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The ONE Profile Picture You Cannot Do Without.

October 15, 2014/in Date Tips, For Her, For Him /by Guest Blogger

“Make sure you have a wide range of pictures to show your personality!”
Probably something you’ve heard before.
I don’t know… the concept of the picture checklist –

a social picture to show that you’re not a shut-in
an outdoorsy picture to show your sense of adventure
an activity picture to show your physical fitness, etc.

– is so… 2011, for lack of a better term.
Now that online dating is slightly out of its infancy, we’ve learned a little bit more about what actually works and what doesn’t.
And what works in terms of your profile pictures? All things equal, you only need to one picture on your checklist– attractive pictures of yourself.
The simple truth is that handsome and attractive beats active/funny/other positive adjective 98% of the time.
I’ve never heard a woman say “WHOA that guy has a picture of himself with 2 friends, I’m quivering.” or “OMG that guy hikes? Sending him my number ASAP.”

Read more from Patrick at Patrick King Consulting, and check out his best-selling CMB-focused online dating book on Amazon.
What you DO hear is just variations on “Whoa, that guy is HOT.”
So don’t worry about putting a picture of you traveling, eating food, being social with friends, hiking, other things that you think a woman might want to see you do (okay maybe have one with a puppy, even I can’t resist those).
Too many times I see people trying to pander to this checklist, which typically results in sweaty-ass, unattractive pictures in hiking gear. If they happen to be during an activity or event, all the better, but don’t focus on that aspect. Just show yourself in the most handsome light possible.
If you don’t have any on hand, grab a couple of different shirts, promise a friend that owns a DSLR a pizza, and head out to the park for a quick photo shoot. There’s nothing wrong with putting a tiny bit of effort into your profile pictures – it’s just smart.
Of course, feel free to have a little variety in your attractive pictures. Don’t stand in the same pose and use pictures from the same angle every time a la Zoolander’s Blue Steel. But the world we live in is a shallow one, and let’s embrace it by using our most attractive pictures. Next up, that pesky profile.
P.S. What about the shirtless selfie?! Just say no. If you’ve got a rockin’ bod, there are so many more tasteful ways that you can showcase it.
For more on how to create a great dating profile, contact me!

If you liked this post, check out The Purely Functional First Message.

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About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

Meet a Real-Life Bachelor: Dave Gutierrez

October 15, 2014/in For Her /by Guest Blogger

Remember that post I wrote about So-Cal bros? Well, Dave isn’t one of them.
Even though his last name is a nightmare to spell and pronounce, he’s a good guy.
If you’re into witty banter, coffee shops, and peanut M&M’s — you’ll love Dave.

Age: 34
Occupation: Program Manager, Sony Network Entertainment
Interests: My interests are a little all over the place. I’m a writer. I’ve been playing drums for 25 years and have bounced around in a couple bands. I do a little spoken word here and there. I’m just getting into acting and was cast in my first play recently. It’s a totally new adventure for me and I’m having a blast doing it.
If I’m not working or doing something creative, I like to get out and be active – hiking, mountain biking, or going for a long ride on my motorcycle.

WHAT DO YOU WISH MORE WOMEN UNDERSTOOD ABOUT MEN?

While I tend to object to the idea of men being simple in the “stupid caveman” sense, I do think more women need to know that on a communication level – men are painfully straightforward. We’re fixers. We’re logical. Even the neurotic ones (which I can tend towards) are neurotic because we’re being overly logical.
So, if you want something from a guy – be it a date, an answer, a foot rub, or anything – just ask for it.
Don’t hint.
Don’t imply.
Ask. Clearly.
At our core – at least for the good dudes out there – we want to please. We want you to be happy. We are just genuinely in the dark in how to do it a lot of the time. If you make it clear for us, we will go to great lengths to achieve it. We’ll climb mountains and slay dragons. We just need a little help to know which mountains and which dragons.

WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU COULD UNDERSTAND BETTER ABOUT WOMEN?

I want to know why so many women get in their own way when it comes to love.
It’s staggering to me how many women I have been friends with or dated that find a good guy with all kinds of potential – and their go-to move is to analyze all the reasons they shouldn’t give it a shot. Maybe it will ruin the friendship. Maybe it will be weird for their ex-boyfriend/girlfriend. Maybe your best friend already called dibs. Maybe you’ll be taller than him in heels. Maybe maybe maybe…
Maybe just stop.
Because maybe it will all work out. Maybe it will be amazing. Maybe it will be the best relationship you ever had. And even if it isn’t – better to have given it an honest shot than to have cut it off at the knees just for the sake of a bunch of unlikely maybes, right?

