Coffee Meets Bagel
  • Home
  • Careers
    • CMB Culture
    • Open Positions
  • Blog
  • Help Center
  • Press
  • Terms, Privacy, & Copyright
  • Menu
You are here: Home / Blog / Save the Date #11 – How do I stop sabotaging my relationships? | Lori G...
Lori Gottlieb, Episode 11

Save the Date #11 – How do I stop sabotaging my relationships? | Lori Gottlieb

March 10, 2021/in Blog, Date Tips /by Jackie Anzaroot


We all know what we want in our dating life: to be in a great relationship. But what is stopping us from having that? There could be a lot of factors, but a major one could actually be us getting in our own way.

I’m really excited to have today’s expert help us understand how we can stop sabotaging our own happiness when it comes to dating. Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist and author of not one but two New York Times best-selling books: “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone,” which is currently being adapted as a TV series, and “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.” In addition to being an author with a clinical practice, she writes The Atlantic’s weekly “Dear Therapist” advice column and she also co-hosts the new hit podcast “Dear Therapist,” which I love listening to myself and is produced by Katie Couric.

This is “Save the Date,” a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship.


SHOW NOTES:
Why do we go after the unavailable type [1:39]

Idiot compassion vs. wise compassion [5:10]

Do you need to settle to be in a happy relationship? [10:02]

Why spark and compatibility are both important [14:41]

How we learn about ourselves in relationship in our 20s [21:05]

How Lori got over a painful breakup with the help of her therapist [26:29]

The ways in which we keep ourselves in a prison [29:43]

Should you ever compromise on core values? [35:32]

Tips for dating after 40 years old [41:51]

How to start trusting again after a heartbreak [43:09]

The best dating advice Lori has ever received [45:10]

RESOURCES:
Lori’s website: https://lorigottlieb.com/
Lori’s books: https://www.amazon.com/Lori-Gottlieb/e/B001IOBJ66%3Fref=dbs_a_mng_rwt_scns_share
Lori’s articles in The Atlantic: https://www.theatlantic.com/author/lori-gottlieb/
Lori’s Instagram profile: https://www.instagram.com/lorigottlieb_author/?hl=en
Lori’s TED talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/lori_gottlieb_how_changing_your_story_can_change_your_life?language=en
Lori’s podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-therapists/id1523340696

QUOTES:
“Sometimes, we are our own jailers. Situation, circumstance, and stories make us think we’re unlovable and keep us imprisoned when we can walk around those bars and create our own story.”
“We blame it on the availability of the significant other we’re looking for if we can’t find them. In reality, we may sabotage ourselves by going after people who aren’t right for us.”

“We marry our unfinished business. When you’re dating, it’s important to know what business needs to get finished so you can pursue people who can provide the relationship you want.”

“Idiot compassion is when we think we’re being supportive by hearing a friend’s story about a bad date or boyfriend and saying, ‘They’re terrible. You were right, they were wrong.’”

“Wise compassion is what a therapist does. We hold up a mirror up to you and help you to see something about yourself that maybe you haven’t been willing or able to see.”

“I think that spark is really important. But I think that what you’re looking for is spark and compatibility. I think when people feel spark, they forget about compatibility.”

“When we are heartbroken, we think we miss the other person. In actuality, we miss being in a great relationship, things like the inside jokes and sharing the minutiae of our day.”

“There’s healthy chemistry, where you’re drawn to somebody for healthy reasons, and unhealthy chemistry, where you’re immediately drawn to somebody because of unfinished business.”

“I think that we forget that the dating experience is different from the married experience.”

“It doesn’t help anybody to stay in a relationship that ultimately can’t work because you’re not willing to talk about what’s important to you in life.”

Share this entry
  • Share on Facebook
  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Pinterest

Categories

  • Blog
  • Boston
  • Chicago
  • CMB 101
  • CMB Experiences
  • CMB Says
  • CMB Updates
  • Date Ideas
  • Date Stats
  • Date Stories
  • Date Tips
  • Dating for Men
  • Dating in LA
  • Dating in NYC
  • Dating in SF
  • DC
  • For Her
  • For Him
  • From the founders
  • Funny & Videos
  • Home
  • LA
  • LGBT Dating
  • list
  • moments
  • News
  • NYC
  • Product
  • SF
  • Stats
  • Stories
  • Tips
  • Tips on CMB
  • Uncategorized
  • Virtual dates

Get the app

Get the App for iOS
Get the App for Android
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Careers
  • Press
  • Help Center
  • Privacy & Terms

Join the app

Join the app on iOS
Join the app on Android
© Copyright - Coffee Meets Bagel - Enfold Theme by Kriesi
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Youtube
Save the Date #10 – How do blindspots harm my dating decisions? | Gary Le... Gary Lewandowski, Episode 10 Save the Date #12 How do I turn a match into an actual date? | Dateable’s...
Scroll to top

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse the site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

OKLearn more

Cookie and Privacy Settings

How we use cookies

We may request cookies to be set on your device. We use cookies to let us know when you visit our websites, how you interact with us, to enrich your user experience, and to customize your relationship with our website. Click on the different category headings to find out more. You can also change some of your preferences. Note that blocking some types of cookies may impact your experience on our websites and the services we are able to offer.

Essential Website Cookies

These cookies are strictly necessary to provide you with services available through our website and to use some of its features. Because these cookies are strictly necessary to deliver the website, you cannot refuse them without impacting how our site functions. You can block or delete them by changing your browser settings and force blocking all cookies on this website.

Google Analytics Cookies

These cookies collect information that is used either in aggregate form to help us understand how our website is being used or how effective our marketing campaigns are, or to help us customize our website and application for you in order to enhance your experience. If you do not want that we track your visist to our site you can disable tracking in your browser here:

Other external services

We also use different external services like Google Webfonts, Google Maps and external Video providers. Since these providers may collect personal data like your IP address we allow you to block them here. Please be aware that this might heavily reduce the functionality and appearance of our site. Changes will take effect once you reload the page.

Google Webfont Settings:

Google Map Settings:

Vimeo and Youtube video embeds:

Privacy Policy

You can read about our cookies and privacy settings in detail on our Privacy Policy Page. privacy-policy