I guess one could say that the last couple of weeks of mine have been hectic when it comes to my dating life but it was worth it. In the world of online dating, messaging is what bridges the gap between seeing someone’s profile and going out on a date with them. Unfortunately, for one reason or another, many of us men don’t always end up achieving the success we would like to when messaging women. To understand how to better our chances, and also to get some dates, I messaged thirty women on an online dating site using the following five approaches: aggressive, passive, cheesy, inquisitive, and informal. For example, I messaged six women with an aggressive approach, six woman with a passive approach, and so on. This post includes the five key ways I changed the way I message women after analyzing my interactions, as well as, examples of each approach that was used.

1. The beginning of the conversation is the time to find common ground in order to establish a connection

In the beginning, be funny, ask a question, and pay attention to the details. Let the conversation flow naturally from the initial message but keep in mind that the point of the interaction is for it to lead to a date.

2. Demonstrate that you took the time to read her profile by mentioning an interest of hers

Within the first three to four messages mention something that has to do with the details within their profile that you actually have an interest in. In addition, doing this when it is time to ask her out on a date will absolutely help your chances.

3. If she doesn’t respond to your first message within 48 hours then send an engaging question that she can’t help but answer

Sending one follow up message is a good idea because it shows that you are seriously interested in her but do your best to not come off pushy or aggressive.

4. Suggest a date immediately after receiving a positive response from her

The most success I experienced when suggesting a date was seen immediately after receiving a positive response from her. If you made her ‘lol’ and the conversation has exceeded 4 exchanges then go ahead and ask! Definitely do not let the conversation pass around 7 messaging exchanges before mentioning the date. After 7 exchanges the average conversation tends to lose its muster.

5. End the conversation shortly after making plans for a date 

Shortly after you ask her out on a date is an ideal time to end the conversation because momentum plays a big role during the early stages of dating. By doing this you eliminate the opportunity for the conversation to lose its appeal and close out the conversation on a high note.

Examples and Main Takeaways of Each Approach Used 

1. Cheesy

Main Takeaway: Being cheesy experienced zero success. No cheese please.

2. Aggressive

 

Main Takeaway: Being aggressive the whole time while messaging someone will end up turning most people away. Instead be aggressive only when it is appropriate. For example, when asking to go on a date.

3. Passive

Main Takeaway: This did receive some responses but give the person you message something to work with.

4. Informal

Main Takeaway: Being informal experienced zero success.

5. Inquisitive

Main Takeaway: Use questions to start the conversation and to keep it going but don’t be excessive, got it? Are you sure? How about now?

Did you enjoy this post? Then check out We Tested 11 Different Male Profile Pictures and This Is What Happened!

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a dating app designed with women in mind. Founded by 3 sisters in 2012 in NYC, CMB aims to deliver a fun, safe, and quality dating experience that results in meaningful relationships.