WHAT IS YOUR APPROACH TO DATING?

I don’t know that I have an approach. Could be that’s part of why I am single – beyond the fact that a part of me really likes being single. If I meet someone and think I like them, I’ll ask them out and see where it goes. Sometimes that may be one date, a short romance, or a long term relationship.
I like to think I’ve gotten my season of hooking up or directionless dating done with. That said, I’m not longing to find a wife either. I tend to live in one of two extremes: overly intentional or completely aloof.

HAVE YOU ONLINE DATED?

I have.

WHAT DID YOU LIKE/DISLIKE ABOUT IT?

There’s no denying the convenience of it. It’s nice to be able to pick someone, strike up a conversation and set up a date all from my desk or couch or wherever I happen to be.
On the flip side, I’m learning that dating and relationships are at their best when they’re organic – when they evolve from acquaintance to friend to dating to wherever it goes. Online dating expedites the process and plays into our superficial sides. No matter how much personality one tries to put into their profile, it’s going to come down to “do I think this person is physically attractive” every time.
Don’t get me wrong – attraction is absolutely key in a relationship. But we need to be careful of what we are letting ourselves deem “attractive” – if it’s solely, or even primarily, a person’s outside aesthetic, then I think we have a problem.

WHAT IS YOUR STRATEGY TO GET A GIRL’S NUMBER?

I’ve never been scared of talking to girls – or anyone for that matter. If I think a girl looks good, I’ll tell her. If I like what she’s wearing, I’ll tell her. If I want her number, I’ll ask for it. If I want to take her out, I’ll call her.
This isn’t to say that I don’t get rejected with this approach. I do. Plenty. But the reality of rejection isn’t nearly as painful as the perception of it. And it has a remarkably short half-life.

DO YOU LIKE WHEN A GIRL ASKS YOU OUT, PLANS A DATE, OR PAYS FOR DINNER?

I am totally flattered when a girl asks me out. I largely consider myself a feminist, and I’m naturally attracted to strong personalities. A girl that is willing to come after me is already starting out with some bonus points.
Same goes for planning dates. I’m a sucker for that kind of stuff. I’m a big planner. I think it shows a girl you respect her and her time when you show up with a plan – and hopefully one that goes beyond dinner and a movie. So when a girl turns the tables on me and plans the date – it knocks me back a little bit, in a good way.
As for the paying, this is where I get a little old-fashioned. I have a hard time letting the girl pay. I don’t know what it is, but I just struggle with it. Unless it’s my birthday. You can pay for me on my birthday.

WHAT NON-PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS DO YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE?

Humor. Hands down. When guys say that, it usually means he wants a girl that thinks he’s funny, but that’s not the case with me. I want a girl that makes me laugh. That sees the humor in everything. A girl that just naturally looks for the joke in the conversation. Life is wildly unpredictable, and even unfair – if you aren’t coming at it with a good sense of humor then I probably won’t want to go through it with you.
Beyond that, intelligence. A girl that is bright, well-read and aware of the world around her. That has her opinions on issues, art, faith, and culture and can back up those opinions. Oh man. That is all kinds of sexy.

DEAL BREAKERS?

Self-centeredness. It usually doesn’t take long in a relationship to figure out if someone is all about themselves. And it’s such a turnoff.

WHAT IS YOUR GO-TO DATE?

You never do the same date twice. That’s cheating. And in San Diego, there’s always a new date to go on. That said, I do like Hotel Del Coronado. They have a killer bar, outdoor patio, the beach, some funky shops to wander. It’s kinda foolproof.
There’s an old screenwriting adage that says something like, “Remember, it’s a movie – you can do anything.” I tend to feel like that with dating. You can do anything.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN SOULMATES?

Not really, no. I love the idea of it, but I think I believe in commitment more. My parents were married when they were 16 and 19 and they’ve been married 43 years now. I have aunts and uncles married 20 years, cousins married 10 years and friends married just a couple years. And nowhere in any of those marriages do I see the idea of “soulmates” carrying them through the hard times. I see commitment, communication, selflessness and relentless love. I see whole lot of hard work.
I guess that’s what I want more than a soulmate – somebody real to do the hard work with.
But we can call all that hard work “soulmates” – it sounds better.

