I had the great good fortune to go see Beyonce and Jay-Z on the “On the Run” tour this August in San Francisco and I feel confident saying my life will probably never be the same.  Besides being a lot of fun, putting on a great show, and showcasing a lot of talent, it really did make me think about love and partnership– for Beyonce and Jay-Z, for me, for all of us. Here are the life-long lessons I took from OTR.

1.  Marriage seems hard.

“Loved you more than ever/ More than my own life/ The best part of me I gave you/ It was sacrificed” — Resentment

“Nothing’s perfect, but it’s worth it after fighting through my tears/ And finally you put me first”– Love on Top

Every marriage must have a lot of issues.  I’m not saying I didn’t realize marriage was hard work before I went to this concert.  Obviously, this wasn’t just a Bey/Jay fueled revelation for me that everybody else figured out in second grade.  It seems like some of the things that complicate a marriage should be made easier by their superstardom– Bey and Jay are probably not worried about month-to-month finances, for example, or whose turn it is to take out the trash. But when you make a commitment to stay married to someone you try to stay married to someone forever. That’s the hard part.  Forever, as in, all of the days of your life.  Yes, duh, we all know this.  But if it’s hard for Beyonce and Jay-Z, with all the resources in the world, you better believe it’s going to be hard for you.  It is hard to love someone for a really long time when you don’t have to, you just want to.
Bottom line: You’re going to have to make a choice to stay with your someone– even your “perfect” someone.  You may have to make that choice every damn day.

2.  Every single person on the planet has insecurities, even Beyonce.

“We try to fix something but you can’t fix what you can’t see/ It’s the soul that needs the surgery” — Pretty Hurts

“I just wanna be the kinda girl you like” — Partition

You guys, EVEN BEYONCE HAS INSECURITIES.  Holy crap, have you seen her ass?  That ass is better than all other asses.  How could someone with that ass, and that voice, and that face, ever feel like she needs to pander to any man– even Jay-Z?  There’s no way Beyonce should feel insecure– and neither should you.  Or rather: know that we all feel it.  And if we all feel it, that means that it can’t really be all that important.
Bottom line: Remember that every person on the planet is insecure about something.  Don’t let that dictate your choices.  Get out there in that ass-less body suit and do yo’ thing.

3.  Nothing is sexier than doing what you love most and in being confident in yourself while doing it.

“In the darkest night hour/ I search through the crowd/ Your face is all that I see/ I’ll give you everything” -XO

Partnership is sexy.  And it really seemed like this was a true partnership for both of them.  The entire concert was structured around the two of them as a couple– professionally, personally, even fictionally (for the Bonnie and Clyde set up).  I can only imagine what kind of turn on it must have been for each of them to see the other completely in his and her own element, doing what they love the most.  That kind of personal strength is just about the sexiest thing on the planet.
Bottom line: Find and follow your passion.  This will always make you sexy.

4.  Heartbreak can creatively fuel you.

“You’re all my nights, don’t know what to do/ I can’t get no rest, can’t get no sleep” -Mine

First of all, I’m not going to speculate on whatever may be happening in the Carters’ marriage.  (But I will say that I don’t want to live in a world where they’re not married, so figure it out, kids.)  But so many of Bey’s songs in her last album touched on troubles or heartbreak or pain that it’s not a leap to assume that these are real feelings she’s gone/is going through– and she’s using them to fuel herself in the most productive way possible.  Having gone through a recent heartbreak, one of those awesome “can’t sleep/can’t eat/convulsive cry when a stupid Katy Perry song comes on the radio and then all of a sudden you’re crying because you’re the type of woman who cries at Katy Perry songs, oh my God, no,” I know that the creative potential of pain is not what you’re thinking about when you’re hurting.  But if everything in life were smooth sailing, where would be the creative spark for anything?
Bottom line: It didn’t kill you and you will be stronger for it.  Try to use it to push yourself.

5.  When all else fails, dance.

“Up in the club, we just broke up/ Doing my own little thing” – Single Ladies

Shake your ass and have a good time because what else are you gonna do?  In love, out of love, try to have a good time with yourself.  I dance like Elaine from Seinfeld, little kicks included, but I give no shits because I dance for myself and not because I’m trying to be sexy.  Dancing is about how you feel and not how you look– although Queen Bey looked damn good doing it.
Bottom line: No regrets about pulling out my ass-shakin’ moves at this concert because it was so damn fun.

An extra thing I learned: A $50 tee-shirt is not, in fact, a rip off when it brings you immense amounts of joy.  It’s also not a rip-off when you figure out a way to wear it under a blazer to work every week.

If neither Beyonce nor Jay-Z’s music is your thing (it’s like I don’t even know you!) you might check out these need-to-know songs for anyone looking for love.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

Remember when phones were for calling people? Check out Buzzfeed’s latest on dating now vs. the 90s.
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