may lower levels of cortisol, a stress hormone.

“Sharing a bed may also reduce cytokines, involved in inflammation, and boost oxytocin, the so-called love hormone that is known to ease anxiety and is produced in the same part of the brain responsible for the sleep-wake cycle,” suggests the WSJ.

Perhaps if you’re feeling anxious before a big exam or presentation, you should give your cuddle-buddy a call — like a booty call 2.0.

And if you’re still single, there’s another reason to feel worse about yourself (no, it’s not about skipping a gym day).

Research also shows that women in stable relationships actually fall asleep faster and wake less frequently than single women or those whose relationship status changed during the study.

So if you’re going to cuddle your man, make sure you hang on tight and don’t let him go! Or else you’ll be single, cranky AND tired.

The science doesn’t stop there though. If you want to really boost your relationship happiness, you and your partner should sleep naked.

It’s fairly intuitive; sleeping naked together builds a sense of closeness and intimacy, which in turn, strengthens your relationship.

A poll of 1,000 Brits revealed that 57 percent of couples who sleep in the nude reported being “extremely happy” in their relationships, while less than half of the PJ-clad reported the same.

The lesson? Even if you ate an entire feast of Chinese food that night, don’t be afraid to take it off. Take it all off.

Basically, science is telling us something we already knew: One really is the loneliest number.

About the Author: Laura Argintar is the Senior Women’s Writer at Elite Daily. Listed among her achievements are performing stand-up, graduating from the U of M and writing for her favorite publications. LARG enjoys covering women’s topics, watching celebrities self-destruct and rising to any occasion. You can find more from her here, or find her on Twitter @LARGTwITS.

Fill out my online form.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

App Store

elf

11 Reasons Why Buddy The Elf Is The Perfect Holiday Date

/in /by

1. Buddy is always optimistic. 

elf
 

2. He admits when he’s done something wrong.

elf
 

3. He plans the perfect holiday dates.

elf 

 

4. Buddy isn’t afraid to get excited. 

elf
 

5. He’s always supportive. elf

 

6. He’s genuinely interested in getting to know you. 

elf
 

7. He will go to great lengths to make sure tasks are accomplished.

elf
 

8. Buddy isn’t afraid of the “L” word….

elf

 

9. …and he isn’t shy to tell people how he feels about you.

elf
 

10. If you’re having a bad day, he is there to give you a hug.

elf

 

11. He’s willing to try new things, even if he’s scared.

elf

 

 ” I think you’re really beautiful and I feel really warm when I’m around you and my tongue swells up.”

kiss-700x393

Cheers to one of the cutest Christmas couples!

Fill out my online form.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

App Store

lasting relationship

5 Ways To Sustain Your Relationship

/in , , /by

According to a research carried out on more than 5000 women by Menshealth.com and Glamour magazine, it was discovered that 26% of women broke up with their boyfriends over too many arguments and conflicts, 18% broke up because there is no chemistry in their relationships, 14% found a better guy, 11%  broke up because the men cheated, 11% broke up when the men would not commit, 9% broke up because the men weren’t a husband material, 3% broke up because of lousy sex.
The research showed that a lot of relationship are breaking up each and every day because of different reasons as can be seen above. In this article, we will be taking a look at how we can sustain our relationships and keep it from breaking up.  Below are some ways you can do that.
1.  Fall in love again
One of the main pillars that keep a relationship strong is love. When there is no love between two people in a dating relationship, breakup is imminent.  The question is, how can you keep the fire of love burning? You need to keep falling in love over and over again. Do the things that attracted you to each other at the beginning of the relationship. Do those things that your partner loves seeing you do and you will keep the fire burning.  The problem with ladies is that, once they are in a relationship with someone, they assumed there is no need to fight for the man’s love again.  That is a very wrong assumption, you need to keep doing what he wants to make him love and respect you the more.
2.  Confront your problems.
There is no relationship that is devoid of conflicts. This is because the two parties involved were raised by different parents, environment, ideology etc. Therefore, there is bound to be differing opinions about things when they come together.  You must learn to confront and solve all these problems and not overlook them.  For example, if you are in a relationship with a man who doesn’t deem it fit to clean his house and just leave everything scattered and you on the other came from a home where everything should be in their proper places.  There will be a problem in your relationship, you need to sit down and educate each other about it.  Another problem that can ensue is the issue of money, if you come from a family where money is not an issue and you get what you need without lifting a finger and you are in a relationship with a guy who does not have it all, you will need to come down to his level to make it work. Therefore,  confronting all the issues in your relationship will clear things up and give you a headway.
3.  Enhance each other’s live
Relationship has gone beyond selfish desires.  You must learn to look for ways you can add value to the life of your partner. What does he or she likes doing? How can you help her/him do it better without much stress? For example, while I was dating my husband, he discovered that I love to browse the internet and write.  He went ahead to buy Internet marketing magazines for me to get more knowledge about the stuff and turn it into a money making business. I started reading and getting ideas on how to start freelance writing online.  Since I love writing and browsing, it was easy for me to turn it into a money making venture and that is what I am doing today.  I still get to do what I love and make money from it.  I don’t see it as a job, but as a hobby and I am able to contribute to the family financially.  That is what I am talking about.  Look for ways to help your partner develop his/her passion and your relationship will grow stronger and stronger.
4.  Respect and Honesty
Being in a relationship with someone does not make you his/her subordinate. It is a mutual thing and you must respect each other’s values, opinions, way of life etc.  You can’t talk down on your partner simply because you are a man.  That is not a good way to show your manliness. Respect should be reciprocal, respect her and she will respect you.  Honesty is another value that you must uphold in your relationship.  Don’t cover up things that can be exposed later and cause problems.  Let your partner know who you are right from the beginning.  There is nothing hidden that will not be revealed, no matter how long it takes.
5.  Care for the other person as much as yourself
Sometimes in a relationship, a partner may be too consumed about his/her need that he will forget to look after the other person.  For a relationship to triumph, you must care for one another. Look out for each other’s interest and guide it jealously.  Don’t be the only focus in the relationship, it takes two people to make a relationship work.
Are you ready to make your relationship work?  Then, follow the points highlighted above and your relationship will keep growing stronger and stronger.