If you like Dave, go ahead and stalk him on Twitter or Instagram.
If you don’t like Dave, tell your sarcastic friend about him instead.

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About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

3 Ways To Get Your Crush To Message You Back

October 8, 2014/in Date Tips, For Her, For Him /by Guest Blogger

Often with online dating, we wait to message someone because we are hunting for the perfect opener. An hour goes by… then a day… then a couple more… and then, wait! Is it too late to message now? Cue the wallowing in self-pity and hail Mary message that reeks of panic and desperation.
Analysis paralysis is very real in online dating.
While there are highly-optimized and better message options than the “Hey” “Sup bb” and “how r u”s of the world (Refer to my CMB book or contact me for more detail, of course), there is never going to be a message or opener that will live up to the expectations that you are placing on it. It’s something I run into with my clients constantly – they want to intrigue, attract, charm, seduce, and stand out all in one first message to their intended paramours. This is natural, because we know that online dating is a numbers game to some extent, and you have to make the biggest impact you can in the shortest amount of time possible. But in reality, those messages end up being so twisted and contrived that they are tossed by the wayside and have a far lower success rate than you’d think. So how exactly should you write your first message, and what should you be aiming to do with it?
It’s simple. Dial back your expectations and don’t try to be Don Juan and Fabio rolled up into one message. Your first message has one singular purpose – to get a reply.
This falls squarely in the gray area between “Hi bb” and a novella with an intro, thesis, and conclusion. Whether you want to accomplish that by…:
(1) commenting on a common interest – Favorite Coachella performance? I can never get over Daft Punk in ’07.
(2) asking about a regional event – Did you brave that ramen festival over the weekend? Longest lines ever.
(3) relating a mini-story about how her dog reminds you of your own dog food – The first time I took my dog to the beach, he stayed in the water for 3 hours straight… are our dogs related?
… that’s up to you. But see how those 3 openers are pretty much as organic a way to begin a conversation as the medium allows, and relatively short? Remember, people look for personal connections through online dating, just as they do in real life. Now that we’ve got our first message taken care of, click over to find out exactly how to message to ask her out!
Read more from Patrick at Patrick King Consulting, and check out his best-selling CMB-focused online dating book on Amazon.

Fill out my online form.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

4 Proven Steps to take when you Love someone who doesn’t love you back

October 6, 2014/in For Her /by Guest Blogger

Helen got a lucrative job in a prestigious company as a Secretary. She was on a lunch break one day, when she saw a young, handsome and tall man. She just liked him immediately. She later discovered that he works in the same office with her. From then on, she decided to get to know more about John. She got to know that John was an eligible bachelor with no relationship in the offing. She tried to get close to John during lunch breaks, but he seems not to notice her or come close to her. He did not know what was going on in Helen’s mind. Helen was devastated and did not know what to do…
Human beings are created to love and be loved. This is why it hurts when your love is not returned. Nothing can be disheartening and disappointing as to love a man who doesn’t love you back. However, it is a situation that many women have had to go through. Some of them gave up when the guy in question did not understand their intent and some pursued the cause to fruition. In this article, I will be looking at what you can do when you find yourself in such a situation.
Loving someone who does not love you back is not something to be ashamed of. It is part of life and should be treated as one of those things one has to go through in life. Having said this, I will highlight four (4) things you can do. However, if you try these things and none work for you, I will advise you move on with your life. There are many men out there who will love you for who you are.
1. Draw close to him
The first thing you can do when you love a man who does not love you back is to find any available avenue to move close to him. If you work in the same place, make sure you find out where he hangs out during launch. Know his friends, his likes and dislikes, etc. You can then move ahead to monitor when he goes for launch, once you know that, adjust your time and go for launch too. Make sure you order for the same thing he wants to eat or drink and sit close to him as much as possible. When you finally get an audience with him, introduce yourself to him. Afterwards, make sure your meeting with him looks like coincidence as much as possible. If he is interested in you, he will make a move and if not move to step number 2.
2. Ask him out
If after two weeks, nothing happened, then ask him out. Tell him something like this, ” Hi, John, how are you today? I heard of a new film that will be shown in the Cinema tonight and I will love to watch it. But I don’t want to go alone, will you like to go with me? if he says yes, good and if it is a ‘no’ and make some excuses, don’t be disappointed, there is always another time. If it is a “yes”, arrange for him to pick you up at your place.
That is a great way to start. If he has interest in you, he will honour your invitation and then make moves, but if he’s not making any move after that, proceed to step number 3.
3. Tell him how you feel
This is the most difficult part! if after you tried points no. 1 – 2 and the guy is not getting it. After sometime, let him know how you feel. Some people don’t like this approach due to many reasons. Some think if you tell a guy how you feel about him, he will take you for granted and will not respect you. I don’t think that is true. This can only happen if the guy in question is not mature. I have heard of a woman who did this and later got married to the man. They have a great marriage today. I think it depends on personal belief and standard. Instead of dying inside, why not tell the guy and get it over with. if he says ‘no’, then you move on with your life or try the next step.
4. Keep being friends
As much as possible, keep being friends with the guy. Sometimes, love is never a mutual feeling, the second party will grow to love you when you let them know you love them. I have observed that sometimes in the dynamics of affection and relationships, feelings can be quite fluid, changing from time to time. A person who may not like you now probably because they feel you don’t measure up to their standards might later wonder how they managed to let you slip. Just be yourself, love yourself and show how it is anyone’s loss to miss out on you. Hopefully he’ll come around and if he doesn’t, life is too short to be sad and lovesick. You will find another who will like you for you.
Back to our story above, Helen did not give up on John, she followed the points above and John understood her feelings when she asked him out. They went out together, had a nice time and became lovers.
Now, you have the four steps you can do when you love a guy who does not love you back. You can try to get close to him, ask him out, tell him how you feel and if he doesn’t get it, keep him as a friend or let him go.
Love grows and does not always happen suddenly. Someone you feel does not love you may later love you back. Love happens in ways you can’t explain. So, don’t give up, keep on looking for love and one day, you will find it.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

