Coffee Meets Bagel
  • Home
  • Careers
    • CMB Culture
    • Open Positions
  • Blog
  • Help Center
  • Press
  • Terms, Privacy, & Copyright
  • Menu
You are here: Home / Blog / Save the Date #3: How do I decide what matters most in a relationship?...
Amari Ice, Episode 3

Save the Date #3: How do I decide what matters most in a relationship? | Amari Ice

October 21, 2020/in Blog, Date Tips /by Jackie Anzaroot

One phrase that has helped many people in both their personal and professional lives is “Begin with an end in mind.” If we don’t know where we want to end up, we’re going to meander, get lost, or maybe even end up somewhere we thought we wanted to go… but it turns out it wasn’t. Oftentimes in dating, we jump in without having a clear idea of what kind of partner we need or the relationship we want to create – and that can be the cause of a lot of painful dating experiences. 

Today’s guest, Amari Ice, is the author of the book “Lasting Love at Last: The Gay Guide To Attracting the Relationship of Your Dreams.” He is the first gay, black dating coach to be certified as a matchmaker by the Matchmaking Institute, and he has coached over 500 daters – with a 75% success rate in terms of finding relationships! In this episode, he provides insight to help listeners improve at the art of figuring out who they should meet and what their end goals should look like. He also answers questions that listeners submitted. 

This is Save the Date, a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship.

SHOW NOTES:

Don’t take love so seriously [4:36]

Wants vs. needs [7:36]

Aligning values [19:56]

Don’t fall for potential [22:13]

The five crucial values [24:42]

QUOTES:

“We’re going to be most attractive, most engaging, most fascinating when we’re having fun – when we’re in that state of childhood, childlike passion.” [5:04]

“We often bypass or totally exclude or don’t even consider what we actually need from a partner in order to be happy.” [8:09]

“A lot of times, what we want serves as a barrier to getting what we need from a partner – when that doesn’t really matter in terms of what’s going to make us happy long term.” [8:18]

“If the values aren’t aligned, it doesn’t matter if they have any of the other traits, because you’re going to grow apart eventually anyway.” [20:07]

“The person who is going to meet your needs long term has to have the capacity to do that now. Meaning, if we look for someone and fall for potential – which many people do – the only way to guarantee that a person has the capacity to meet our needs later is that they have the capacity now, which means they actually have those traits. They don’t just have the potential to have the traits.” [21:04]

“If you only look at physical traits, you’re missing out on whether or not this person can meet your needs.” [22:04]

“You’ve got to ask yourself, why are you attracted to certain types of people? Why do you continue to be attracted to people who you know aren’t good for you?” [26:37]

“Whenever you have a requirement, ask yourself: ‘Why is this important to me?’ If you can’t give yourself a viable answer, usually there’s a bias going on you want to unpack.” [30:48]

“For long-term relationships, the more familiar we are, the more closely our values match, the safer we feel, the more comfortable we’re going to be with that partner long term.” [34:14]

“You want to see if there’s consistency of those traits over time. That’s what leads you to the night before the wedding, not wondering if this is the right person.” [39:15]

Share this entry
  • Share on Facebook
  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Pinterest

Categories

  • Blog
  • Boston
  • Chicago
  • CMB 101
  • CMB Experiences
  • CMB Says
  • CMB Updates
  • Date Ideas
  • Date Stats
  • Date Stories
  • Date Tips
  • Dating for Men
  • Dating in LA
  • Dating in NYC
  • Dating in SF
  • DC
  • For Her
  • For Him
  • From the founders
  • Funny & Videos
  • Home
  • LA
  • LGBT Dating
  • list
  • moments
  • News
  • NYC
  • Product
  • SF
  • Stats
  • Stories
  • Tips
  • Tips on CMB
  • Uncategorized
  • Virtual dates

Get the app

Get the App for iOS
Get the App for Android
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Careers
  • Press
  • Help Center
  • Privacy & Terms

Join the app

Join the app on iOS
Join the app on Android
© Copyright - Coffee Meets Bagel - Enfold Theme by Kriesi
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Youtube
Save the Date #2: How can vulnerability help me forge a loving relationship?... Natalie Lue, Episode 2 Eli Finkel, Episode 4 Save the Date #4: How do I create a relationship that fits my needs? | Eli ...
Scroll to top

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse the site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

OKLearn more

Cookie and Privacy Settings

How we use cookies

We may request cookies to be set on your device. We use cookies to let us know when you visit our websites, how you interact with us, to enrich your user experience, and to customize your relationship with our website. Click on the different category headings to find out more. You can also change some of your preferences. Note that blocking some types of cookies may impact your experience on our websites and the services we are able to offer.

Essential Website Cookies

These cookies are strictly necessary to provide you with services available through our website and to use some of its features. Because these cookies are strictly necessary to deliver the website, you cannot refuse them without impacting how our site functions. You can block or delete them by changing your browser settings and force blocking all cookies on this website.

Google Analytics Cookies

These cookies collect information that is used either in aggregate form to help us understand how our website is being used or how effective our marketing campaigns are, or to help us customize our website and application for you in order to enhance your experience. If you do not want that we track your visist to our site you can disable tracking in your browser here:

Other external services

We also use different external services like Google Webfonts, Google Maps and external Video providers. Since these providers may collect personal data like your IP address we allow you to block them here. Please be aware that this might heavily reduce the functionality and appearance of our site. Changes will take effect once you reload the page.

Google Webfont Settings:

Google Map Settings:

Vimeo and Youtube video embeds:

Privacy Policy

You can read about our cookies and privacy settings in detail on our Privacy Policy Page. privacy-policy