Fill out my online form.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

App Store
Get it on Google Play

iliza shlesinger

Think You Know A Girl’s Idea Of A Perfect Date? Think Again

/in /by

Iliza Shlesinger, winner of season 6 of Last Comic Standing is, in my opinion, the most hilarious woman on the planet. She is blunt, she can be crass, but she is almost always on point. I’ve shown her full length comedy special to several people over the past year that it’s been on Netflix, and I have yet to find a single person, male or female, who doesn’t find her absolutely hysterical. Here’s a snippet of one of her shows at The Laugh Factory that might make you think twice when you’re planning your next date.

Here’s another suggestion: Take your date to one of her shows, or just snuggle up with your date and watch her special “Warpaint” on Netflix. (Bringing a bottle of the best red wine or two probably wouldn’t hurt either.)
If you liked this post, check out 27 Tips From Jenna Marbles To Help You Suck Less At Dating.

Fill out my online form.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

App Store

The Problem With Choice

/in /by

Numerous studies have been conducted on the negative impact of having too many choices. One particularly famous study, conducted by Sheena Iyengar, a professor of business at Columbia University and the author of “The Art of Choosing,” presented customers at a California grocery store with either an assortment of 24 jams or 6 jams. While one would initially assume that the presentaiton of 24 jams would be a much better way to pick out jam since the choices were greater, the results were counter to that assumption. As noted in Alina Tugend’s “Too Many Choices: A Problem that can Paralyze,”
Sixty percent of customers were drawn to the large assortment, while only 40 percent stopped by the small one. But 30 percent of the people who had sampled from the small assortment decided to buy jam, while only 3 percent of those confronted with the two dozen jams purchased a jar.
That particular example is a very commonly known study, and others have been conducted in a wide variety of arenas, including dating and marriage. Counter arguments have been made, but think of every example of when you have had a great variety of choices in front of you requiring a decision. What if you had 100 ice cream flavors, and all seemed quite appealing. The first thought after you taste that ice cream cone probably is going to be “this is good.” But what is the next thought going to be? Probably “I wonder if there was a better flavor…” And so herein lies the great debate about online dating, and I would dare to say also marriage. If you give a mouse a cookie, he’s going to want another person to date. And I know that people are reading this thinking that you can put filters up etc and that all dating sites are different, and that’s fine. But thinking on this the other day, and why divorce rates are so high, I couldn’t help but wonder if the idea of choice in terms of the rise of online dating had anything to do with this other than a debatable correlary. And the great irony of that possibility, considering that the sites are designed to facilitate the process of finding the significant other.
To date, Coffee Meets Bagel is the only site I have encountered whose research actually takes this phenomenon into consideration. The limitation of your date, or ice cream cone, to one a day is unique across the dating arena. Normally as a member you can absolutely set up filters but you are also then at the mercy (I love how I said at the mercy) of those that contact you. As a woman on these sites, to be completely honest, it is a different ballgame. Men are more likely to contact women and if you ask a woman utilizing a dating site how many messages she receives, statistically it is considerably higher than men (John Millwards “Cupid on Trial”). While that could go into a whole other post, the point of the matter is that when you are contacted, and not the one doing the contact-ING, you are presented with choice. A multitude of choices. And when you choose badly, you do blame yourself. When you choose wisely however, the problem that arises is that a pat on the back may not be enough. The lingering “Is the other ice cream better?” question arises.
Now I hear what you’re saying. You’re saying “But Ingrid, what if I have the opportunity to try both Ice Cream flavors and they’re both good. Then what?” Well, that’s a good question. A rare question, but a good question. And the answer is that continues to change as the accessibility of the dating landscape changes. Maybe you chose mint chocolate chip, and for a while things are going great. But then you have an argument with MCC and suddenly Moosetracks doesn’t seem like such a bad choice afterall. The proliferation of the internet in the involvement of dating is an interesting phenomenon. How it plays into peoples’ psyches and the impact of the presentation of choice will continue to change. But the next time you’re out for some ice cream, and by ice cream I mean a date, think about how you got there and all the flavors that didn’t make the cut. Ultimately establishing the logic of your decision-making process may start to become as imperative to dating as knowing you have lactose intolerance.

If you liked this post, check out Where the Sidewalk Ends.

Fill out my online form.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

App Store
Get it on Google Play

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse the site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

OKLearn more