The 5 Fundamental Texting Commandments

October 6, 2014/in Date Tips, Dating in SF, For Her, For Him /by Guest Blogger

Online dating can be a serious grind at times. Even on CMB, where your daily matches are highly curated and personalized to your network and tastes!

Can’t we just meet people organically and naturally within our daily lives? Oh, you mean the daily life where you’re not in school, working full-time, and mostly just head home after work? Yeah… good luck with that. It’s 2014, and if you haven’t noticed yet, online dating is the new organic!

By the time you are connected on CMB, the goal should be to begin a conversation as organically as this new medium allows.
Therefore, from my years as an online dating coach, (including authoring a book specifically for CMB) I present my 5 Fundamental Texting Commandments.

Thou shalt actually message them. We all know that there is a horrendous drop-off between who you match with, and who you actually talk to with online dating. Maybe you’re busy, you need to travel, or you just plain forget sometimes. I get that. But barring life circumstances, there is no reason to not take a chance on beginning a conversation with someone that there is a mutual attraction with. That’s the beauty of the mutual-like system – rejection is an afterthought. You’re also not committing to marry them by starting a conversation. Go for it!

Thou shalt not job interview. Nothing is more tiring or annoying than having the same conversation every day. What did you do this weekend? Where are you from? What do you do? Here’s a tip – pick a topic, stick to it for a while, and dig into it.

Thou shalt get offline as soon as possible. A point that needs to be repeated – you’re on a DATING site/app. Ain’t nobody got time to message for weeks upon weeks before meeting up. Wouldn’t you rather test if you have actual chemistry rather than text chemistry? By the way, if you’re at the point where you feel like you can ask someone out… you probably could have a few texts ago!

Thou shalt not use texts that are dependent on responses. You’re having a great conversation. You ask them a question. And then they disappear for 8 hours. All the while you’re anxiously checking your texts because you asked them a direct question, and they failed to answer! That means they’re ignoring you, right? Did they get bored of you? Did a truck run over them? Wait, are they still even on the app? See this insane train of thought? If you don’t use texts that are dependent on responses, you won’t always be waiting on one and driving yourself crazy.

Thou shalt not wait hours to respond just to manipulate your availability. Let’s be better than the 3-day rule of texting, or whatever the kids are calling it these days. Feel free to not reply to them within seconds of receiving their texts, but don’t play it cool by always waiting hours or days to reply. It’s transparent, passive-aggressive, and usually serves to annoy the other party than entice them. Here’s a simple guideline: mirror the intervals at which they reply to you!

Now that you’ve got messaging swag, learn how to improve your profile with 3 easy steps!
Read more from Patrick at Patrick King Consulting, and check out his best-selling CMB-focused online dating book on Amazon.

Fill out my online form.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a dating app designed with women in mind. Founded by 3 sisters in 2012 in NYC, CMB aims to deliver a fun, safe, and quality dating experience that results in meaningful relationships.

