4 Major Mistakes That Keep You From Going Past The First Date
Let’s face it, some of us have had terrible dates. Hopefully you haven’t been on a date as bad as this one:
Even if your dates don’t end in disaster, going on a few mediocre dates can stir up feelings of insecurity and make us wonder, “Is it me?”
George Costanza was the king of this line from Seinfeld. Although this line is often times true, there are a few exceptions.
Today, we are going to take a look at some of the things that might be preventing us from a second date.
Be sure to check out my free guide to successful dating in 2015 that I am offering at the end of this post.
2015 has arrived which means everyone is currently goal oriented and looking for some change in their life. As it relates to dating, you might want to find that special someone, get into something a little more serious, or simply just go on more dates.
There are a few habits we need to leave behind however. Here are a few of the biggest ones that could be hurting your dating life.
#1 Being attached to an outcome
We all have reasons for dating. We’re looking for a relationship, to have fun and let loose, or just to see what’s out there. All of these are totally normal and valid reasons for dating. However, when we go on a date with a future agenda in mind, we totally miss the point of the date. Bringing an agenda can ruin things before they even had a chance to take off. A lot of times during the first date we are constantly trying to assess,
- “Should I ask her about her family, or about her job?”
- “Should I try to kiss her now?”
- “What does she think of me?”
If you find you are thinking about the future during the date, take a second and breathe.
Lori Deschene from Tiny Buddha has a great insight on getting attached to outcomes,
“We pin our happiness to people, circumstances, and things and hold onto them for dear life. We stress about the possibility of losing them when something seems amiss. Then we melt into grief when something changes—a lay off, a break up, a transfer.”
This means go on the date with the intention of going on just that date. If you both connect and want to see each other again, great! If not, that’s totally fine as well.
The best way to approach a date?
Act as if it’s your one and only date, and you want to leave the person better than you found them.
#2 Sacrificing who you are
Making a first good impression is important. We are putting ourselves out there to someone we don’t know that well and it’s easy to get caught up in wanting to be polite and not offend them. While bringing your manners to the date is important, if you find yourself nodding along with their view money, relationships, and health and you totally disagree – do the hard thing by sticking to your own personal preferences. This doesn’t mean tell them they are wrong or try to correct them.
Dale Carnegie put it the best, “You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it.”
The best way to stay true to your beliefs? You don’t have to mention that you are against what they believe in, simply let them speak and move onto a different subject.
#3 Talking at her, and not with her
Guys are very guilty of this. Men are competitive by nature which means we like to show off all of the amazing feats we have accomplished in our lives. The problem with that is that most people don’t want to hear about ALL of them all at once.
On the flip side guys, you can’t tune out when she starts talking. If you want to have a conversation with a little more depth, check out this article on how to do it.
Nothing can be more offensive than to totally check out when someone else is talking. Even if you think you are being smooth and they will notice – they do.
#4 Put the phone down
Chances are you may have found that date you are about to go on using a dating app on your phone. Technology has certainly made things easier for people to connect, however when you actually go meet up with them in person don’t forget to actually… connect!
Don’t go to the phone out of nerves or because there is a lull in the conversation. Force yourself to be present and get out of your comfort zone and actually engage with that person.
Looking for help on making an awesome dating profile that gets fun dates? Check out this article:
Even if you end up on another terrible date, you never know you might end up like this guy:
Moving forward, 2015 can be an incredible year for you when it comes to dating if you are willing to try a few new things and get outside your comfort zone.
To get you started, I have written a guide that addresses how to handle first date nerves, finding the right person for you, how to find your strengths as they relate to dating, and how to have a great first date that lead to more.
You can grab that here.
If you are new to using the Coffee Meets Bagel app and are looking to get some dates lined up for 2015, be sure to check out this article
About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB): CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort.