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star wars speed dating

The Dark Side: Speed Dating Star Wars Style

October 23, 2014/in For Him, Funny & Videos, Uncategorized /by Guest Blogger

As far as I’m concerned, it’s a crime against humanity to not like Star Wars. We found this funny video of what it would be like to speed date all of your favorite Star Wars characters (though I would personally have liked to go on a date with Yoda… is that weird?). Chewbacca actually seems like a fun guy to date, if only I could understand him. Watch the video below and get a glimpse of what dating might have been like aboard the Death Star.

If you liked this post, check out What My First Date Outfit Say About You.


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About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members
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meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to
find something real with little or no effort.

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Dick pic

Dick Pics: What Makes Men Think We Want Them?

October 15, 2014/in Funny & Videos /by Guest Blogger

Have you ever received a dick pic over the internet, through a dating app or via text message? If you have a smart phone, or even just use the Internet, there’s a good chance you’ve been either the sender or recipient of at least one dick pic (though hopefully not through Coffee Meets Bagel!) As a woman who has zero interest in such visual communication, I’ve always been wildly perplexed, and at times angered, by just the thought of such pictures being presented to me unsolicited.  Most ladies I know react by exclaiming something along the lines of “Why!? Just, Why?!?!” Amen, sisters; so that is exactly what we asked one serial dick pic sender: Why? In his candid response below, he shares his (pretty controversial) point of view on this ridiculous phenomenon. So ladies and gents, what do you think? Comment your thoughts below!


I’m a guy who sends dick pics. Now, you’ve probably already labeled me as a skeezeball in your head, but I want you to reconsider because of this fact:

I’ve probably sent them to a dozen women, and I’ve never gotten a complaint. In fact, I usually get a nude in return.

See, dick pics are more misunderstood than a half-man living in King’s Landing. There is a wide spectrum of phallic photography, and believe it or not they can actually be classy, appreciated, and cause a woman to be aroused.
 
That’s because dick pics are as eclectic as sushi. 
 
There’s gasoline store sushi and there’s Omakase-style sushi. (Hint: Definitely take women on dates involving the latter.)
 
You wouldn’t call sushi a “filthy” food just because most sushi is sold at the grocery or gasoline store, would you? Well, dick pics are similar, and they only get a bad rap because of the grocery-store kind.

The Anatomy of An Unappreciated Pic

 
Let’s start with the unappreciated type of dick pic and why guys send them. To illustrate this, we’ll use a guy named Dick. (Fitting, no?)
 
You see, Dick is a bro. That means that he drinks lots of beer, was in a frat, has a high genetic predisposition to pop his collar and – more relevantly – isn’t very understanding of the female mind. 
 
For example, Dick doesn’t realize that by cat calling a woman on the street, he has a snowball’s chance in hell of hooking up with her. He also doesn’t understand that within a professional setting, complimenting a woman’s her looks, rather than her merit, is incredibly demeaning.
 
Dick is not necessarily a bad guy; he just thinks that women and men think similarly, because Dick has little empathy or emotional intelligence when it comes to women.
 
How does this relate to dick pics?

Dick doesn’t understand the difference between the way that men and women think differently about sexual organs. 
 
See, Dick loves breasts, and with good reason. Breasts are soft, round, smooth, and it’s quite difficult to get a stranger to send you pictures of them. Like most men, getting pictures of a stranger’s breasts would make Dick’s month.
 
It only makes sense to someone like Dick that women view penises the same way that men view breasts. He thinks that pictures of penises will leave women frothing at the gash, but he couldn’t be more wrong.
 
In contrast to breasts, the penis is absolutely disgusting looking. Really. It’s veinous, long, and looks like a sausage and bodybuilder got married and had a baby. A really fat, bald, ugly, baby.
And, unlike with women, the number of men that are willing to “drop trou” to snap a cock selfie on the Internet are about as abundant as cat memes.
The end result? Dick thinks that his penis is seductive, like a worm being cast into a sea of fish. In reality, he’s not even going to get a nibble.

The Anatomy of an Appreciated Dick Pic

 
Now that we understand the mentality behind sending an unappreciated picture of your wang, let’s talk about the other end of the spectrum – the appreciated dick pic.
Here’s the secret.
It’s not the picture of a hard dick that turns women on. It’s the thought of a hard dick that turns women on.
In particular, it’s the thought that the woman was involved in that penis’s arousal that turns them on. Usually, that only happens if there is some sort of pre-existing sexual relationship (i.e. not a complete stranger) between wang’s owner and the woman.
This makes sense. Men can be aroused by purely physical intimacy, and women sometimes require a certain non-physical finesse, such as making sure that they’re comfortable, or that they’ve known the man long enough. (Sometimes this may be for safety concerns.)
If you have a close relationship with a woman, the dick-pic-arousal factors may be even more meta: a woman may get turned on that you’re turned on by sending it. Or that you trust her enough to send her a dick pic.

So, men, do it right.

Trading nudes, even dick pics, can be a respectable, classy behavior; every couple is free to express their sexuality through technology.
Many women actually love dick pics, but you need to make sure these women are respected in the process and understand that they are the key to your arousal. (Protip: You might [always]* want to ask her before you send it.)
So guys, please, serve a woman Omakase sushi, not gasoline sushi.
You might just get dessert in return.
*Editor’s discretion

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This Turned Into a Post About Poop

October 3, 2014/in Funny & Videos /by Guest Blogger

Things you really probably shouldn’t talk about on a first date:
Holding in a poop feels so good:
This should really be talked about only with the closest of friends, or maybe if you get drunk with your parents sometime. They’ve seen you poop, and been pooping longer than you, so naturally they’ve considered the subject many times. I think about this mostly at work when I’m trying really hard to finish that report I’ve been working on for days and the bathroom seems like the one thing that will break my groove. I’m not saying I poop my pants at work, but I am saying I understand if you are someone who does.
Farting in front of each other is okay:
An obvious follow-up to number one, come one people. How are you going to each eat a heaping mound of pad thai and then say silent about it the rest of the night. You and your partner should be able to relish in the moment and recognize the beauty of letting gas go when it needs to. First date farting should be encouraged as an icebreaker. If your date happens to be vegan (from experience) those farts are pretty darn putrid, so hang in there.
Being naked:
I realize we’ve evolved or whatever, but is it the worst idea to bring some things from the past back? Throwback thursday to when everyone was naked pre-forbidden fruit incident. I have a strong no clothes policy in my bed that my bagel is still getting used to. Body heat people! Plus, feeling comfy with your body ain’t no joke. It is quite important in any relationship, especially the one with yourself.
Dogs are better than people:
Have you ever felt like you should have just gone to the animal shelter instead of on a date and it would have made you feel all the things you want a date to make you feel? Yeah me too, because dogs rule and love unconditionally, and I strive to be more and more like a dog everyday. I almost gave up and bought a dog because of the dating pool out there. I would have had a pup for all the wrong reasons, so I’m glad this bagel came along. Everyday I try to pretend I’m a dog when he gets home, like I haven’t seen him for years. Dogs are onto something there. Treat everyone like you’ve been missing them your whole life, and you will get that love right back…(and maybe snacks too)!
Bottom Line:
THE MARK OF A GREAT RELATIONSHIP using this as a guideline is one where you can comfortably discuss dog poop, human poop and poop schedules. Pooping is like vision, we all assume it’s the same for everyone, but what if we are wrong again? What if there is much more to be flushed out here? I like a partner who can accept that I am a functioning human who poops, and I like thinking about my partner’s amazing body dispelling all the waste and leaving the goods for me :)
If you liked all the poop talk, check out mah girl from SF droppin’ knowledge
Also CMB really works people, I’m still seeing my bagel, plenty of schmear in our future:


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About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

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Mean Girls October 3 Cady Heron Aaron Samuels

My Breasts Can Always Tell When… It’s October 3rd!

October 2, 2014/in Funny & Videos /by Guest Blogger

It’s October 3rd! Need I say more? Since 2004, October 3rd became one of the most celebrated days in cinema history. Here at CMB, we plan on celebrating this day with a dedication to Mean Girls and by wearing pink (even though it isn’t a Wednesday). Thank you Mean Girls for a decade of laughs, drama, and enough quotes to last us a lifetime!

mean girls october 3mean girls october 3

 

Thank you to Gretchen Weiners for being the Princess of Toaster Strudel and for summarizing Julius Caesar for those of us who never read it. 

mean girls gretchen weiners

mean girls gretchen weiners

 

Thank you Karen Smith for your psychic boobs, your blunt curiosity, and teaching girls about ESPN. 

mean girls karen smith

mean girls karen smith

mean girls karen smith

 

Thank you Janis Ian for your sensational come-backs and sarcasm.

mean girls janis ian

mean girls janis ian

 

Thank you Damian for using the girls bathroom and never holding back the truth. 

mean girls damian

mean girls damian

 

Thank you Glenn Coco for being you. 

mean girls glenn coco

 

 

Thank you Mr. Duvall for leaving the South Side. 

mean girls mr. duvall

 

Thank you Mrs. George for your impeccable choreography and for encouraging safe sex. 

mean girls mrs. george

mean girls mrs. george

 

Thank you Regina George for crushing dreams and making everyone’s life a living hell. 

mean girls regina george

mean girls regina george

 

Thank you Kevin G. for being a mathlete, don’t let the haters stop you from doing your thang.

mean girls kevin G

 

Thank you Coach Carr for teaching us all we need to know about sex. 

mean girls coach carr

 

Thank you army pants and flip-flop girl for having a heavy flow.

mean girls heavy flow

 

Thank you Cady’s mom for teaching us the fertility rituals of the Ndebele tribe. 

mean girls cadys mom

 

Thank you Jason for asking. 

mean girls jason

 

Thank you for being from Michigan. 

mean girls michigan

 

Thank you Mrs. Norbury for being a pusher.

mean girls tina fey

mean girls tina fey

Thank you hick kids for teaching us world history. 

mean girls third day

Thank you Rainbow and Smiles girl for having a lot of feelings. 

mean girls rainbows and smiles

 

Thank you to the Plastics for creating the Wednesday Rule. 

mean girls on wednesday we wear pink

what-rules-do-the-plastics-live-by-698489475-feb-13-2013-1-600x500

 

Thank you for making out with a hot dog.

mean girls hotdog

 

Thank you Aaron Samuels for looking sexy with your hair pushed back. 

mean girls aaron samuels

 

 

Thank you Cady Heron for teaching us important math skills and for having a terrible flaw.

mean girls cady heron

mean girls cady heron

 

Thank you burn book for holding all the secrets of North Shore High School and being a legendary piece of literature. 

mean girls burn book

 

Lastly, thank you Coffee Meets Bagel users for celebrating October 3rd with us! 

mean girls love ya

 

Did you enjoy this post? Why not check out another post by Lily called Bend and Snap: Elle Woods Guide to Dating Confidence. 


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About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

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My Dating Playlist

September 30, 2014/in Date Tips, Funny & Videos /by Guest Blogger

Let’s be honest: sometimes the idea of going on another date, meeting up with yet another guy, getting your smile on and pretending you’re way more into somebody than you actually feel, is just exhausting.  (Or, I mean, meeting someone with whom you have a genuine connection…or whatever…what are dates like for you?)
But for those days when it’s hard, I like to keep a couple of go-to songs on hand to get me pumped up.  These are songs that put me in a good mood, make me feel cool (which I’m really, really, not) and make me feel like a good version of me– the version of me I want to present to this other person.  That is, mostly myself.  Only better.  Cooler. Funnier.  More lovable.
I’m asking a lot from this playlist, but I think it still does the trick.  Maybe it’ll help you, too. (You can listen on Spotify by clicking on the titles.)

1. “Hold Tight”– Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich

I first heard this song during Tarantino’s short film, “Death Proof,” and while it didn’t work out so well for the ladies in the film (RIP Butterfly and Jungle Julia), it has made it onto my “pump me up” playlist.
Between the thrumming baseline and gratuitous tambourine usage, this song really does it for me.

Most dateable lyrics: “Hold tight, shut your eyes/Girl, you suit me for size/ Forget the other guys/ You’ll never fall each time you call/ Hold tight, hold tight, hold tight.”

2. “Anything Could Happen”– Ellie Goulding

Because sometimes you need to be reminded, over and over and over again, that anything really could happen.  You might like this guy. You might one day love this guy! Or maybe he’ll just buy you a mediocre dinner and you’ll save your Netflix at least one night of hard usage.

Most dateable lyrics: “Anything could happen” x 100, approximately.

3. “Don’t Worry Baby”– The Beach Boys

This song takes me back to my childhood.  A simpler time.  I time when I believed that there was every chance I’d marry Harrison Ford and cruise the galaxies with him and Chewie in the Millennium Falcon, listening to this song.  A time when I believed that romance was easy and uncomplicated and populated by Wookiees.  (The last one isn’t entirely wrong, I guess.)  It’s that optimism this song evokes for me and I want to take that with me on my dates.

