“The art of losing isn’t hard to master.” – Elizabeth Bishop
Do you ever feel like your love life is filled with nothing but one unrequited love story after another? The story of a love unreturned dominates the psyche of women everywhere. Every break up feels like our own twisted versions of Romeo and Juliet. Call it bad timing or a stroke of bad luck, the fact remains. It’s over, and accepting it can be a bit of process.
There’s always that one guy in a woman’s life that she wanted more than all the others. He was different. He was special. He was unique. The only problem was that he didn’t want her back no matter how good she was to him, even to his own acknowledgement. When “you’re too good for me” doesn’t work as a break up line, it then turns into “you’re not good enough for me,” and it can bruise one’s ego to no avail.
If you’ve been reading my last couple posts, you can probably guess that my online dating boyfriend and I finally broke up after we reached the 6-month relationship crossroad. After talking to him on the phone last night, I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s experiencing some sort of existential crisis. I can relate since I’ve been going through mine since before I met him. It seems as if we both have a personal journey of self-discovery that we must each embark on at our own pace. In another time, and another place, maybe, things would have turned out differently. But we can’t change the past. We can only change our future through the lessons gleaned from every failed relationship. Here are 10 I learned about moving on after a break up:
1. Self-criticism, or any criticism for that matter, only makes moving on after a break up that much harder.
Reliving the pain keeps you in pain. Believe me, I know. I’ve been a Payne all my life. (You see what I did there?)
2. There’s a lesson in every relationship if we’re open to learning and growing from them.
In my case, I learned how to finally open my heart to someone I thought was worthy. Now, I just need to up my standards for what it means to be worthy.
3. Most dating and relationship advice you read on the Internet is complete horse crap.
Screw the rules. They’re made for people who can’t think for themselves. No brain = unattractive.
4. It’s not always about you, so much as it is about them.
When all is said and done, you’ll never be good enough for someone who just isn’t ready.
5. Sex and intellect go hand-in-hand.
Sex will only take you so far before you’re lack of intellect overshadows the sex. At that point, you become nothing but a booty call.
6. Keeping busy is your best defense for moving on after a breakup.
This is what getting busy looks like for me:)
7. Good friends will be the glue that holds you together in your darkest moments.
The sweetest things in life are the friendships that keep you strong.
8. Being single is not the end of the world.
Your relationship status shouldn’t define your happiness. If it does, then you may need to revisit #2.
9. You’re more resilient than you think.
It could be worse. Things could always be worse. So just hang in there.
About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.