Top 13 Qualities That Every Guy Wants In A Girlfriend

September 30, 2014/in For Her /by Guest Blogger

Is there such a thing as the perfect girlfriend? They might not exist in the real world but one thing is for sure, the perfect girl can certainly be found in our beloved Hollywood Rom-Coms. Characters such as Katniss Everdeen, Rachel Jenson, and even Pitch Perfect’s infamous Fat Amy, possess qualities that many men look for in a girlfriend. Here are 13 perfect girlfriend traits that make my favorite movie characters, well… perfect.

1. She’s a die hard sports fan… or at least pretends to be.

2. She isn’t afraid to make fun of herself… or what you did last night.

3. She’s not afraid to tell you how she truly feels.

4. She’s down-to-earth and up for doing just about anything… even skipping school and running around Chicago with you.

5. She’s supportive… even if you’re being irrational.

6. She stands-up for herself in all situations… especially while shopping on Rodeo Drive.

7. She isn’t afraid to fight for something she believes in.

8. She’s the girl all of the guys want.

9. She’s sarcastic in awkward situations when humor is necessary.

10. She’s not afraid to bond with your family… even if it involves dancing around a campfire.

11. She knows what she wants and will always go after it.

12. She’s confident in what she does… even if she isn’t the best at something.

13. She’s content and happy with who she is… even if she doesn’t know she’s royalty.

Did you like this post? Check out Bend and Snap: Elle Woods Guide to Dating Confidence.

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Dating Advice for That One Annoying Single Friend

September 27, 2014/in For Her /by Guest Blogger

Everyone has that one annoying single friend they absolutely love and adore but can’t stand at the same time because of her stubbornly single ways. You know exactly the type I’m talking about — the type that always makes it a point to mention the fact that she’s single (still), refuses to settle for anything less than she deserves, and is always posting self-validating memes and other things single women like to post on their social media feeds.
Like this:

That’s what they all say.

Or this:

And then she’ll post this on a Friday night, while updating her online dating profile:

Remind you of anyone you know?
Maybe (gasp) yourself?
If I could go back in time and give my fresh-out-of-college self some simple, yet profound dating advice, here’s what I’d tell myself.
Stop wearing your single status like a badge of honor.
Who do you think you are, the Mother Teresa of singles? Being single is not an identity. It’s a relationship status. Whether single or taken, it does not define you. But your actions and behavior do, and you may not like what yours say about you.
You deserve nothing. No one owes you anything.
Men seem to think they’re entitled to a woman’s body if they pay a woman’s way. Conversely, women seem to believe they’re entitled to a free meal if they give a man the time of day. This sense of entitlement that dominates today’s dating culture is crippling your dating life by making you an invalid.
Ditch the expectations in favor of realism.
False expectations only lead to disappointment. Unless you like being disappointed — or frustrated — don’t expect someone else’s idea of a relationship to be the same as yours. Unmet expectations kill relationships. No one likes the pressure of living up to unrealistic expectations. Keep it real.
Get over yourself and your selfish approach to relationships.
Instead of always taking about what you want in an ideal partner, how about drawing some of that attention onto what your dream guy would want in his dream girl? Consider what you bring to the table in a relationship rather than what someone else has to offer you. Relationships aren’t all about you.
Stop validating yourself by the men that don’t want you.
Doing so will only perpetuate your fear of not being good enough for anyone. You don’t need a man, or anyone outside yourself, to be happy. There are not enough men in the world to negate the most reliable source of validation you could ever have — you. Don’t ever let anyone define or validate you.
Relationships are only as complicated as you make them out to be.
There is nothing complicated about two people expressing their intentions for the other to accept or reject. If the person you’re dating wants to keep seeing other people, you’re either okay with it or you’re not. The real complications happen when people don’t talk about the implications of conflicting intentions.
Practice sportsmanship in dating.
I know you hate to think of dating as a game, but it is, and you need to be in it to win it, or accept being a loser. Just don’t be a sore loser. Take your loss like a champ, learn from your mistakes and move on. Every new dating experience is like a whole new ball game, and a new chance to win that relationship you’ve been craving.
If you like this post, consider reading about 9 things I learned about breaking up.
About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

Dating Profile No-No's

September 24, 2014/in Date Tips, For Her /by Guest Blogger

I’m a guy who’s been on Coffee Meets Bagel for several months now since February 2014. I’ve seen a myriad of profiles from the sparse, to the detailed, to the confusing. The profile is the only thing that motivates a guy from clicking “Like” vs. “Pass”. I could get all psychological on you and discuss how a sparse profile could translate to a girl who is not willing to put forth the ample amount of time, effort, and energy in a relationship and how it might be symptomatic of a deeper issue at hand — but not today.