Most dateable lyrics: “She makes me come alive/ And makes me wanna drive.” Because the height of romance is drag racing!

4. “Power”– Kanye West

Ok, I’m not sure that there’s anything justifiably romantic about this song. Or Kanye West, in general.  But love him or hate him (and honestly, I can see both sides of the argument as far as Yeezus is concerned) the man makes interesting music.  I’m not sure I’m 100% on board with the lyrics of this song or their message, but if you sit back and cruise, this song is damn good.

Most dateable lyric: “I guess every superhero need his theme music.” Really stretching for this one.

5. “Love Child”– Diana Ross and the Supremes

Always, always, always, always use protection. Also, I’m pretty sure it’s a law of the universe that you can’t sing along to this song and be in a bad mood.

Most dateable lyrics: “Don’t think that I don’t need ya/ Don’t think I don’t want to please ya.”

6. “I Am Not a Robot”– Marina and the Diamonds

One of my all-time favorites and a great reminder to everyone– we are not robots.  We are looking for connection and love– all of us, whether or not we realize it. And we are worthy of that connection and love, we just have to be open to it.  So get out there and let that strange man buy you dinner!

Most dateable lyrics: “I’m vulnerable, I’m vulnerable/ I am not a robot/ You’re lovable, so lovable/ But you’re just troubled.”

P.S. You have no idea how hard it was not to just make all of these Beyonce songs.  All of them.
If you enjoyed this, check out my article on 5 Things the “On the Run Tour” Taught Me About Love.
About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

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Long Term Desire

Can You Want The One You Already Have? The Secret To Long Term Desire

September 25, 2014/in Funny & Videos /by Guest Blogger

“I want you to be my best friend, and my trusted confidant and my passionate lover to boot, and we live twice as long [as we ever have].”
Have you ever thought about how much we ask of our partners? In her TED Talk, Psychologist Esther Perel sheds some light on the difference between love and desire, why our imaginations are so important to a lasting, passionate relationship, and why we have got to stop asking our partners to do the work of a whole village.

Via: Esther Perel and TED.

Did you like this post? Check out 6 Times So You Think You Can Dance Totally Nailed How It Feels To Fall In Love for more advice.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

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hot online dating profile

16 Flaws Men Will Ignore On A Hot Girl's Dating Profile

September 25, 2014/in Funny & Videos /by Guest Blogger

It’s nothing personal, dudes, but it appears that you may be a little bit less, errr… picky than the ladies? I mean, if ladies who talk negatively about their supportive parents, hate “the news,” and don’t brush their teeth are what you’re into, then by all means, go for it. But, something tells me the majority of men wouldn’t ask a woman on a second date if she had shared her affinity for “farting on homeless people” on their first date. Don’t let your nether-region’s reaction to those bathing suit pics choose your bagels for you, gents! (However, I think it’s safe to say none of us lady bagels are quite like UrMomKissesLikeUrDad).

All we’re saying is to give all your bagels a fair chance, and maybe don’t tolerate a girl who lists “keeping america white” under her likes just because you think she’s hot, because racism is not hot at all.
Via: Cracked.

Did you like this post? Check out 27 Tips From Jenna Marbles To Help You Suck Less At Dating for more advice.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

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online dating isn't weird

Online Dating Is Only Weird Because You're Making It Weird

September 18, 2014/in Funny & Videos /by Guest Blogger

I won’t lie, when people first started online dating in the early 2000’s, it was a bit weird. However, this was during the days when most people were convinced that everyone on the Internet was secretly a serial killer, and now, 14 years later, we know that isn’t even remotely true. Online dating isn’t weird anymore, and Gaby Dunn is here to tell you why.

Via: BuzzFeed Check out more from Gaby Dunn on her website, YouTube Channel and Twitter!

