Today’s episode features my dream guest, Lisa Bilyeu. She is the co-founder and president of Impact Theory, a digital media production company focused on empowering content. She’s also the co-founder of the billion-dollar health and nutrition brand, Quest Nutrition.
What’s amazing is that she co-founded these two hugely successful companies with her husband, Tom Bilyeu. Tom and Lisa are truly my relationship role models. And if you want to learn how they created and continue to maintain an amazingly juicy relationship for 15 plus years (while building an empire together!) so that you can go and create that for your own lives, please tune in.
This is “Save the Date,” a dating survival kit from Coffee Meets Bagel. Each episode, our Chief Dating Officer Dawoon Kang will sit down with a guest expert to tackle some of your most burning dating questions and explore what it takes to ultimately reach your goals: going on great dates that lead to a lasting, serious relationship.
What dating was like before Lisa met Tom [1:05]
Why a checklist would have prevented Lisa from meeting Tom [6:43]
Checklists vs. non-negotiables [12:20]
How to decide that “I don’t need to explore more before committing” [14:01]
Staying true to what your body is telling you [19:32]
How to build “come and get me” confidence [28:51]
Deciding not to have kids [38:11]
How to not get emotionally attached to someone too quickly [48:59]
How to stay connected to a partner when they’re triggered [52:57]
“I think finding a partner that can communicate, that thinks like you. So, Tom and I, it’s not like we always agree. We are polar opposites on some things. But one thing that we do agree on is: our relationship is the priority. And communication, no matter how hard it is to say something to someone, we both agreed that saying the hard thing is a must in our relationship.“
“I know that you have checkboxes, right? What type of person are you looking for? Right? Had I done that, I never would have met Tom. Because there were certain things where I was like: ‘Oh, yeah, a guy’s got to care about his looks, a guy’s got to care about his clothes, a guy’s got to care about his car.’ And then I meet Tom; he doesn’t care about his clothes, he doesn’t care about his car, he barely doesn’t…like, total opposite.”
“So I’m just going to be completely me. And I’d never done that before. On past dates, I was trying to win – win the job, right? And instead of trying to win the job, now my mindset is: let them try and win you. You be you. And then see if there’s great electricity. And that’s what happened with Tom. I wasn’t trying to win him. I wasn’t trying to be someone, or put any pressure on: is this going to be my husband?”
“Saying you’ve crossed paths with your one and only is not as powerful as saying, ‘There are 7 billion people out there – I can keep looking, but I choose you.’”
“See how people handle trust. Tell them a little secret. Then when you’re in a big argument, do they use it against you? That tells you who they are as a human being.”
“I have noticed a lot of people hold on to a phase of their relationship, and because that phase is over, they start to think, ‘Well, is there something wrong with my relationship?’”
“Don’t listen to someone saying ‘sorry.’ Watch their actions after the fact.”