Ladies, please do not commit these dating profile faux-paus. This is a non-comprehensive list and I have seen all of these in my time using Coffee Meets Bagel.

Having all four pics the same
It shows us that you REALLY don’t care. It could also show us that you’re really technologically impaired. PASS!

Only having one photo
It shows us that you don’t care. We also have no idea what else you’re into. Are you into hiking? Do you like frequenting coffee shops? Do you like DIY projects? We don’t know if we don’t see more than a one-dimensional profile. PASS!

This pic actually showed up as my bagel for the day — what the hell is this dessert and who the hell is this? This tells me nothing while saying that you might be very insecure or that someone else put you up to creating this profile. Try a little harder, please!

Using only #selfies
All from the same angle, but different pics with different outfits in front of the same shower curtain backdrop. Might indicate slightly narcissistic personality tendencies. Eww, mirror selfies. You also use the same smile in all the pics or worse yet, the dreaded duck face. PASS!

Having your default pic with your best friend
Sometimes we like what we see and thumb through the rest of the pics to discover that based on attraction alone, we were more attracted to your best friend. Your default pic should be you only. PASS!

Having all group photos with only girls
We won’t know which one is you. PASS!

Having all your pics from da club!
Most of us won’t be able to keep up with that lifestyle pace. You’re also probably an expensive date that wants to get bottle service but gets trashed after two vodka shots leaving us to carry your drunk self out of the place while you complain about how your feet hurt.PASS!

Having pics with guys
Is it your brother? your cousin? your best friend? your best gay friend? PASS!

Having a pic with a baby
While it’s nice to see that you love kids, if you don’t specify that this is your niece/nephew, it sends the wrong message in a very big way. I’d love to assume its your niece or nephew, but I’d hate to try and ask you out only to discover that you have to be home by 8pm, because that’s how long you could get your babysitter for. PASS!

Showing too much up there or down there

If your pic has you sitting in a limo, I know you’re in Vegas and if you were unfortunate enough to choose a pic where your thong is showing, I want no part in that. The more obvious profile flaw is showing wayy too much cleavage. Have some respect. If you’re ‘gifted’ you don’t need to show cleavage for a guy to figure it out. And secondly, physical beauty and youth doesn’t last forever. A good profile picture doesn’t give us a front row perspective down your shirt. If you’re a woman of great emotional depth and intellect, there is no need for putting your assets on display. PASS!

Not writing anything about yourself – leaving it all blank.

I am … N/A
I am interested in …N/A
I appreciate when my date … N/A

not available…

… you get the idea. We have no idea what you’re about, but we do know a few things. 1) You’re probably not that wild about the idea of online dating so you created a profile because you were pressured by a good friend and put absolutely zero effort into it. 2) Your friend grabbed your phone from you and set it up for you against your will while you moaned and complained. Online dating is a type of self-investment, you only get out of it what you put in measured in effort. 3) You got distracted while filling it out and never went back to make changes (you can do that, BTW) and are wondering why you can’t get anyone to click “Like”.

PASS!

What other obvious problems have you seen with dating profiles?

Bend and Snap: Elle Woods Guide to Dating Confidence

September 16, 2014/in Date Tips, For Her /by Guest Blogger

No one understands dating struggles better than my favorite blonde, Elle Woods. While Legally Blonde might seem like a movie that was created to enhance the “dumb blonde” stereotype (and I can’t lie, Elle definitely has her moments), there is a much more powerful and inspiring story behind Elle than just a blonde sorority girl attempting to win back her ex-boyfriend. Elle’s confidence, her belief in herself, and her unwillingness to compromise is an inspiring message to women everywhere: relationships do not define who you are, you do.

Here are 13 lessons Elle taught me about dating: Preach it Miss Woods!

1. Always march to the beat of your own drum, even if you stick out in a room of people wearing black.

2. Even through the tears and heartbreak, just remember that you are fabulous.

3. Don’t be afraid to question your date.

4. When talking to your crush, always play it cool.

5. That life-lesson, “Never judge a book by its cover” that you have rolled your eyes at when you were younger, definitely applies to dating!