Did you like this post? Check out If The Character On “Friends” Were On Coffee Meets Bagel for more advice.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

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Casey and Jessica

6 Times So You Think You Can Dance Totally Nailed How It Feels To Fall In Love

September 11, 2014/in Funny & Videos /by Guest Blogger

This summer I got completely addicted to season 11 of the television show “So You Think You Can Dance.” For those of you who have been living under a rock, SYTYCD is like American Idol but for dancers, except, in my opinion, AI keeps gets worse every season, and SYTYCD keeps getting better.  This season was full of amazing dancers and choreographers (though, as you’ll see, I am clearly partial to Travis Wall’s work). Every week I had a new favorite piece that I would fangirl over until the next week’s episode.
What I love so much about dance, and about this show, is the dancers’ abilities to really make you feel something just through the movement of their bodies. There is so much that can be said, so many stories that can be told, and so many different emotions that can be evoked through dance. Obviously, here at CMB we are partial to the emotion of love (but, really, who isn’t?), and there were plenty of numbers in this past season that were all about falling in love and all those crazy emotions that come with it. So here is a list of six of my favorites. I think I’ve watched the first one over 100 times since it aired in August, but they are all amazing. Be warned, these dancers WILL give you goosebumps.

1. Jessica and Casey, Choreographed by Travis Wall

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCeA-jrLYws

Music: Like Real People Do by Hozier

2. Valerie and Zack, Choreographed by Anthony Morigerato

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkrBAa3jshY

Music: Sing by Ed Sheeran

3. Carly and Serge, Choreographed by Travis Wall

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICXa7_cM3YE

Music: Latch (Acoustic) by Sam Smith

4. Ricky and Valerie, Choreographed by Travis Wall

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFsOx2QI_4s

Music: Oh Darling by Gossling

5. Emily and Casey, Choreographed by Travis Wall

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g57TXCh42Yc

Music: All Of Me by John Legend

6. Valerie and Ricky, Choreographed by Spencer Liff

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0b1k937J4M

Music: I’ve Got The World On A String by Frank Sinatra

For those of you who are curious, Ricky (the cute short guy with the beard) took home the title of “America’s Favorite Dancer” at the end of the season. Valerie was the runner up and Jessica and Zack were the other two semi-finalists. All of these dancers astound me; their dedication to the art form, their amazing technique, and their psychical strength make me wish my mom had forced me to take dance classes as a kid.
All videos via FOX.

If you liked this post, check out Five Things Beyonce’s “On The Run” Concert Taught Me About Love.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

App Store

 

Jenna Marbles What?

27 Tips From Jenna Marbles To Help You Suck Less At Dating

September 11, 2014/in Funny & Videos /by Guest Blogger

1) She might be crass, but she’s here to help you.

My name's Jenna and I'm here to help you suck less!

2) Don’t wallow in self pity about being single.

No one wants to date me. Boo-fuckin-hoo.

3) …because you’re awesome.

so awesome

4) Everyone has had a good cry over Adele, but it’s probably not a good idea to call your ex and cry-sing it to them.

We love stalking eachother

5) It’s always good to set goals for yourself.

The goal is to make him wanna make it rain on that ass.

6) Prince Charming does not exist, stop looking for him.

Disney movies also taught me...

7) Put yourself out there, don’t be afraid of rejection.

Aren't that many girls willing to put themselves out there

8) This. Just, this.

Stop comparing yourself

9) Ask and you shall receive. 

Let's bang

10) …but when you’re confused, just take a moment to think it over.

Can I just stare at you until I figure it out?

11) Boys are exasperating, take a deep breath and move on.

exasperation

12) Simplicity is key.

I like you. You like me. Let's go.

13) Don’t discriminate.

equality for all

14) Come up with some killer pick up lines.

pick up line 1

pick up line 2

pick up line 3

15) Demand attention when you’re expressing yourself.

trying to confess my love

16) What she said.

stop forcing

17) Accept the fact that everyone is a creep.

We love stalking eachother

18) Being lady-like is overrated.

A couple month's ago...

Show me you're dick

19) Hating on other girls is a waste of time.

Girls hate each other for no reason!

20) So don’t waste any time.

Hey I like you!

21) Know that you are a beautiful lady unicorn.

Girls are majestic creatures.

22) Take advantage of the knowledge that comes with having a vagina.

You can't learn that in school.

23) No one ever has anything to wear, you’ll figure it out.

I have nothing to wear!!!

24) It’s okay to be confused.

I can't tell if...

25) Put your phone down.

texting

26) Normality is overrated, find someone who loves you for the weirdo you are. 

I'm normal, I swear...

27) And most importantly, STOP CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU.

I have literally never given a fuck

So now that Jenna Marbles has imparted her wisdom on you, go out there and…

work bitch.

If you liked this post, check out 5 Struggles Only Single People Will Understand.


Fill out my online form.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB  is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

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