Have you ever felt curious about how matchmakers actually make matches? How do they know who their clients will be attracted to, or who they will be compatible with? In today’s episode, I interviewed 15-year veteran matchmaker Violet Lim to learn the secret to matchmaking, so you can apply all of her lessons to your own dating life.
Violet is the co-founder and chief cupid at a premier matchmaking company, Lunch Actually Group. She was the first Asian to be certified by the Matchmaking Institute in New York City, where she now sits on their board. She’s also the executive director and principal trainer at the Matchmaking Institute of Southeast Asia where she trains matchmakers and aspiring matchmakers from all around the world.
This is “Save the Date,” a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship.
An overview of Violet’s background [0:26]
How Violet decided to become a matchmaker [1:14]
How does actual matchmaking compare to the movies [3:40]
The art and science of matchmaking [6:44]
What role does attraction play in compatibility? [12:00]
What roles do mutual interest and values play in a relationship? [16:42]
Do mutual values also mean mutual trust? [20:46]
How to handle the check-in conversation [26:47]
If your date is unsure, should you give it more time? [35:37]
First messages that tend to get good responses [40:34]
The best (and worst) dating advice Violet has received [43:27]
“It’s nice to have common interests, but it’s not going to make or break a relationship.” [23:18]
“Building trust and respect takes time. And from what we have seen so far, it usually takes between five to seven dates.” [28:03]
“Are you comfortable having the ‘check-in’ conversation with the other person? If you are not comfortable to even broach this subject, that could be a red flag.” [32:32]
“If you’re in the right relationship with the right person, that person would be very invested in your emotions and wants to make you happy and see you smile.” [37:40]
“You need to make your intentions clear at some point. If the other person’s intentions are totally different than yours, then you need to ascertain at that point, ‘What do I want?’” [38:40]
“As much as we love the other person and we want to support their dreams, goals, and aspirations – it’s more important that we love ourselves more.” [40:02]
“When dating, be the best version of yourself – just like when you go on a job interview. Prepare and put your best foot forward.” [48:38]
“My best advice for singles would be two things: one is having the right mindset, and two is having a positive attitude.” [50:32]
“Nobody wants to go on a date with someone who complains about everything under the sun. The worst thing that you can do on a date is to complain.” [50:35]