6. Bad dates and breakups are going to happen, just eat some chocolates and move on.

7. Never think you aren’t good enough for someone.

8. Embrace dating and relationship challenges with confidence.

9. Support from your friends is always essential.

10. Prove it to everyone that you aren’t the girl who lets a man define you.

11. It’s okay to be confident in who you are! Don’t be afraid to show it!

12. Be yourself and one day you will find the perfect someone who loves and respects you for who you are, blonde hair and all.

13. Last but definitely not least, if you bend and snap, you might just find your Prince Charming and can skip all the previous advice (after all, the bend and snap works every time!)

Did you like this post? Check out Do You Give Yourself Pep Talks? for more advice.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.

How To Stay Grounded When Online Dating

August 25, 2014/in Date Tips, For Her, For Him /by Guest Blogger

I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that many of you are confident, fairly attractive people who are well-rounded and pretty independent. You can likely make at least one person laugh really hard, and have probably been complimented on some facet of your personality. I’m sure you also have very good taste in food, pretty good taste in music, and you’re very secure in your identity. (If more than these, niiice. I like your confidence.)
Regardless of if you have never dated before, if you’ve been bagel biting left and right for some time, or you just moved to a new city and need an easy way to meet people, I’d like to create a space where we can be encouraged in our relationships. Which can be tough. Real tough. Like telling a diehard Texan that they have to move out of the great country of Texas, or teaching your new puppy who hates water to jump in the lake. Tough, but fun, and makes for great stories.
Here’s a few tips and encouragement I have for the online dater (or the skeptic who’s considering):

Get over the idea that online dating isn’t a “real way” to meet people.

Often online dating is perceived as kind of “last resort” (don’t look at me, I just heard it) or maybe you’ve somehow formed a stigma attached to online dating (Everyone’s a creep! I’m not desperate! It’s too public!). For several reasons you’d prefer to meet people “the real way:” at a yoga class or at the gym, through a campus organization or hobby, during boring party conversation over beer pong with other attractive people in the room (subjective), or frequenting a certain coffeeshop or bookstore way, way too many times. Consider this: we live in the most connected, technologically advanced period of time that has ever existed, and online dating is just one of the many mediums to meet friends and potential dates. No one will force you, but people do meet online and end up lovin’ each other, so it could be worth a try.

Expect that you will need to invest some time.

Chances are you’re used to doing things on your own time, talking about yourself, not being vulnerable on the internet (I don’t blame you these days), and quite possibly never having to try to sum yourself up upon first glance for a stranger to size up. It’s nice to have no chance of rejection, especially if you’re not that hot about one-on-one’s, but investment can lead to great reward. Postpone catching up on Mad Men or caring (but not really caring) about others on social media for a few hours. You may be sacrificing your time on dates without the promise of a successful relationship, but it can be worth it. And when it is, you’ll be glad you did invest that time.

Try to learn something from each date.

Chances are that if you’re messaging and haven’t met up yet, you’ll need motivation to keep talking to someone you only know through limited exchanges. Don’t run with an imagined idea of who they are, but the beginning of any friendship or relationship stems from a bit of interest and without knowing if the relationship or even friendship will work out. Either way, you’ll gain something from it – if not a connection, then a good date. If not a good date, then perhaps clarity on what you would consider a good date, or new knowledge about yourself: something you found attractive, an issue more important than you thought, or how you responded to a certain question or type of person. If anything, even a reason to realize you like being single for now (because let’s admit- it’s great to be single). And that’s ok.

Remind yourself what a date is.

The word “date” is such a loaded word. There are so many societal expectations and constructs that revolve around that particular word, but how I’d describe one is as simple as this: two solid individuals choosing to get to know each other. If you’re having trouble going on dates for a variety of legitimate reasons and would like to, a site like CMB is perfect for those hesitant or dipping their toes back into dating – one match a day, a simple like or pass. Dating is a perfect closed situation to practice social and relational skills and an opportunity to be polite and even to encourage someone else, wherever they are in dating. Initially, it can be a little unnerving to put your profile up, but just remember: no one person can be summed up in a few sentences or even by a mutual friend. Go at your own pace, and try to have fun. Because you know, dates are fun.

Stay Open.

A while ago, it took months for me to realize I really wasn’t as open as I thought at a point when deciding if I was ready to date again. It may be easy to originally reject all potentials that come your way, but if there’s no glaring reason to say no, why not give it a shot (or an hour at most)? A good friend advised me to try to find something that I like about the person I’m on a date with. I know way too many couples in serious relationships or married now that originally thought their spouse was totally out of the question (Ooh, wouldn’t this be fun to share details on? A learning experience for both parties, no doubt). Certainly no one will make you go on dates, but I think a great learning experience is dating outside of your “type,” depending on where you’re at, no matter how painful that sounds.

Everyone is in a different place.

Someone might be learning how to be better at one-on-one conversation. Some people might just be looking for a fun way to spend an evening. Some people might seem like they’re open to a long-term relationship, but actually interested in a short-term relationship. Some people may have been on so many dates, that they’re (unfortunately) a bit blasé about your time together. Going on a few casual dates has really just reminded me that everyone is in a different place. You don’t really know where they (or you, sometimes) are until you chat with them, and if you’re newly dating, you might find yourself attracted to or forming certain goals throughout dating that you’ve never considered before. Learn how to read people and communicate directly, acknowledge your date as a person, and grow from it. This is for you to figure where you’re at, too!

Overall, why date online?

I’ve got great friends that are fabulous, healthy, responsible, active, have wonderful families, a blast to be around, dedicated to their hobbies, and people I admire dearly who have a hard time getting outside of their immediate circles. I do think that there’s something everyone can learn from specifically online dating in being open (at least for a period of time). You might meet someone special, become much better at interacting socially with others on a one-on-one basis, be more open to being set up by friends afterward, or even just learn more about yourself (maybe confirming online dating isn’t for you, and that’s ok).
Did you agree or disagree with any of these? Other interesting points you realized about relationships when considering dating, actually dating right now, being engaged, or after getting married?
Feel free to tweet me about it if you’d like! If you liked this post, check out more date tips on CMB.

WHAT DO YOU WISH MORE WOMEN UNDERSTOOD ABOUT MEN?

WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU COULD UNDERSTAND BETTER ABOUT WOMEN?

WHAT IS YOUR APPROACH TO DATING?

HAVE YOU ONLINE DATED?

WHAT DID YOU LIKE/DISLIKE ABOUT IT?

WHAT IS YOUR STRATEGY TO GET A GIRL’S NUMBER?

DO YOU LIKE WHEN A GIRL ASKS YOU OUT, PLANS A DATE, OR PAYS FOR DINNER?

WHAT NON-PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS DO YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE?

DEAL BREAKERS?

WHAT IS YOUR GO-TO DATE?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN SOULMATES?

1. She’s a die hard sports fan… or at least pretends to be.

2. She isn’t afraid to make fun of herself… or what you did last night.

3. She’s not afraid to tell you how she truly feels.

4. She’s down-to-earth and up for doing just about anything… even skipping school and running around Chicago with you.

5. She’s supportive… even if you’re being irrational.

6. She stands-up for herself in all situations… especially while shopping on Rodeo Drive.

7. She isn’t afraid to fight for something she believes in.

8. She’s the girl all of the guys want.

9. She’s sarcastic in awkward situations when humor is necessary.

10. She’s not afraid to bond with your family… even if it involves dancing around a campfire.

11. She knows what she wants and will always go after it.

12. She’s confident in what she does… even if she isn’t the best at something.

13. She’s content and happy with who she is… even if she doesn’t know she’s royalty.

1. Always march to the beat of your own drum, even if you stick out in a room of people wearing black.

2. Even through the tears and heartbreak, just remember that you are fabulous.

3. Don’t be afraid to question your date.

4. When talking to your crush, always play it cool.

5. That life-lesson, “Never judge a book by its cover” that you have rolled your eyes at when you were younger, definitely applies to dating!

6. Bad dates and breakups are going to happen, just eat some chocolates and move on.

7. Never think you aren’t good enough for someone.

8. Embrace dating and relationship challenges with confidence.

9. Support from your friends is always essential.

10. Prove it to everyone that you aren’t the girl who lets a man define you.

11. It’s okay to be confident in who you are! Don’t be afraid to show it!

12. Be yourself and one day you will find the perfect someone who loves and respects you for who you are, blonde hair and all.

13. Last but definitely not least, if you bend and snap, you might just find your Prince Charming and can skip all the previous advice (after all, the bend and snap works every time!)

Get over the idea that online dating isn’t a “real way” to meet people.

Expect that you will need to invest some time.

Try to learn something from each date.

Remind yourself what a date is.

Stay Open.

Everyone is in a different place.

Overall, why date online?

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